FIL kissed my neck after a family chat and now I feel uneasy

[Jamesmama]

It’s 2am and I can’t sleep because of what happened today. I need to talk to someone about it and I am not sure how to address it with anyone from my personal life as it can have long lasting negative effects on people.
Long story short, me and my husband run business together for over 15 years. Since we had our 2 children, I’ve been more focused on raising them while husband keeps working. A few years ago, he hired my FIL (who was looking for an extra job). Now, me and my husband have been having some tensity in our relationship especially since having our 2nd child, but I’ve been trying to work on that. My FIL is actually helping me here and there with the kids (I should add here that we live next to the business that we run, so we see my husband and my FIL during the day).
I cook meals, offer to my FIL of course since he is around. Sometimes we crack a joke or two, just normal friendly, respectful talks. I love both my in-laws, I love my MIL too, but she works to another location so she is not as around to help with the kids.
Now, today I had a short conversation with my FIL about my husband (his only son who is his current work boss as well), in the conversation I mentioned how my husband can be disconnected from me and the kids when he is work consumed and that my kids would like to do more things with their dad .. I also mentioned how sometimes it’s hard to communicate with my husband, he can be hardheaded and harsh .. kind of mean. FIL mentioned how he and my MIL have both spoken with my husband about putting more effort for the kids and for me .. So he looked like he felt sorry and empathetic and hugged me and kissed me on my neck again, and again, 3 times!! 😳😳😳 It felt super weird and my 4 year old very observant son looked at him kind of off, so he mumbled to my son, jokingly, what are you looking at the lady .. or he said: my lady? I am not sure what he said because to be honest I was in shock!! It happened very fast, I think he quickly realized how wrong it was what he did but maybe said what he said to my son in en effort to try to make a joke out of it .. He adores my kids and never talks to them in a harsh manner. In the last few days it happened for him to give me a kiss on my back a couple of times too .. 🤯 And I didn’t thought of it too much because he’s always hugged me in a friendly way but never with such kisses ..
Uhh .. what a situation .. Both he and my MIL have told me many times that they love me like their own daughter (they have 3 daughters btw and I don’t think he’s ever kissed them like this) but what happened today is wrong.
Idk how to tell my husband (if I should) because he is very close to his dad. I also love my MIL so much, I don’t want to make situation but I cannot tolerate this. It felt very disrespectful towards me and my husband, our family. I don’t feel comfortable leaving my children with him after this.
I want to think that he might have gotten carried away a bit but I have to put respectful boundary going forward in a way that won’t make uncomfortable drama situation for him and for the whole family.
He and my MIL and super sweet, down to earth people, I wish what I shared didn’t happened, it changed my whole view of FIL 😕
I am sorry for the long post, I wanted to keep it short but I guess I needed to let it all out of my chest, it feels very heavy.
For now I am thinking to just put what happened behind and try to avoid needing his help with the kids, to create a bit of a distance. What are your thoughts? Please advise 💔 Thank you so much in advance 🙏🏻

Yes the last thing I want is to share the personal issues with my husband with others especially his family. Another long story short, me and my husband were honestly considering divorce so sharing with his parents was like a last minute resort for them to give him some marriage advice (my personal therapist advised that too). That was a couple of years ago, it kind of worked and ever since, my in-laws ask me once in a while how are things going. I was being honest but still careful about how much I shared. Needless to say, I would never have such a conversation with FIL again.

No, I would absolutely never breastfeed in front of others, especially elder family men. Some of the commenters shared how a similar thing happened to them with their FIL while breastfeeding.

He's moving in on you, a vulnerable younger woman. It's totally out of order. It sounds like your marriage is on the rocks so maybe he thought he could get away with it.

I will try for there not to be a next time.
On another note, I don’t know how to say that without sounding harsh. If I do, the relationship will change forever and others will notice that, hence people might start wondering why.

No, I would absolutely never breastfeed in front of others, especially elder family men. Some of the commenters shared how a similar thing happened to them with their FIL while breastfeeding.

Yes the last thing I want is to share the personal issues with my husband with others especially his family. Another long story short, me and my husband were honestly considering divorce so sharing with his parents was like a last minute resort for them to give him some marriage advice (my personal therapist advised that too after everything I tried). That was a couple of years ago, it kind of worked and ever since, my in-laws ask me once in a while how are things going. I was being honest but still careful about how much I shared. It was in an effort for him to advise his son. Needless to say, I would never have such a conversation with FIL again. But, if I say what you advised directly to him, it will come off harsh, even though sounds like the right thing to do, and, it will most definitely strain the relationship which will be noticed by others hence people will wonder why. My MIL or husband might ask questions.

