Who should go to work tomorrow?

[NotSureICanDoIt]

Today was my first day at a new job - one I am very lucky to have. I probably wouldn’t find another one as good again. Not going in tomorrow will look very, very bad and potentially jeopardise my job.
DP is a GP and has a 30 patient clinic tomorrow.

DD3 is ill. Some sort of virus, fever, headache, sore throat, no appetite. There’s no way she’ll be well enough for nursery tomorrow.

DP thinks I should stay home with her and I think he should. Up until this point I’ve been a SAHM so things like this weren’t an issue. He has never ever had to cancel work before.

Who gets to go to work tomorrow?

Married couples who are both GPs have to take time off work with children at times. It happens.

It's his turn to do sick duty.

I’m a GP myself and I still think it should be you who goes in and him who stays home in this instance.

I don't think one can miss a potential cancer, theoretically an actual one might be referred for test later than today but no one can live their life based on hypotheticals

Or 30 people who have minor ailments that could be managed at home without wasting GP time, a reasonable proportion of whom won't even have bothered to turn up.

What’s with the guilt tripping?

The shitshow of the current NHS isn’t OP’s problem. Her priority is her own family not randoms with imaginary cancer. And the likelihood of all 30 being seriously unwell is negligible.

You’re so right. 7.1 million people worldwide have died from “a heavy cold”. Wimps, the lot of them.

I have not even read your posts so… reading the answers too personally? We are all entitled to have an opinion, if you have not been quoted… we are not talking to you.

Your DD will probably need a few days off if she has a virus and is feeling so poorly.

I was responding to the people who made generalised comments that some posters only thought he should go to work because he was a man. It was a pretty normal post for a forum, just scroll past instead of accusing another poster of being over sensitive?

I would only add that what did you decide would happen as kids get sick a lot. You will need a plan B potentially for this going forward

Vanishingly few of them were previously healthy young children

She opted for the GP to skip work. Should’ve sent the kid to nursery.

Good to see you take such an interest in the welfare and wellbeing of mothers who aren't married. Next time there's a thread from a woman who ended up completely fucked over by a male partner after being the one whose earning ability took the hit, we should all tag you. There's been well more than 30 of those over the years and will be again.

Wtf is wrong with you?

Whom you have no way of knowing would have accepted her. There's a surprising number of posters on this thread who seem completely unaware of the idea that a childcare provider could refuse to take a visibly ill DC.

Good for you. You were right to stick to
your guns.

Hope your wee one feels better soon.

There is no right answer here. But I does highlight the need for an emergency plan A, B and C. Both me and my partner work in 'essential' services. We have two children. We have no family nearby. I've had to make sure I make bonds with other local mums and neighbour just in case of emergency. Most of the time it does fall on me and my work (healthcare) suffers. I am lucky to have workmates and managers that are very supportive and we have back up plans of cover for if any of us are sick or need to take time away. It isn't easy and unfortunately it isn't going to get easier. Particularly when they start nursery, the bugs are endless.
I would have a look at your support system and if you don't have one at the moment, then start to build some kind of safety net.
I really feel for you. It's so tough !

I hope little one is better soon OP. I have this juggle tomorrow - MiL is supposed to be with LO, DH is supposed to be going away for work, but DH's elderly relative has just had emergency surgery. Unclear who is going where tomorrow, but chances of me being at work seem slim...

No its because HE is a parent and has a sick child, and hasn't made any plans with regards to how to manage this. Why do you think OP is responsible for his failure to manage his responsibilities?

You should. Get to know people, do favours for neighbours so they'll assist in return. See your family and friends regularly all these things help if you have a few different people you can ask to babysit in an emergency such as this.

This waiting for a crisis then wondering why you have no back up is crazy imo. 30 patients with cancelled appointments because a 3yr old is unwell and a parent has to look after is as nursery won't, really?

Could he not manage to arrange that himself for some reason?

I see that your DH stayed at home with your DD.

My DH is a teacher and very occasionally he was the one to take time off work for a sick child or commitment - if I had something important going on with my job. Part of it was to be supportive of the female teachers who were parents (many single parents) and to make a stand - since all the men in the senior management team had dutiful SAHM wives and never had to think about it.

The limit with the get a support network advice is that most people aren't available for a full day's short notice childcare on a Tuesday, and for those who are, it's actually quite a substantial favour to ask. The caregiver is potentially going to end up with the same lurgy as the kid. Goes well beyond the normal neighbourly bits and bobs.

I've looked after ill DC in my extended family before now, and others in the family have had my kids, but I'm not really up for that for anyone I'm not related to or very good friends with. This is not going to be an unusual view either.

I'm not saying it isn't worth trying to get a network anyway, but the reality is that normally the time off is going to need taking by a parent.

Doctor’s wife here. I missed my first day back to work after being an SAHM because of an ill child (though admittedly they had been in DH’s hospital). Wouldn’t have crossed our minds for DH to stay home instead. Genuinely depends on who suffers if you don’t go to work. If it’s just you, of course you stay at home. Mystified by everyone saying otherwise. You don’t want to work for someone who will not understand that you have a sick child and jeopardise your job because of one day.

OP has been out of work for years in an industry where its hard to get opportunities. Its all very well saying you don't want to work for them, but this is an appalling job market. And they evidently offer good flexibility once the probation period is completed. Short term pain for long term gain.

I also notice you say husband rather than partner. That matters.