FIL kissed my neck after a family chat and now I feel uneasy

[Jamesmama]

It’s 2am and I can’t sleep because of what happened today. I need to talk to someone about it and I am not sure how to address it with anyone from my personal life as it can have long lasting negative effects on people.
Long story short, me and my husband run business together for over 15 years. Since we had our 2 children, I’ve been more focused on raising them while husband keeps working. A few years ago, he hired my FIL (who was looking for an extra job). Now, me and my husband have been having some tensity in our relationship especially since having our 2nd child, but I’ve been trying to work on that. My FIL is actually helping me here and there with the kids (I should add here that we live next to the business that we run, so we see my husband and my FIL during the day).
I cook meals, offer to my FIL of course since he is around. Sometimes we crack a joke or two, just normal friendly, respectful talks. I love both my in-laws, I love my MIL too, but she works to another location so she is not as around to help with the kids.
Now, today I had a short conversation with my FIL about my husband (his only son who is his current work boss as well), in the conversation I mentioned how my husband can be disconnected from me and the kids when he is work consumed and that my kids would like to do more things with their dad .. I also mentioned how sometimes it’s hard to communicate with my husband, he can be hardheaded and harsh .. kind of mean. FIL mentioned how he and my MIL have both spoken with my husband about putting more effort for the kids and for me .. So he looked like he felt sorry and empathetic and hugged me and kissed me on my neck again, and again, 3 times!! 😳😳😳 It felt super weird and my 4 year old very observant son looked at him kind of off, so he mumbled to my son, jokingly, what are you looking at the lady .. or he said: my lady? I am not sure what he said because to be honest I was in shock!! It happened very fast, I think he quickly realized how wrong it was what he did but maybe said what he said to my son in en effort to try to make a joke out of it .. He adores my kids and never talks to them in a harsh manner. In the last few days it happened for him to give me a kiss on my back a couple of times too .. 🤯 And I didn’t thought of it too much because he’s always hugged me in a friendly way but never with such kisses ..
Uhh .. what a situation .. Both he and my MIL have told me many times that they love me like their own daughter (they have 3 daughters btw and I don’t think he’s ever kissed them like this) but what happened today is wrong.
Idk how to tell my husband (if I should) because he is very close to his dad. I also love my MIL so much, I don’t want to make situation but I cannot tolerate this. It felt very disrespectful towards me and my husband, our family. I don’t feel comfortable leaving my children with him after this.
I want to think that he might have gotten carried away a bit but I have to put respectful boundary going forward in a way that won’t make uncomfortable drama situation for him and for the whole family.
He and my MIL and super sweet, down to earth people, I wish what I shared didn’t happened, it changed my whole view of FIL 😕
I am sorry for the long post, I wanted to keep it short but I guess I needed to let it all out of my chest, it feels very heavy.
For now I am thinking to just put what happened behind and try to avoid needing his help with the kids, to create a bit of a distance. What are your thoughts? Please advise 💔 Thank you so much in advance 🙏🏻

Once: I could excuse. Three times: Concerning.

I take it the hug was like a bear hug and not a moving in closer hug?

The kiss like a quick peck?

I think it was a bit odd but how passionate was it? My FIL went to kiss my baby when I was feeding and accidentally kissed my boob, bloody awkward and my MIL said he was daft to kiss near my boob but he was really only looking at baby

Would it be possible to have some sort of conversation, maybe about a 'story you read' where an older male relative stepped over a line with another family member and that how uncomfortable it made all these unidentified people feel.

Make sure your FIL gets the message.

I would just try and keep a distance for now op. See if he is ok or actively seeking you out. I wouldn't say anything to your DH at the moment but would be vigilant and if he makes you feel uncomfortable again have a word.

Where did this happen too? In your house or their house or in public?

That must have been terribly awkward 😬

This absolutely cracked me up 🫣😂 I think I’d have to divorce my husband just to never see the in laws again

Hard to know OP
When offering comfort maybe he wanted to convey extra warmth. I have a few different hug styles so I could be guilty of something like this .