Many asked this same question, I should have explained in my original post. The last thing I want is to share the personal issues with my husband with others especially his family. Another long story short, me and my husband were honestly considering divorce so sharing with his parents was like a last minute resort for them to give him some marriage advice (my personal therapist advised that too after everything I tried). That was a couple of years ago, it kind of worked and ever since, my in-laws ask me once in a while how are things going. I was being honest but still careful about how much I shared. It was in an effort for him to advise his son. Needless to say, I would never have such a conversation with FIL again.

Sounds like the right thing to do, and, it will most definitely strain the relationship which will be noticed by others hence people will wonder why. My MIL or husband might ask questions. I am not sure if I should go that far. It will create drama situation. But I will keep distance from him and no more sharing about me and my husband’s relationship. It was done in an effort for him to advise his son, nothing else. It has worked in the past. My husband knows I have talked briefly to his parents about our problems. They also know how their son is, they are not surprised.

It felt like that, I hope it wasn’t. It’s his son’s marriage, that’s bugging me most of everything. I am not sure if we can trust this men going forward.
But if I share with my husband it will destroy him.
For now I will forget and distance. If needed I will share with my husband in the future, hopefully that won’t be needed.

Of course you can’t trust him.

You need to make it very clear, either by words or actions, that he has overstepped. Do not be alone with him (he was fine doing this in front of your child). Dial it right back to basics.

Personally, I would also make plans to disentangle your lives.

You say if you tell him not to do it again it will create strain in the relationship; you haven’t created strain, he has.
Would you rather he saw your silence as a green light? I know that not everyone is assertive but you seem so passive.
Wouldn’t you rather stop it from recurring than have to deal with it again?

Is there a background here , for example religious. I can’t for the life of me fathom why any therapist would advise involving his parents to give him marriage advice, that’s ludicrous. Unless as said there is some form of religious back ground like Amish?

i honestly don’t understand also what you mean it was the last thing you wished to do when you were busy telling your fil how mean your husband was,it makes no real sense.

youre not children, you don’t go running to mummy and daddy to tell tales so they sort it for you,

I think she has created strain, a different type of strain, she was bad mouthing her husband to his own father,

Uhm... I don't think the Amish use the internet ?
They only allow a telephone in a barn for emergency veterinary care...

But agree that OP sounds a bit naive.
The FiL may have been lusting after her since they first met.
Such situations do happen and are depicted in fiction.
I remember a film with jeremy irons as the offending FIL. Creepy.

Also OP you don't have to keep repeating the same chunk of text to answer different comments.
We can all read all your replies.
Are you using AI ?

It's wrong but my decision on what to do next would depend on the nature of his intent. If you think his intentions were to show passion, my response would be different to if he was being overzealous in his attempts to console and reassire you (ie clumsy). It appears like he clearly thinks a lot of you as the wife of his son. It doesn't make any of this right and it was uncomfortable for you but my ability to forgive would depend on his intent.

No more fucking ‘hugs’, he’s groping you. And hugging you outside of a public farewell or greeting with everyone else doing the same is intimate. You have no boundaries OP and your FIL is fantasising about screwing you. His actions are not your responsibility but your reactions are.

sidestep all hugs going forward and look him in the eye and say pointedly ‘I’m not a hugger’.

It won’t happen again as I won’t be greeting him with a hug anymore. The reason I wrote this whole essay was to hear different opinions (and perhaps similar experiences) on his intentions. I live in US but I grew up in Southeast Europe so there is a cultural differences between the West World and my upbringing. I was raised to be kind and polite, you might have confused that with passiveness. It doesn’t mean I can’t be firm and direct.

Calm down, I am not Amish.
I will take your advice into consideration, that is, if me and husband get to divorce point again, we just gonna surprise the grandparents with the Divorce Degree, as you grown ups do.

I had no idea, I know they don’t use electricity? So it makes sense to only have a landline phone

Difficult @Jamesmama but sometimes people just get too familiar and overstep. My FIL I got on well with and thought he saw me his daughter etc then one day after a visit, we hugged goodbye and he put his hand down and squeezed my bum. It totally changed my feelings and I just thought yuck. From then on I was more formal with him and never hugged him again. It was never mentioned and carried on like that till his death.

Thanks for clarifying no, I didn’t knew how this platform works.

Thank you for the reply, and for sharing. Omg that’s disgusting 🤢 and so were the kisses from my FIL. It’s such an uncomfortable thought to live with, especially since my in-laws are often around us. And my kids. I don’t
want him hugging and kissing my kids anymore too. How were you able to never share with your husband? I feel not at peace for not sharing with him especially since he sees his parents as some perfect people