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Original poster

I'm not a daughter any more

90 replies

GingerBum · 02/08/2026 01:41

I'm not a daughter any more

The house phone went, I thought it was my dad.

He died 20 months ago. My mum died 7 years ago

OP posts:
shellyleppard · 02/08/2026 15:44

@GingerBum big hugs x

Whosthetabbynow · 02/08/2026 15:47

I’m an orphan but I’m still my parents’ daughter. That’s how I see myself although I’m a sister, wife, mum and Nan x

Holesintheground · 02/08/2026 15:50

I feel this too at particular moments. When I get to my holiday destination, I think 'must ring mum and dad' because they liked to hear we'd arrived safely, and then I remember that they aren't here anymore and no one is waiting for me to ring.

But I'm still a daughter, their daughter. Proud to be my mum's daughter and my dad's daughter, for many reasons but because I always knew I was loved. @Gardenisablooming hugs to you. I was and am very lucky.

CarrieMoonbeams · 02/08/2026 15:56

My mum lived in a retirement flat and when we were emptying it after her death, another resident said to me "Are you someone's daughter?" - I think she meant, as opposed to a resident myself. I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. I said "No, not any more" and cried when I got to my car. Both of my parents were very difficult people and I had a really tough childhood but it still got to me.

Grief is such a tricky thing to navigate, but I hope you have happy memories of your parents🌸

Dontcallmescarface · 02/08/2026 16:21

Hugs OP.
I was a daughter with 2 parents on January 1st 2020, by December 31st 2020 I was an orphan. It sucks at times even now.

Mrcollinswave · 02/08/2026 16:21

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 02/08/2026 02:26

I’m so sorry, it’s tough isn’t it when you become the oldest generation in your family. It’s a feeling of being ‘untethered’ for me, like the roots have gone.

But you’ll always be their daughter just like they’ll always be your mum and dad, even though they’re not here anymore.

I lost both my parents in my 20s/30s over 20 years ago. I still miss them and of course I wish they were around to see how my amazing kids have grown up - making me a bit tearful typing that tbh! But time really does soften the blow. For a long time I could only think of them during the most recent times when they were ill, but now I remember them as they were in my childhood, full of life and so cool, as 1980s parents were!

I hope you have lots of happy memories of your parents too. They’ll always be here, in your DNA and in your heart.

I once ‘became’ my mum when tripping on acid and have felt a lot closer to her ever since - when I look in the mirror and see my face looking more like her face as I age it’s quite a privilege.

That's such a lovely post and you're right...becoming the family "elder"
does feel unsettling...especially when you haven't grown up yet like me (I'm 63!) 😄

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 02/08/2026 17:10

I'm sorry I totally misunderstood this thread. I now see what you mean.

Sorry.

CatLandOffTheA3 · 02/08/2026 17:13

I'm an orphan too @GingerBum It sucks.

PaddlerRock · 02/08/2026 17:15

Culpeper · 02/08/2026 14:59

My parents are dead. I’m still their daughter. That didn’t stop when they died. Words like parent, daughter, son, mother, and father describe enduring relationships, not just someone’s current state of being alive.

Also describing oneself as an ‘orphan’ once parents die is a bit daft. An adult does not become an orphan when their parents die. An orphan is a child whose parents have died. As an adult with dead parents, you’re not an orphan in the usual sense of the word.

@Culpeper I'm with you I have never seen adults describe themselves as orphans like on this thread

PeterPaulandSue · 02/08/2026 17:34

So sorry OP it’s not a good feeling. It feels like your roots have gone. I’m an only one, and to make matters worse I lost my last uncle who I was close to shortly after mum passed.
Do you have any other family ?

B0D · 02/08/2026 17:45

Both my parents are dead, I don’t call myself an orphan because they died when I was an adult. It’s a strange feeling, no aunts or uncles left either. Grief is complex.

Culpeper · 02/08/2026 18:35

PaddlerRock · 02/08/2026 17:15

@Culpeper I'm with you I have never seen adults describe themselves as orphans like on this thread

Show quote history

I’m imagining myself meeting a new person.

‘I’m an orphan’

’I’m so sorry, that must’ve been tough. What happened?’

’Well, I was 50 and 52 when my mum died at 92 and my dad was 94, leaving me and my older siblings orphaned’

🥴

dogsmaid · 02/08/2026 18:55

@CulpeperI thought you had to be a child to be an orphan?!

PistachioTiramisu · 02/08/2026 19:19

I understand completely. I was 'orphaned' at 53 and miss my dear parents every single day. I talk to them, I apologise for things I said or did, I just miss them so much. Nobody loves you like your parents - ever.

Lavenderfieldsz · 02/08/2026 19:21

So sorry to hear that. You will always be their daughter.

ChirpyTealFox · 02/08/2026 19:30

Lost my mum 1 month ago and df 8 months before. Its been really shit and I'm still trying to work out how I'm supposed to navigate life without them but we're still our parents daughter x

Ipsevenenabibas · 02/08/2026 19:31

You will always be their daughter and they will live on in you.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 02/08/2026 19:37

I lost my father in my early 40s, he was 72. I really did feel it then.

My DM went on to 97 - but for at least the last 15 years she had dementia, so TBH it was something of a relief when she was finally released from such a pitiful existence, which her former self would have absolutely hated.

I really do feel for anyone who loses parents early.

ShanghaiDiva · 02/08/2026 19:51

Culpeper · 02/08/2026 18:35

I’m imagining myself meeting a new person.

‘I’m an orphan’

’I’m so sorry, that must’ve been tough. What happened?’

’Well, I was 50 and 52 when my mum died at 92 and my dad was 94, leaving me and my older siblings orphaned’

🥴

Show quote history

Some people do feel ‘orphaned’ when their parents have died (regardless of age) and it’s not pleasant to poke fun at people who feel this way.

Culpeper · 02/08/2026 20:09

ShanghaiDiva · 02/08/2026 19:51

Some people do feel ‘orphaned’ when their parents have died (regardless of age) and it’s not pleasant to poke fun at people who feel this way.

Show quote history

I’m just pointing out that it’s daft. I’m not little orphan Annie because my parents died when I was 50-odd.

Calling myself an orphan because my elderly parents died feels like stretching the word beyond recognition.

ShanghaiDiva · 02/08/2026 20:13

Culpeper · 02/08/2026 20:09

I’m just pointing out that it’s daft. I’m not little orphan Annie because my parents died when I was 50-odd.

Calling myself an orphan because my elderly parents died feels like stretching the word beyond recognition.

Show quote history

There is no need to point it out. People are affected by bereavement in different ways. What are you hoping to achieve by saying it’s daft?

gfv12 · 02/08/2026 20:21

I’m an only child now. I lost my younger sibling not long ago and it hurts like hell every day. ❤️

Culpeper · 02/08/2026 20:24

ShanghaiDiva · 02/08/2026 20:13

There is no need to point it out. People are affected by bereavement in different ways. What are you hoping to achieve by saying it’s daft?

Show quote history

Not hoping to achieve anything. It is daft.

ShanghaiDiva · 02/08/2026 20:25

Culpeper · 02/08/2026 20:24

Not hoping to achieve anything. It is daft.

Show quote history

Yes, you’ve said.

5128gap · 02/08/2026 20:30

I've been an orphan for 8 years. But everytime I hear my mums sayings coming out of my mouth and see my dad's eyes in the mirror, I know I'm a daughter alright.

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