Have you ever met someone who has no empathy?

[Wivern]

I was wondering about this today after I met up with a friend who meets this description but who I still value a lot because we have been friends for a long time. It made me wonder how many people are like this which we never realise unless they do something absolutely horrific and cruel. The latter are probably the ones that get noticed but I wondered about the ones who don’t because they just blend in and don’t commit crimes?

Yes, my husband too. He can’t seem to understand how others feel, it’s always about him and how he feels. Really hadn’t properly realised until now

Me too.

I’m not ND (as far as I’m aware), I just really struggle with people not taking responsibility for their life choices. I make all the right noises socially, but have no true empathy in most situations.

I apply the same ‘standards’ to my own life and I believe I own my mistakes. For example, I made a terrible career decision a couple of years ago, effectively trapping myself in a job I hate. But I don’t go around pointing fingers - the blame lies fully with me. I’ve made my miserable bed and now have to lie in it.

ND people can have no empathy but a huge sense of right & wrong tho

I used to be a kind and considerate person with empathy and compassion, I was even a people pleaser but then I had a oppositional defiant daughter who sucked the soul out of me and left a shadow of the woman I used to be. I haven’t got the patience or energy for any nonsense these days because whatever you want to throw my way I’ve dealt worse at home and if you want to start something I have plenty of pent up anger to take out on you so be my guest,

The person I know like this has performative empathy where they will cry over a stranger's suffering but don't actually display any genuine empathy for the people in their lives. Weird.

Dealing with people who have no empathy is easy-just avoid them.
Unfortunately the people I know with no empathy at all are my brother and my mother- so impossible to avoid them.

I know her too.

i used to

My ex husband.

Yes, though in my experience it is no more or less infallible than anyone else's.

I work with someone that I do sometimes struggle with because she is insistent that her autism means that she simply has to be blunt with everyone because she cannot bear to not be entirely truthful and doesn't understand not communicating in the most efficient way. Which I'd find easier if she didn't also insist that her rejection sensitive dysphoria means that we all have to be extremely careful and thoughtful about how we communicate with her at all times so as not to cause unintended upset. She would absolutely say she has a strong sense of justice, but it doesn't seem an entirely objective one...

My former manager springs to mind. Another employee had just lost a baby and when they had left the office he said something along the lines of that’s not our problem.

Sorry your parents were such wankers

My Dad has little to no empathy. If someone dies/ is seriously ill the best response he can muster up is “oh well shit happens”. I don’t feel he truly cares about anyone but himself and he only ever sees a situation from his point of view.

My dad had no empathy. I believe he was on the autistic spectrum but he was born in the 1930s, was successful in his career, married and had a family, he was never going to be assessed/diagnosed. He was perfectly nice, but seemed not to be able to feel anything or understand that other people might feel something, or know how to respond. I remember early in our relationship my now dh watching football on TV with him, v important match for dh's team, and my dad laughing when they lost, and my dh so surprised, as they got on so well and my dad was quiet and gentle and not into teasing at all.

For the most part my mother was the epitome of the stiff upper lip.
She was anything but affectionate and empathetic. It was more like just suck it up and get on with it. I've wondered today if that's why I have preferred going in for operations, medical treatments, procedures or tests etc on my own; I don't take comfort from having anyone by my side.

People with no empathy scare me. I couldn’t be around people like some posters here describe others to be like. It sounds really disturbing. It’s also interesting how nurses having no empathy keeps popping up on this thread

Husband

This reminds me of the boyfriend that I had at the time. We were both 25. I was watching the aftermath on tv, and he became bored with it. He said, “Turn that shit off, we’ve seen enough of it.” I was aghast. A few days later he discovered that he knew someone, very vaguely, who had died in one of the towers. He was quite upset.

I worked for a woman with no empathy and it nearly broke me. She wore me down over two years with micromanaging, bitchy comments, constantly insinuating that I was on the brink of being fired and pitting other team members against me. I remember going to a meeting with her at another company's office in a really, really old building. I was wearing heels and tripped on the slightly stone staircase as we left. I remember her looking at me with the nastiest, smuggest smirk. It was so subtle but one of those micro moments where the mask slipped. My mental health really suffered and it was almost like she got a bang out of seeing me wilt like a plant. On more than one occasion she made vile comments about instances where the tube was delayed due to a person on the track which do not bear repeating (basically disparaging people with mental health issues) . Many people thought she was wonderful and hilarious but she genuinely had not a shred of empathy. She particularly liked to isolate and humiliate anyone who was a bit different or quirky. I absolutely don't think it was out of insecurity. She just genuinely didn't give monkey's about others distress. She genuinely would have quietly wrecked my career of she could have but I got head-hunted by another firm so...

I’ve come across a lot of people who have no empathy. And it’s more of a cluster B thing than an autistic thing. Although I think autistic people often don’t show their feelings the same way NT people do.

I’m autistic and also very empathic. I can’t see someone crying without crying myself. It feels like I’m in physical pain if I watch someone suffering.

I guess we’re all different!

Yes, 2 of my partners. One COULD do empathy, or certainly could fake it (not sure which it was) with others but had none for me. Ever. Said they loved me, could be affectionate, but if I needed comforting or support? Totally unable to. Discussed it in therapy.

Second one just really couldn't do it. Wasn't a bad person per se, but totally unable to understand or feel for others. I'm pretty sure he is undiagnosed ASD (not just the inability to feel empathy). EXPECTED empathy from others however.

My daughter. She’s ND and a maths genius. She says things like “ok” in response to someone sharing a bereavement. Everything is just fact.

This reminds me of the boyfriend I had at 22. I was at his when the awful news about Dunblane came on the tv. He made a very similar comment to your ex and I felt absolutely sick. So glad I was brave enough to leave him.

I'm a nurse and I think that quite a lot of nurses have no empathy.
I don't mean me - but I've observed that a reasonable proportion of nurses really shouldn't be in the job. It's horrible for their patients.