FIL kissed my neck after a family chat and now I feel uneasy

[Jamesmama]

It’s 2am and I can’t sleep because of what happened today. I need to talk to someone about it and I am not sure how to address it with anyone from my personal life as it can have long lasting negative effects on people.
Long story short, me and my husband run business together for over 15 years. Since we had our 2 children, I’ve been more focused on raising them while husband keeps working. A few years ago, he hired my FIL (who was looking for an extra job). Now, me and my husband have been having some tensity in our relationship especially since having our 2nd child, but I’ve been trying to work on that. My FIL is actually helping me here and there with the kids (I should add here that we live next to the business that we run, so we see my husband and my FIL during the day).
I cook meals, offer to my FIL of course since he is around. Sometimes we crack a joke or two, just normal friendly, respectful talks. I love both my in-laws, I love my MIL too, but she works to another location so she is not as around to help with the kids.
Now, today I had a short conversation with my FIL about my husband (his only son who is his current work boss as well), in the conversation I mentioned how my husband can be disconnected from me and the kids when he is work consumed and that my kids would like to do more things with their dad .. I also mentioned how sometimes it’s hard to communicate with my husband, he can be hardheaded and harsh .. kind of mean. FIL mentioned how he and my MIL have both spoken with my husband about putting more effort for the kids and for me .. So he looked like he felt sorry and empathetic and hugged me and kissed me on my neck again, and again, 3 times!! 😳😳😳 It felt super weird and my 4 year old very observant son looked at him kind of off, so he mumbled to my son, jokingly, what are you looking at the lady .. or he said: my lady? I am not sure what he said because to be honest I was in shock!! It happened very fast, I think he quickly realized how wrong it was what he did but maybe said what he said to my son in en effort to try to make a joke out of it .. He adores my kids and never talks to them in a harsh manner. In the last few days it happened for him to give me a kiss on my back a couple of times too .. 🤯 And I didn’t thought of it too much because he’s always hugged me in a friendly way but never with such kisses ..
Uhh .. what a situation .. Both he and my MIL have told me many times that they love me like their own daughter (they have 3 daughters btw and I don’t think he’s ever kissed them like this) but what happened today is wrong.
Idk how to tell my husband (if I should) because he is very close to his dad. I also love my MIL so much, I don’t want to make situation but I cannot tolerate this. It felt very disrespectful towards me and my husband, our family. I don’t feel comfortable leaving my children with him after this.
I want to think that he might have gotten carried away a bit but I have to put respectful boundary going forward in a way that won’t make uncomfortable drama situation for him and for the whole family.
He and my MIL and super sweet, down to earth people, I wish what I shared didn’t happened, it changed my whole view of FIL 😕
I am sorry for the long post, I wanted to keep it short but I guess I needed to let it all out of my chest, it feels very heavy.
For now I am thinking to just put what happened behind and try to avoid needing his help with the kids, to create a bit of a distance. What are your thoughts? Please advise 💔 Thank you so much in advance 🙏🏻

Say what, he kissed you whilst you were breastfeeding????

If this thread is real, then no, op, yanbu

Both of you behaved badly.

yes he should not have kissed your neck 3 times, it’s all sorts of ick and needs to be addressed. You need to tell him it made you uncomfortable and not to do that ever again

however you should not have been bad mouthing your husband to your fil, telling him he was mean and harsh, I can’t for the life of me think why you thought that appropriate.

so what are you going to tell your husband, hey honey I was just explaining to your father how mean you are, harsh and hard headed and he kissed my neck 3 times as he agreed with me.

What where does she say she was breastfeeding at the time?

They love you like a daughter and he kisses your neck THREE times. Sounds pervy to me.
I've slapped some bloke for less.

Dunno someone mentioned it up thread

That’s weird. You need to be brace and tell him off next time, please don’t kiss me as I don’t like it!

No, I would absolutely never breastfeed in front of others, especially elder family men. Some of the commenters shared how a similar thing happened to them with their FIL while breastfeeding.

Ah god this has tickled me he must of been mortified! 😂

That made me laugh.

