I'm not a daughter any more

[GingerBum]

I'm not a daughter any more

The house phone went, I thought it was my dad.

He died 20 months ago. My mum died 7 years ago

I think we are allowed to describe ourselves as we wish, who are you to say?!

If I want to call myself an orphan I will! It's not 'daft'. I know I'm not technically an orphan but I'm allowed to describe myself using that word. How utterly horrible to police some posters language on a thread about grief..
Just except that although technically we know we are not orphans maybe we feel like one.
Maybe pop over to Pendants Corner to deride us?

Thanks everyone.

I forgot they had died. They were one of a few people to ring the house phone. I cannot recall the last time it went. I was in the kitchen and dried my hands feeling really happy about a catch up. Then it hit me. It couldn't be them and it wouldn't ever be.

DM death was sudden, DF was brutal and long. Relationships are complex. I did everything I couldn't to ease their passing and was holding his hand as he died.

I feel untethered. It is unsettling to be the oldest generation.

What is the word for children who lose both parents then? Because there is a massive difference between that and losing your parents as adults.

You can call yourself what you like, but it feels ....I don't know, disrespectful maybe? To children who have lost their parents

same!! So I'm wondering what these people would now call children who have lost their parents?!

Equally disrespectful for posters to tell others how they feel is daft.

You feel like you lost your parents as a child, even if you lost them as an adult? As that's what I thought as orphan was.

Words don't have meaning anymore then? Just, if you feel something, then you are it?

Does it really matter?
There are posters here who are bereaved and find it challenging to be the oldest generation in the family. Is picking apart the vocabulary they use really necessary?

Sorry, you don't think there is a different between losing your parents as a child/adolescent as opposed to an adult?

Does it really matter? Vocabulary? To me, yes.

God this thread is getting derailed. Sorry OP..

They feel orphaned as they have lost their parents. It’s completely fine for them to feel that way and use the word if they want to. Nobody needs to defend, explain or justify the use. This isn’t AIBU so perhaps let people express their feelings using whichever words they feel comfortable using, without the unnecessary criticism and derision.

Excellent.
this is a thread about losing one’s parents perhaps give it a rest with the pedantic comments. It’s really not appropriate.

"It’s completely fine for them to feel that way and use the word if they want to. Nobody needs to defend, explain or justify the use" I find this really interesting...

Like I said, I find it disrespectful. I'm allowed to say that.

Of course you are allowed to say that. Perhaps this isn’t the appropriate chat for it, though.

Paddler. You actually called us daft. Please leave us alone. I do not need you to tell me what I should feel.

Feel what you want. You are not an orphan if you lose your parents as an adult.

Yes, maybe not. But someone commented up above they thought it was daft and I responded to that. Then it's gone from there...

Daft didn't leave my fingertips. I actually think it's quite gross personally.

I'm out. Sorry OP for the derailment.

Oh op. Big hugs. It is horrible.

I remember this feeling well the first time it happened.

""Oh that's dad, I'll call him back after I get the baby down... It's not dad... He's never going to call me again... He's not here. He's not anywhere. Be doesn't exist anymore. How can that be? I've never been alive without him. Nobody loves me like he did."

When my dad died ( mum died a long time ago) I felt so alone. I’ve got a DH and kids, but they don’t have the history that my parents did, can’t talk about things from long ago. Remember that they are in your heart and your memory forever.

Same. My dad died suddenly four days before a big birthday. I'll never forget seeing the presents my mum had so carefully chosen and wrapped.

That, and his work clothes over a chair in his bedroom, taken off two hours before he died.