Feeling shocked after hearing disturbing news about someone from school

[FriendlyNPC]

I found out a few months ago that a boy I went to school with was caught with indecent images of children, it was in the paper and my sibling still lives locally so told me.

He's recently been sentenced, and it was so much worse than initially thought.
I don't really want to describe what, but basically since I read the update I feel sick. We weren't close or anything, but we were friendly, and I feel so disgusting to know.

Not really after anything other than just needing to get it out. I feel a bit pathetic for feeling so physically ill about it. It's not about me. I haven't even seen him in 20 years. But I feel filthy by association, you know. Shocked.

That's it. Thanks for reading.

I can tell you. These people are everywhere. The huw Edwards types are in court every single day. It's not a rarity.

It is horrible to think that you can be in the presence of evil sometimes. But it is a shocking reality.

I think we somehow think we have a second sense that would tell us when someone is a 'wrong 'un' but, truth be known, many times we have no idea. Paedophiles often do well at winning over those around them and they don't all go around giving off the air of being a dirty old man. It IS disconcerting to find out someone you once knew has been convicted for crimes of that nature.

@Seawolvesi’ve known two people arrested for indecent images. One, although I was shocked it kind of didn’t surprise me. But the second one I was completely blindsided, it just seemed so out of character and he was a lovely guy. Or do we all thought.

Same here. Boy in my year at school, also lived a few doors down from us, currently in prison for CSA offences. It was a real shock when I found out.

I am sure we've all read about someone we know OP. Move on and don't think about it. Not your problem.

The boy I grew up next door to is serving 14 years for sexually abusing a child. Came from a completely normal family, his older brother is responsible and has a good job, his grandmother was a stalwart of the local community etc. it is horribly shocking and so sad for the victims of these men.

I believe a few professionals in the field of sexual psychology and research have estimated that the number of men who show some interest in minors to be something insane like 1 in 5.

I also remember a senior police detective commenting that he was horrified at how common it is (the preference itself, even if non-offending). The implication was that the general public have no idea how many of these people are out there.

I honestly try not to think about it too much. It's very upsetting. I have no idea what I'd do if someone I knew turned out to be like that.

They’re everywhere! Literally not far away from any of us, unfortunately.

Of course if it is someone who was known to you it will be a shock.

The problem is we all walk around maintaining the same delusion - how could we live otherwise?

But statistically you’ll have crossed paths with dozens of men who are predators, rapists and paedophiles, and some of them may be intimately involved in your life. They walk among us. Many give the appearance of being the best and most trustworthy of people.

The true order of male sexual offending is only suppressed in the public consciousness by the woeful rates of prosecution and conviction. If the real scale if it were laid bare I don’t think we’d be able to function as a society. It’s truly terrifying.

We were invited to a big big wedding. We've known the groom since he was 5 he's now 42. He was at school with our daughter and a member of social club and sports team. His house was raided while he was on his honeymoon. He was arrested at the airport. He was a librarian at the senior school. There were thousands of indicent photos of young boys.
What a shock. But the most shocking was his wife stood by him.

I worked with a young man ages ago

Nice enough fella,didn't really know him as a person but got on well with him at work

Was arrested for the same thing but the case collapsed on a technicality

He was as guilty as sin

Another man I worked with-was straight but liked to act gay/camp and had a fetish for getting women pregnant (and forcing them into having an abortion,would then move on to the next woman to do it all again) and was a real flirt (have been on the receiving end-he was very forceful and refused to take no for an answer,was very put out I turned him down and refused to speak to me again)

Arrested for watching child abuse images

I have no idea if he was charged but he once admitted to (his words) 'watching midget porn as that's the closest I'll get to 'real child porn'

We where all disgusted and he left work soon after (left before he was pushed)

A lot of people stood by him as 'he's a good laugh'

They are literally everywhere

Neighbour just been sent to prison for historical sexual offences...shocking, his name and details all over the place

Why do you feel filthy by association about somebody that you went to school with 20 years ago?

You're shocked of course, but why would you feel filthy by association when you must have had very little influence on this person and have not seen them for decades. It could be really helpful to talk about your response in therapy.

Yes, this is what really shocks and upsets people - I mean when the guy seems nice. It unnerves us because we begin to doubt our own judgement.

I have been SO disappointed by men over the years. The son of a friend was caught grooming a 13-year-old girl online. He even turned up to meet her with alcohol in his boot. Seemed such a nice young man😒.

Then there was the local handyman who did some work on our house. Again, seemed so nice (showed me photos of his newborn grandson, etc). Later found out he regularly goes to Asia to sleep with underage girls.

Oh, and someone else I know offered a sex for rent arrangement to young students. The list goes on and on. When it comes to sex, I don’t trust any man.

I agree. Paedophiles are geniuses at manipulating and deceiving people. They have to be to get what they want. Often, they have spent a lifetime perfecting their skills.

We had a neighbour who was a solicitor and a pillar of the community. Found to be abusing his teenage stepson and his friend. He wanted to babysit for us!! Horrifying.

A bit different because it wasn’t CSA but a lad I went to school with and lived close to was convicted of a violent rape a few years ago (a stranger he grabbed in the street too, so no less horrific than a domestic incident but somehow more shocking).

I only remember him as a young boy, not the best behaved but fairly sweet. He’s in our class pictures, a cheeky little lad with a big smile. It made me feel strangely sad, mostly for his victim of course, god I hope she has the right support and takes some comfort from him being locked up, but also for whatever in his life led him down such a terrible path of apparent homelessness and drug use and this abhorrent crime when our starts in life were on the surface fairly similar.

There was a study in Australia, they asked men anonymously if they could sexually abuse a child and get away with it, would they. The number of them that said yes was shockingly high. They’re everywhere.

And yet, there are men who fight against sexual predators- supposedly - by ignoring the nonces under their noses, whose names and addresses are sometimes published after their convictions, and drive hundreds of miles to shout at men who’ve literally only just set foot on UK soil/sand. Couldnt they channel that organisational skill and energy to do something to really keep our women and girls safe?

A neighbour of mine was arrested for that. It was a sickening shock, and the shock of it was on my mind a lot for the first few weeks after I found out about it. So how you are feeling is normal.

Unfortunately this stuff is really common. I know a couple of people who went to prison for similar one also being a boy in my year. Both men that I know are both ordinary average men both had respectable jobs one of them was a headteacher of a primary school you never would off known they where not creepy weirdos just ordinary working family men

This happened to me some years back....was scrolling through FB and there was his face.It's a shock when it's someone you know of!
He wasn't a very nice person at school, quite a bully etc, but never expected that.
Sadly he had abused a young child and is in prison now.