How should I handle a client who thinks I’m too posh?

[DickvanDyck]

I've recently been asked to work with a client and had the first meeting.

I thought it went well. He seemed nice, it was pretty unremarkable.

I've now heard via a colleague that he's a bit unsure of working with me. Because I'm "posh". He's not sure I'll be on the same page as him for the planned work.

I really don't know what to do. I need to build a rapport with this man and I want to. This has happened before but the context was different and I was able to handle it in a different way that is not possible in this situation.

My manager is aware and I can't swap account managers (marketing)

I really don't know how to approach this.

Don't change anything, just be professional and do your job.

He has a class prejudice problem.

He sounds like a dick. Let him see you’re good at ypur job. Approachable, efficient, professional

he probably wants to work with a man

is his attitude to be expected in your line of work?

Don’t change anything, this is his problem. Imagine if he’d said he didn’t want to work with you because you were too common.

This should help, it fits your situation perfectly (but will require you to drink Heineken):

(And yes that's a him problem, all you can do is perservere and show him you're good and he was wrong to judge)

All of this. He was probably making a momentary joke with no clue it would be reported back to you (I'd be careful what you say to the colleague who told you as they may well be spreading around casual comments you make as well).

I would definitely not try changing your accent or trying to relate stories of your life that prove how unposh you are - that sounds like a David Mitchell comedy sketch. Just do the job well - make sure you're taking the time to listen to him and check he's happy with everything (if anything, sounds like he might be a tiny bit intimidated).

That sounds very fake to do it deliberately.

I mean people do it accidentally (I know I do) but surely it's cynical and fake to do it deliberately?

The client is worried you are out of touch and won't "get" what he wants or understand his concerns. Over time you build rapport and show them that you do and can.

I've definitely had clients think I'm not posh enough for them as a lawyer because I have a Northern accent and am unpretentious. Which I would say is harder to get over as there can be class prejudice and serious punching down going on their part. Also lots of people I work with now from the region I grew up think I have a really posh accent.

Just be yourself and definitely don't change your accent deliberately.

Anyone from a WC background who has led a socially mobile life and is obviously still in the lives of family, childhood friends etc will have a variety of accents available for use. Not an issue. My accent isn’t me.

Be your authentic self regardless of what he says. It will be obvious if you try to change. I felt quite rejected when I was young because my accent was quite different to where we lived (we'd moved and I never lost my original accent). I tried to change and use colloquialisms, and that just made it worse! These days I embrace that my accent is quite mixed and ppl can take it or leave it, I won't be changing & nor should you.

Being 'posh' isn't a bad thing. Not sure why he thinks it's ok to judge that and bring it up in the workplace when it would obviously not go down well at all if it was the other way round & he said someone was too working class to get along with at work 🤷 ppl would bite his head off.

Agreed, I definitely code switch too. I don't think it's fake at all, just adapting to situations.

I'm from a working class background, moved 200 miles away from where I grew up, do a higher professional job and still have my accent. I am myself with everyone and absolutely do not change to fit in. Yes, topics of conversation may be different and to an extent I can't help copying the accent of the person I'm listening to, but it's not deliberate.

This is really a bit risky, isn't it? Going in trying to speak Cockney or something will just make OP sound ridiculous. She won't be able to keep up and the client already knows how she normally speaks.

It’s incomprehensible to me how this isn’t easy for people. Not ‘risky’, no, it’s quite subtle.

Exactly.

I would wonder as well if he has issues with you being a woman and is intimated by the concept of working with a 'posh', accomplished female and he is feeling inferior.

It is his issue anyway and if he can't get over it then you might be better off anyway without such a difficult client.

I speak a few languages and I have a foreign accent in them. If I could really take on any accent I could pass as a native. Only a small minority are that good and they're the ones who can become spies.

I wouldn’t change the way you speak, that would be cringe.

Client sounds a bit chippy, or maybe it was a throwaway comment?

Just try to build a rapport and if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t 🤷‍♀️

Respectfully, that’s a very UK monoglot approach. It’s not that hard to sound like a native when speaking another language.

This! Why would a colleague tell you this? What's their motivation?!

Maybe your colleague is trying to snatch work off of you? Is your industry quite competitive? Whats the dynamic between you to? They’ve definitely succeeded in putting a seed of doubt in your mind.

You say the only thing he could know about you that lead to this opinion is your accent, but that’s not really true. When I worked in teaching, we often had trainees who could be described as “too posh” for the lower income schools they wanted to work in. It wasn’t just their accents. It was what they wore, their mannerisms, the language they used, anecdotes they told, comparisons they made, casual remarks, facial reactions they were probably entirely unaware of.

Hopefully this was just a jokey remark your colleague took too seriously or a sign that he is the problem not you. But you haven’t shared much about his industry/the world his project operates in, so it might be worth reflecting whether there is something in what he’s said.

They really don't. I'm from a stereotypical Yorkshire mining family and my work takes me everywhere from presenting at international conferences, and talking to CEOs to the factory floor in a boiler suit covered in grease and its never occurred to me to change my accent nor have colleagues from similar backgrounds. How ridiculous.

Don’t try to ‘unposh’ your accent. You’ll end up like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins.

I can assure you it’s completely normal.

Although if OP covered herself in soot and started dancing in the roof the client would probably quite quickly forget about how she speaks! 😂