How would you split this cost?

[Wherehas2023gone]

Here’s the scenario
Mum and teenage son plan a 3 night trip to Europe. Mum intend her partner and also son’s friend. Apartment sleeps 6 (2 bedroom). Partner invites two relatives.

Apartment can’t be cancelled.

There was no mention of cost split when friend was invited, it has subsequently become clear a split is expected.

Partner and relatives are no longer going.

How much of the apartment cost should be attributed to the friend?

We often took our teenage children's friends away with us. I didn't expect their parents to contribute. They were our guests.

Yes this. We wouldn't divvy up accommodation cost either. Meals we would pay for (and cook for them) and include on any trips we would do. If my child invited I'd expect the same. Would always give spending money to child. Would also give money to parent for incidentals and food. And I'd pay for flights / train.

I'd be happy to pay for accommodation if stated up front- absolutely. But couldn't necessarily afford to absorb this coat if sprung on me at last minute

That is really poor form from the mum. For my son's sake I would pay the 25 % also and not raise it but privately I'd hold her in slightly lower regard.

Personally if I invited a teenage friend of my children on holiday then I would be covering the full bill.

my adult children (early20s) sometimes come on holiday with us along with their partners and they pay half of their price but all are working.

I suspect that she wasn't initially expecting you to pay for your DS but now that the other three aren't going she's expecting you to pay. I think what she is doing is wrong, really bad form and tight!
How much is the total cost of the accommodation?

Oof.
A quarter is more than fair OP given it wasn't mentioned at all previously and, let's face it, your son was asked for company for her son prior to it just ending up being the three of them.
I assume originally
Bed 1 her and her DP
Bed 2 her DP's friends
Sofa bed the two lads

Now at least it looks like a bedroom for her, her son and sofa bed(?) for yours.
So I understand why you might think a third but not really if he is on the sofa bed.
And it is a cheeky announcing "Airbnb may be more than expected now" when previously it had never been mentioned as a cost 🤬

The friend is a guest. Mum and son already needed two bedrooms.

If I could afford it I'd just pay the whole damn thing and have done with it.

Cheeky of her but I imagine she’s struggling to cover the increased costs and so it’s good you’re contributing and I hope your son has a good time

Exactly this

I'd offer 25% of the apartment cost. Presumably your DS will be sharing one of the two rooms with his friend while the mum has a room to herself, so you're paying for what he's using.
I'd have offered this when it was mum partner and the two boys, and would have expected a reduction when the other two were going.
I'd always have expected to pay. Though if I was the host mum I'd never have asked you to!

When i invite my DC’s friends on a trip i do not ask/expect any money from them, it’s my treat
They can bring some pocket money for stuff ie toys for themselves but I cover the food/drink costs
Any activities I pay for too

If you were going to pay a share of the accomodation she needed to be transparent up front. If it was me I wouldn't charge the friend as I'd be inviting them along as a guest and company for my child, I realise not everyone can afford to do this though.

If it was me sending my child away with a friend I'd want to know all costs up front before agreeing, who is paying for what and how much, as long as I know I wouldn't mind. What I wouldnt appreciate is being asking for another £200 or whatever days before the trip is due to happen.

I imagine your son will be relegated to the sofa bed in the livingroom too so I'd be reluctant to fork out a 1/3, offering 1/4 is more than generous given how she has communicated the costs.

Flight and excursions is all you should pay. Basically anything that is extra over and above what would have been paid without your son being there. So the apartment would have been a 2 bed for them whether he went or not.

that being said, it’s tight af to be inviting someone on holiday and not covering them I think. I always pay for my son’s girlfriend and decline money from her parents. If I couldn’t afford it she wouldn’t be invited.

This is extremely rude of her.
I would not be impressed at all.
Not about the contributing but the dribs and drabs.
You asked and were told no.

You did ask about accommodation and were told no, so to come back again is very poor.
It's like she is now using your child to fund the trip.

This! I’d never expect a young teenage friend to contribute to accommodation costs! Cheeky of them!

Adults screw things up and you need to cover for them. Wtf.

At most it should have been 1/6th.

But for me, kids don't pay. I've never asked for a contribution from my kids friends, it's just not the done thing....

Wow, I think that's extremely rude. If we invited a friend to accompany DS, we'd never expect them to cover accommodation. But it is what it is, your offer of 25% is generous.

Totally agree

I'd expect a friend of my child who I had invited to pay for flights at the very most. Presumably they need 2 bedrooms for mum and teen child anyway, they're not paying more because your child is going. Tbh, even if I did get a bigger place to accommodate child's friend I'd still not expect money towards it, I'd see that as my cost because I chose to invite them.

Aargh, how embarrassing. You're doing the right thing but in future obviously it would have been better to ask at the beginning what the whole cost would be (accommodation, flights, excursions, meals etc) and transfer the money immediately so it can't be argued about later! Hope he has a good time.

I wouldn’t expect any money for accommodation in this situation. It’s a 2 bedroom and I’d need 2 bedrooms anyway if travelling just with my teen. I would probably expect payment though from the 3 adults who pulled out. It sounds like she is trying to recover some costs. I bet partner and his 2 family members thought they were getting a free trip and that’s why they backed out and lumped her with the full cost. I would just pay it as a gesture of goodwill though.

I went away twice when I was younger once with my mums best mate and daughter to America we paid nothing towards the costs

another time to Greece with my best friend at high school my mum paid flight and offered to pay extra and was told no it was all covered. It was AI but they paid for trips out ect for me

both times I was invited so me and my mate could keep each other entertained and we shared a room

I wouldn’t expect to pay for accommodation and my mum couldn’t have afforded it. Appreciate it’s difficult if your son wants the trip

My children are often invited on holiday. I pay their travel and make sure they have money to pay for a meal out for everyone. I'd be startled if a parent presented me with a bill for a share of the accommodation. That's the kind of thing that would be discussed prior to booking, I'd have thought.

Your son was only invited to keep the 'host's' kid occupied. Your son is going there to do this job and that is his only reason for being invited.

I would expect the host to pay for all accommodation and food.
I would pay the cost of the flight and give my kid some spending money.

If you son asked to go or was not expected to hang around 24/7 entertaining their child, then the costs would be split and you'd pay more. But this is absolutely not the case for any kid invited to holiday with another family.