Have you ever met someone who has no empathy?

[Wivern]

I was wondering about this today after I met up with a friend who meets this description but who I still value a lot because we have been friends for a long time. It made me wonder how many people are like this which we never realise unless they do something absolutely horrific and cruel. The latter are probably the ones that get noticed but I wondered about the ones who don’t because they just blend in and don’t commit crimes?

Yeh one of my newer friends has no empathy. But I like her anyway!

Yes.
They are a (terrible) Nurse.

Absolutely zero feelings, empathy, sympathy or kindness towards any human beings at all.
Baffled me how on Earth they fell into the profession.
Worked like a machine, absolutely no reaction to patients in pain or distress. Matter of fact and business like when dealing with everyone they came in contact with.

Me 😩
I really struggle with it.
Ive learned over time the correct and expected response to situations where empathy is expected or needed though.

Probably my ex. He was smart though, and learned how to behave socially, and say the right things, etc. Did not give a shiny shit in reality though about any one but himself.

Yes. She went through life upsetting people and never understanding why. I worked with her and understood her to a degree, she really never meant to offend people but she did, a lot. She used to think she knew best about everything and then didn’t understand why people weren’t grateful when she told them how they were wrong and what they should do!

Do you think that’s a “defence” mechanism? Like if she let her guard down she would get attached to all her patients? Just wondering

I’m wondering that too. I’d crack if I had to do this job

Yes -my partner of 12 years. Never looked back.
His lack of empathy was abusive and damaging

My daughter never has. Its strange to see. My MIL is the same. They aren'tmean but they literally don't understandother people's feelings.. DS on the otherhand has taken her portion and is ao empathetic it is equally strange!

Yes, my 30yr old daughter. I was a bit unsettled a few years ago when she said quite bluntly that she just doesn't care about anyone. She was truly perplexed by it herself but she'd concluded she just has no empathy. People love her though, and are drawn to her as she's very charismatic.

Lots of ND people. Not intentional

Gosh there's a nurse in our community exactly like this.
Unfortunately I had to witness her when my mum was having palliative care at home.
It was shocking 😞

I can't remember the correct terminology but there are 2 types of empathy. The one where you imagine how someone else feels in a certain situation, and the one where you react to another person having feelings. I have bags of the second sort, but almost none of the first. I have never been able to put myself in someone else's shoes unless I've experienced similar, or read it in a book or seen it in a film or tv show. I have for example never understood why other women need to go to the toilet with someone else. I physically cannot imagine a reason for this. It's one of the reasons I love MN - other posters fill in many many gaps for me.

Really?

I am highly empathic... to a fault really. I often feel like I can feel people's pain especially if I imagine it as me in that position.

I really do not think it’s a defensive thing, it’s their personality, almost sociopathic.
In 35 years of friendship I have seen them show emotion twice, only because an extremely close relative of theirs was going through a health crisis.
TV programmes, films with very sad scenes do nothing to them and they are genuinely puzzled about why on Earth their colleagues are upset over utter utter tragic young people dying on shift.
Their reaction “ but you don’t know them so why are you upset?” Not getting the tragic, human to human awfulness of a situation.
It’s bizarre.

My friend’s mum didn’t seem to have empathy - she was a paediatric district nurse. My mum knew her very well and said she just put things into perspective - she’d worked with a lot of very sick children and a lot had died (this was the 50s, 60’s and 70s when medicine wasn’t as advanced as it is now) and didn’t seem to have any empathy or sympathy when her own kids were ill because she’d seen, and nursed, children who were so sick. My mum said that my friend’s mum had said, when everyone in the room is falling apart, someone has to be the strong one.

That's interesting. Is that from a study? I love psychology.

Yes me. I’m autistic. I used to get told off a lot for inappropriate reactions to things. I taught myself to mask well over time and can now react appropriately and usually recognise peoples feelings (though don’t always get it right) but I still don’t really understand.

Yes, I know someone like this.

She's one of those people who asks you a question about a particular aspect of your life, you tell her, and then she ridicules your answer. I belong to a creative hobby group and she asks about that. One of her crackers was "Do you think you've improved?" in a tone of voice that clearly showed that she thought my efforts were utter crap and I could hardly get any worse.
Negging to an epic degree.

Do you find it easier to understand if you imagine yourself in those situations or do you find that hard as well?

Hope you don't mind me asking. I just find it interesting.

It’s One of the traits of Sociopathy. I recently read a book by a sociopath about her life, so interesting and informative.

The book I read was Sociopath by Patric Gagne - I recommend it!

Definitely autistic, says so themselves. Quite difficult to like.
With 35 years of friendship, I am probably one of the very few on their inner friendship circle. They do show friendship in their own way.

Yes. On occasion, DH. After 9/11 he said, “Why would I care? I don’t know anybody in New York.” Wow.

I would say that sounds more like narcissistic behaviour. They genuinely enjoy putting others down and feeling superior so they don't pass up any opportunity to be a twat. People without empathy may go to extreme lengths to hide that from others because they want to be liked. They learn exactly what social cues and situations warrant what sort of empathetic behaviour so they can appear extremely charming and friendly to others.

There's also the concept of a dark empath, which is someone who is capable of feeling or understanding empathy but they still don't give a shit on a cognitive level. So they don't struggle to recognise situations and social cues where empathy is required and they will easily perform the part required of them. However deep down, they genuinely don't care or even delight in the misfortune of others especially if it goes to an unpleasant person who they feel deserved it.

It's basically someone high on empathy but also high on the dark triad traits. Eg. Imagine a tragic accident where a child drowns due to questionable behaviour from the parent. Most people will feel lots of sadness for the child and also for the parent because their punishment was not proportional to the act of neglect. A psychopath will feel no empathy for the child or parent. A dark empath will feel empathy for the child but, as a result, pure hatred towards to the parent for allowing something like that to happen. They will see the death as karmic justice for the laziness and entitlement of the parent and they "deserve" to be held responsible for that act for the rest of their lives.