I hope you're all over it now but I wouldn't be able to help myself call him out on it every now and then, especially in company 😂

'Remember that time you kissed my tit Ronnie' 😂

On the one hand I think he’s a disgusting old pervert and I’d keep well away from him. I would say to him “don’t touch me in that way, I’m not comfortable with that”.

On the other hand you were disclosing personal and intimate information to him so he probably took that as a green light and maybe it was partly comforting. But to kiss you on the neck x 3? What’ll happen next, a hand on your thigh? He could may well be a man of a certain age who downplays the seriousness of sexual harassment eg like in the media.

Yeah but she didn’t.

Why were you badmouthing your husband to him. Can you explain why you felt this was appropriate?

It's unfortunate because if it was anyone else I would say that the talking about her husband's and hers issues could be sending the wrong issues. Normally the advice is not to disclose those problems to men of the opposite sex (and avoid becomya sounding board for men complaining about their wives). But in this case, because is the father of your husband I don't think you did anything wrong. He is a family member and knows your partner on a very deep level as his father. It would really shock me of I thought I was having a conversation with someone I viewed as completely platonic and "safe" and a good source of advice and they kissed my neck.

I think moving forward obviously create more distance (including emotional distance) and avoid discussing personal issues again. But I don't think you were at fault for treating him like the close trusted family member he is supposed to be.

I think you should say... 'When we were talking the other day you kissed me on the neck. I wasn't comfortable with it. Don't do it again and we'll say no more about it.'
Then start speaking to one of the kids or leave the room so he cannot say anything back.

What you do next or whether you tell your husband would depend on how he behaves after this. Him working with you and being around regularly makes it more awkward.

I would also avoid having conversations about your marriage with your in-laws.

But she shouldn’t have been telling his parents how he was mean behind his back, and the fil should never have done whay he did; neither of them behaved well, this wasn’t confiding in a friend.

Yes once, as you said, I can excuse as an accident but 3 times is why I came here for an advice.
It was like a bear hug and I actually always look away on the side when I hug people that are family and friends. I don’t give an actual kiss.

It depends on exactly what was said. But in a very close family where the family members work together I think it's reasonably normal for those sorts of conversations to happen. It isn't really saying isn't your son awful. More I wish your son would X, Y, Z. Maybe that's not that healthy and a bit emmeshed. But it's different to me complaining to an unrelated male colleague about how my husband doesn't show me much affection. The risk I would worry with complaining to a FiL is that either he could take offence and become defensive of his son. Or that his son could feel "gotten at" by different family members. Not that the FiL would think I was coming on to him or asking for affection from him.

How passionate Idk .. it was intentional and since he kissed me once he continued to kiss me couple more times 🤯 Uhhh .. I feel so disgust after writing this again.
Omg what an awkward situation for you while breastfeeding 🧐 Why was he even trying to kiss the baby while you were breastfeeding? He should have waited.

I’m sorry, that really made me laugh 🤭

In my home which is on the same property where our business is.

In the last few days it happened for him to give me a kiss on my back a couple of times too ..

He's overstepping the boundaries bit by bit.

Maybe, he seems to be that type of person so yes, I want to think that he was maybe trying to give extra comfort 😕 It just came off very wrong.

Right? Once is wrong but 3 times felt completely out of control 😕

Yes the last thing I want is to share the personal issues with my husband with others especially his family. Husband works hard but so do I; and in his free time he chooses to do other activities that doesn’t involves me and the kids. Sometimes it feels like I am single parenting. Doesn’t want to go on couples therapy either. We were honestly considering divorce so sharing with his parents was like a last minute resort for them to give him some marriage advice (my personal therapist advised that too). That was a couple of years ago, it kind of worked and ever since, my in-laws ask me once in a while how are things going. I was being honest but still careful about how much I shared. Needless to say, I would never have such a conversation with FIL again.

No, I would absolutely never breastfeed in front of others, especially elder family men. Some of the commenters shared how a similar thing happened to them with their FIL while breastfeeding.