Really? Kissing someone on the neck 3 times??

Why dont you try ro keep distance and carry on as if nothing happened and if anything like that happens again and you are on your own with him just say in a very stern voice 'Dont touch me. That is completely unacceptable'. And look really angry while you say it. If he tries smarmy things whole other people are around and you start to think he's a real creep, then you'll have to tell your husband and say you dont want to be around him any more.

I would just avoid talking about your DH with him and avoid being alone at all costs. I wouldn't blow this up and damage the relationship with your H and his Dad. But I would definitely be a bit frosty with FIL.

Yeah I’d hate it if my fil did this, I’m autistic too so it would play on my mind terribly and I wouldn't be able to look at home again. He gives a kiss on the cheek occasionally with a hug which is fine, but the neck seems much more intimate.

😂😂 omg that’s fucking bad

The next time you see him, you should just say to him “don’t kiss me again” and carry on whatever you’re doing. You don’t have to say “on my neck” or “on my back”, just saying no kissing at all to make it clear. Just make sure you say it clearly so that he can hear you, don’t mumble it because you don’t want to have to repeat it. Do not smile when you say it, be firm so he cannot question it.

If it makes him feel uncomfortable that’s tough for him as he is making you feel uncomfortable. That should be the end of it.

That’s not appropriate to kiss the baby while you were feeding , your breast was exposed . I don’t believe it was an accident when he kissed your boob .

Tell him. 'I don't appreciate you kissing me, please don't do it again.' There is no need to tell anyone else provided he stops.

I'm not much of a hugger but my husband's family are and I just sort of steel myself when I see them a couple of times a year. Bil came in for a hug in greeting and I kissed the air an inch away from his ear just at the time he turned his head to do the same behind mine - and I kissed him square on the neck!
Bloody mortified I was. So embarrassing. I'm sure he knew it was accidental but we're both a bit wary now and I get triggered every time I see them!

You were complaining about your DH to your FIL - that’s a mistake - he is possibly seeing himself as the knight in armour caring and looking after you like your DH isn’t - but is stepping right over a line here -
I don’t know what you do it’s a mess - can you say to DH -but he has to work with his DF, MiIL? - she’ll have no idea what goes on.
i think I would make some plans to get back into the business yourself -shuffling FIl out - and give FiL a clear warning that you are shocked and angered at his behaviour

to add -your DH is providing for his family - he is working hard, FIL seems to have a great set up ,sees DCs when he wants,fed regularly, works a bit - you should be more loyal to DH

I would just avoid talking about your DH with him and avoid being alone at all costs. I wouldn't blow this up and damage the relationship with your H and his Dad. But I would definitely be a bit frosty with FIL

Yeah, I don't think I'd be discussing dh with his Dad, not at that depth anyway.
It's a bit too intimate.

I wouldn’t tell your DH for now but keep your distance from fil. See how the next 6 months goes and feels. Does he try to escalate things or does he carry on as normal? Hopefully he’s mortified.

I can’t believe people think this kissing is accidental

I'd probably try consciously keeping a physical distance from FIL and avoiding any direct bodily contact and see if he gets the message and backs off. (I doubt he's going to object or question this, because he'll be wary of your bringing up the weird kissing.) If he touches you inappropriately again, tell him to stop immediately. That way there's no "confusion" about what contact you are objecting to. I'd also maybe be careful of leaving him alone with the children at least for now, if you think he is having issues with his judgement and/or with appropriate physical boundaries.

Neck kissing is very intimate and something that happens when the person is feeling amorous. It can’t really be misconstrued.

I once went to kiss my brother in law on the cheek, he turned his head at the wrong moment and I got him on the neck, it was mortifying but I dont think 3 times could be accidental

Breast feeding?

Keep a distance.
No more hugs.
You don't need to analyse it just assert your own boundaries.
I don't think you or the children should be alone with him.