Feeling flat after my autistic son’s birthday party went badly

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It’s was my primary school child’s birthday party last weekend and it was a fun activity anybody can do, think bowling, laser tag that sort of thing. We’ve never held a party before as my son is Autistic and thought nobody from his mainstream school would come but I decided to go for it and 9kids attended!

what an absolute disaster, one child refused to participate and just sat on his phone next to his mum (why even say yes to the invite) 2 kicked off because they weren’t winning, I mean actually kicking and screaming! One little girl just sat and said she didn’t want to join in. All the parents stayed but just left the kids to it, which would have been ok if they behaved! I know this shouldn’t be a problem and it really isn’t but one guest bought him a baby toy! He’s 10! He’s autistic but not stupid or baby like! When the food came all the parents moaned it was ‘disgusting’ it really wasn’t it was just pizza and chips not high end but not inedible!

I’m so sad, I’ve spent so much money I didn’t really have (we saved up for months) for my son to have a nice normal party and I just feel so flat an empty. On the plus side I know that my child even with all his ‘extras’ would never behave in that way! I know I’m just chatting about it, I’m just sad and have nobody to talk to about it.

I'm so sorry, what awful, rude people. It sounds like a them problem to me OP. Nothing wrong with pizza and chips, surely the children at least were happy with the food. Did DS enjoy himself because that's the main thing?

Goodness what a spoilt bunch of children. I'm sorry that it all went wrong. Did your son enjoy himself?

What has your son said about it though OP? What was his experience? Because really that’s all that matters. Did he enjoy it or did their behaviour upset him?

It doesn’t sound like the parents handled their children well. You’d expect more from 10 year olds.

Sorry about the baby toy. That’s very odd.

The parents are at fault here... It's horribly bad manners to say that the food isn't nice. And any parent I know would jump in and deal with the situation if their child is fighting at a party. The parent who's child was on the phone should have apologized to you and explained why he was on the phone.
I would keep his next birthday party very small - just a few kids.

My son hadn’t really said anything which is very normal for him, he was just happy his older sibling was there whom he says is his ‘best friend’ I just can’t believe how rude and disrespectful the children were, I must admit two little girls were lovely and very polite!

the gift was a Thomas the tank engine? My son has never suggested he likes trains or Thomas so it was really odd and hurtful in a way! He’s 10 who would buy that for a 10 year old? I

No way am I putting myself through this ever again, no more parties ever!

Happens more often than you think that odd present.

Can you next year invite some nice children your child knows? It doesn't gave to be a class party to be a good party.

Are the children not autistic too?

Did they complain to you that the food was disgusting? Or did you overhear something? I can scarcely imagine such rudeness from all of them?!

I'm sorry it didn't work out well. You'll know for next time I suppose.

It’s really put me off, like I said the two girls were lovely but all expense and all this headspace I’ve given it is really not worth it, he’d would’ve been just as happy with a big Lego set for the same price. I suppose I am bit mad at myself for thinking he needed a party (I just want to treat him like other children)

I mean they could be but my son attends mainstream and I’ve never seen any of the parents at the SEN evenings so I’m assuming not. My son has what they used to call Asperger’s back in the day so he’s fine at mainstream, he’s very bright, just really struggles with social norms and friends (as in he has none) he can’t make conversation.

Wow that is so rude of the parents and their children. I also have an autistic child and understand your hurt. The Thomas the tank engine baby toy screams 'autism = obsessed with trains' and definitely feels backhanded somehow

Did your son have a nice time anyway?

Yes I overhead them all saying it to each other, they weren’t subtle.

What rude adults and children, bar the 2 girls who were nice and polite. If you get invited to their brats parties, then do the same thing.

So sorry about your experience. For my autistic ds I just invited 2-3 friends whom he really liked.
Why did the parents stay though? 10 years old noone stays around here. I would say from 6 y old the parents wouldn't stay. You were def unlucky- most parents I know would have told their kids to behave. And they were incredibly rude about the pizza. Next time invite a few (2-3) friends YOU know behave. Less expensive and better experience for all involved.

Invite 2-4 kids if your son wants a party. Invite nice children. It's ok.

What does it help to show up and be an ass? I would just say no thank you if invited.

The child not wanting to join in and the two who kicked off because they weren't winning - isn't that quite typical behaviour for young children? Shyness/lack of confidence, or getting over-excited and overwrought? I think you're being hard on yourself by counting those things as a disaster. I bet most people who host parties for young children see that kind of behaviour or worse.

The parents moaning about the food is plain rude! If this was a bowling alley type place, they're hardly going to get haute cuisine, it will be child-friendly fast food. Again, not your fault. They'll search far and wide for anything better when they come to host their own parties.

Did your son enjoy the activity? That's the main thing. Nothing else is important. Hopefully he got some decent presents as well aside from the duff one for the wrong age group.

Next year, all his friends will be older and hopefully more able to cope with a party.

You didn't knock up the food in the kitchen
That's out of your control.
Any opinions around the food etc should've been kept within.
Sorry you had a shocker of a time
But you pushed the boat out for your son so he could have a normal childhood experience despite his challenges and of that your mum No 1 today on MN

We dont do parties anymore. The last party we had was at a softplay. A few parents had no means to get home so my parents drop one lady and her child and my husband dropped the other. One of the women who was dropped turned up late, complained about the party and the food. She couldn't understand why it was over so quickly and she thought we'd provide a certain style of food based on our ethnicity. Mum mum explained in her language that its a soft play party, they last 2 hours and you cant bring outside food. Its £16.50 a head, you turned up late and got dropped to your door like a taxi service and still had the check to complain.

The child not wanting to join in and the two who kicked off because they weren't winning - isn't that quite typical behaviour for young children?

They are ten! They should be long past the age of kicking off because they're not winning.

Thank you everyone, and those who asked if my Ds enjoyed it… he hasn’t said one way or another if he enjoyed it, but that’s normal for him. I hope he did and at least I’ve got a few pictures of him having a party like every other child has to look back on.

Oh how awful! Why do people think this kind of behaviour is acceptable.

I have two children who are now 21 and 26 with no additional needs/

We always gave them the option a) party b) big present.

Ds21 had one party. We took 6 friends bowling. Ds26 had two parties. One in the house and one at a soft play.

Don't feel like all children have parties!