How would you split this cost?

[Wherehas2023gone]

Here’s the scenario
Mum and teenage son plan a 3 night trip to Europe. Mum intend her partner and also son’s friend. Apartment sleeps 6 (2 bedroom). Partner invites two relatives.

Apartment can’t be cancelled.

There was no mention of cost split when friend was invited, it has subsequently become clear a split is expected.

Partner and relatives are no longer going.

How much of the apartment cost should be attributed to the friend?

I don’t really understand the set up?

Are you asking if the teen friend should pay?

To the friend? I'd say nothing

So all that's going now is mum, teenage son and son's friend? How old is friend and how much were they originally paying? You can't ask a teenager to cough up after his friend's mum has been bailed on by flaky partner. I'm afraid if partner is refusing to pay the whole thing lands on mum unless there's some other magic reason so far not revealed.

If you’ve invited a teenage friend then the cost should fall to you.

I’m the friend’s mum… I’m a little taken aback but want to avoid conflict. My son is really looking forward to the trip.

Who expects the cost to be split?

Why on earth did the partner invite 2 relatives to a 2 bed apartment when the 2 rooms were already spoken for??

I think the cost should be split 1 third / 2 thirds between the Mum and the partner.

Presumably it is the partners rogue invitation to relatives that has caused partner not to go? That's their fault. And the Mum shouldn't have to bear the consequences,

The Mum covers the cost of the room for her son and friend and half the cost of the room for her and partner, the partner covers half the cost of the room for partner and Mum.

The teen friend should not be expected to pay anything as presumably there as a companion for teen son and not incurring a need for an extra room - the Mum needed to book a room for her teen anyway. And you don't charge teens unless they are rolling in it.

I often take DD15 friend with us and would never expect the parent to cover the cost. So I would say nothing. You certainly should not be subsidising the fact that two people pulled out.

How much is the total?

You're the teen friend's mum and they're asking you to contribute to the shortfall presumably because relationship has gone tits up? How much are they - or she - asking for? Seems grossly unfair to me but obviously you don't want to disappoint your teen.

OK, cross posted - OP it would REALLY have wasted less time had you just outlined the situation.

Personally I don't think you should be expected to pay.

BUT if your teen really wants to go and you can afford it it would be outrageous if you were expected to pay more than 25% of apartment cost.

If you can't afford it I would say to the Mum "I am really sorry to say that I cannot afford this - and had it been raised at the outset that is what I would have said"

Do you mean to say mum intends her parter and son’s friend (your child) to go?

And then the partner invited two more (presumably sofa bed if it’s a two bedroom?) or were they in the mix originally?

If the mum has been left with a greater share because her partner and relatives pulled out, the son’s friend (your child) shouldn’t be picking up extra.

In this case, I think the split is largely relevant anyway. If your child is expected to pay, they should have been told it would cost £x when they were invited along. And that should be an absolute amount, not flexible.

Note to self: do not reply to these obscure anonymised posts which don't give a clear steer as to the main point of the issue

is your son also paying for his own flight/train?

This is a bit confusing
Person plus their DC invite friend??
Not sure how the partner and relatives come into it -they were originally going but now not?
Im reading it that as the partner and relatives arent going friend of DC is now expected to split costs?
Very cheeky

If I invited my DCs friends to anything as a guest it was at my cost and would just ask parents to provide spending money
How much is it?

The son’s friend shouldn’t have to pay anything

@Wherehas2023gone maybe just set out the actual situation and the cost you’re being asked for?

Depends on how old the children are - are they children or adults?

That said when we have invited our children’s friends on holiday with us (as children and adults) our expectation is that we pay for them to come (accommodation/food and flights if the latter needed). We would expect them to bring their own spending money for other things though.

I feel if the guest has had no say in the location, timing, accommodation etc then they shouldn’t be asked to contribute.

I would also add that if a contribution is expected it should be made clear at the time the invitation was made.

In this case I’d consider if any request for contributions was an attempt to claw back costs given the partner and family have bailed out - which I think is pretty bloody cheeky.

Apologies - see they are teens. Advice still stands - bar spending money he should not be expected to pay anything.

If it’s a two bedroom apartment then mum/son would have booked that anyway. The fact it sleeps 6 (presumably sofa bed) isn’t relevant.

I would not be happy with my child staying with all these random people.

Sorry for the confusion, was a poor attempt to anonymise somewhat. Teens are children. The problem is no split has been proposed just implied it will now cost us more as fewer people are going!

I would have asked directly at initial invite if they wanted a contribution to the apartment but obviously too late now.

I would say 25% would be the most I would expect to contribute. Just ask how much they were thinking and then say sorry no can do if it is too high. I don’t think it’s your job to help cover the costs of those no longer going.

But how much more? Suck it up more? I'll think about it more? Or you've got to be joking more?

Did the topic of paying come up at all when he was invited and when he accepted - flights, lodging, food, local transport, etc.? Did they offer to treat for the apartment, or was it just assumed as he wasn't asked for any payment up front?

If it seems like a genuine misunderstanding over who pays for the lodging (your son and you thought that his friend's family was paying for the place already and had asked him as an add-in without incurring any cost or planned to treat him BUT friend's mum assumed he'd pay his share but failed to specify the amount) then cost should be based on the number of people/split of rooms expected when he accepted the invitation - e.g., 1/6 (if 6 people). If it was only expected to be mum (with or without partner) and the two boys then 1/4 of the cost seems like the max fair amount if he's sharing one of the two bedrooms with his friend.

Personally I wouldn't be happy that he's being asked for money now when the amount wasn't given up front before he accepted, but I probably would have asked how much he would owe before accepting the invitation, even if I thought the answer would be nothing.

There was no mention of cost split when friend was invited, it has subsequently become clear a split is expected.

Very odd you didn’t ask yourself though. Even when I’m sure things are a free invitation, the first thing I do is ask how much they'd like me to contribute and while I’ve always been told don’t be silly, I still do it to make sure there are no unexpected surprises.

I’d contribute up to 25% if a sofa bed factored into the sleeping arrangements (wouldn’t expect those on a sofa bed to pay an equal share) but if each bedroom slept 3 or one bedroom slept 2 and the other 4, then 1/6 of the cost as it’s not your issue others dropped out.

What do you mean, "the teens are children"? Do you mean they are not teens at all, but primary age?
It'll be a bit weird for the mum, she was expecting to have another adult with her, and it's not a trip for her and son anymore if his friend is going too. Maybe ,OP, you should say you'll come as an extra adult and company for her, and on that basis pay half. Funds allowing, of course.