How would you split this cost?

[Wherehas2023gone]

Here’s the scenario
Mum and teenage son plan a 3 night trip to Europe. Mum intend her partner and also son’s friend. Apartment sleeps 6 (2 bedroom). Partner invites two relatives.

Apartment can’t be cancelled.

There was no mention of cost split when friend was invited, it has subsequently become clear a split is expected.

Partner and relatives are no longer going.

How much of the apartment cost should be attributed to the friend?

None as you've invited your Son's friend as a guest.

What age are the boys and are you paying for flights?

it all sounds a bit awkward. While I wouldn’t dream of charging the boy for accommodation - I assume he is sharing one bedroom while the mum has a room to herself. Therefore, and taking account that he is a child, 20% of the apartment cost seems fair.

How will paying for meals and activities work? This could be a tricky situation for your son to navigate if money is a bit weird for the hosting mum.

It’s really hard to comment on whether it is fair or not without some more details OP. For example is he paying his own travel? How much is the apartment for three days?

Were you expecting to pay something originally?

Originally I was given the flight cost (which we paid). I offered to pay for all excursions they had planned as didn’t want to restrict what they want to do. With hindsight I probably should have asked about accommodation price, it just didn’t occur to me as I wouldn’t have expected the same in a reverse situation. Someone had asked if they were adult teens, they are not, they are younger teens.

If 6 people were going when you agreed to the trip, I would offer them one sixth of the cost. Absolutely not your responsibility to make up for all the drop outs (who I presume you don’t even know!)

I had also offered to transfer the mum money for meals and excursion.

Based on your update, I think it’s a bit much to ask your ds to kick in accommodation too Op

Whenever we have taken an extra before we’ve always covered accommodation, food and transfers.

Im assuming they’ve booked accommodation and travel separately, have you already paid for your DS’s flight/train/boat?

When my mom used to take a friend of mine with us they would just bring some spending money. Unless payment for accommodation was mentioned at the stage of invite, I would presume there would be none. Asking you to pay anything at this stage is quite cheeky never mind more because her partner is no longer going. Also, If I’m splitting the costs of something, I want a say in what those costs are, not just a demand of a certain amount for something I have had no involvement in.

As inviting party, no split should be expected, I would pay.

As mother of invited party, I'd offer a contribution of £100 if I could afford that plus spending money. If I couldn't, I'd offer what I could afford.

If we offered to take dc friend I would just say spending money.

I have brought DDs friends away before. I never expected any contribution. Usually the parents will insist on covering flights or a similar contribution. I would never expect or accept anything for accommodation as they are sharing with my DD.

I think you’ll be stuck sucking it up and using this as a life lesson.

Even if you do give them some money to them for the apartment, which seems wrong, should have been told earlier, if you can, give them less and your son more spending money or he could feel really awkward if he can't even get himself a drink or ice cream.

Agreed, but going to be suggest 25% before I get asked for a third!

I’m confused too!

What cheeky fuckers they are!!

I think the accommodation should be free. Really though you should have had clarity on this before you agreed.

Seems cheeky of them OP. I’d be upset. We have my kids friends and if we invite them
we pay for everything - unless they want to spend money on gifts or stuff like that.

Sounds to me like Mum wasn't originally going to charge you but is now facing significant extra cost and is trying to recuperate some. You raised other costs (flights, offer of excursions etc) so really it is mum's issue she did not raise this before IMO.
I think I would challenge this now, at the first point it has become clear an expectation is expected. Personally I would push back 'why on earth didn't you mention this when we talked flights / when I offered excursion costs???
You now have a choice, agree some contribution to accommodation costs (like others, I think it should be zero unless made clear up front) or let son down and lose the cost of the flight (if not refundable).
Absolutely poor form of mum to allow you to pay for the flight without being clear on full costs. Unless it is a contribution you can easily afford, I personally would let son down.

None of this cost should be on the friend.

Dd15 has just been taken on holiday with her friends mum and family.

I paid for her travel (except the bits where they had a car and were going anyway)

I offered to pay towards the trip and was ignored!

I sent her with money to take them all out for dinner and they said no when she got her purse out.

so, my hands were tied so I got them a big bouquet on their return to say thanks.

tou have already offered enough in this situation. It’s nothing to do with you re her partner and relatives.

even though she is absolutely being a cf, I guess it’s up to you if you don’t want your ds disappointed. Although remember hers would be too, so they’re unlikely to ban your son going now anyway!

When we took my friend as a teenager they didn't pay for accommodation as the price didn't increase by them being there (they shared my room).
As you've already booked flights your a bit stuck.

I wouldn’t agree to any contribution towards the accommodation - flights and expenses covers an invited child guest who is sharing a room.

I absolutely would not expect the son’s friend to contribute to accommodation, unless it was explicitly stated up front - which it wasn’t.