DP hasn't called as promised....

[Meckrel]

Longstanding DP, don't live together, in contact or see each other daily, but not back and forth texting all day.

I last saw him about 11:30 last night when he went home, as he had an early start and a long day today. His last words were he'd call when he finishes, which could be "late"

I haven't heard anything. This is very unusual. That said, I haven't contacted him either. He said he'd call me when he could, so I assumed he would. I don't have anything in particular I need to talk to him about, I'm only concerned because he said he'd call and hasn't iyswim.

So would you be;
Annoyed?
Worried?
Neutral and go to bed without a second thought?

Fwiw I do know what I plan to do, just wondering how others might respond.

I wouldn’t be massively concerned, but I would send a “I’m off to bed now, hope you had a good night” sort of message.

I'm interested in why you're interested.

I thought I'd explained?

How does one get diagnosed with RSD, and who by? And how can they tell you have this, rather than just being someone who worries a lot about their relationships, like loads of people do?

That's not meant to sound shitty by the way, I am genuinely interested as I had never come across it before.

interested too re the rsd. I’d always thought it on a par with being an empath… “I feel things so much deeper and stronger than anyone else therefore I’ll behave like x” is it a recognised condition with diagnositic criteria?

I'm pleased he's home. To answer your question, as it interested me, I would have been in the "I would message because I would be worried" camp.

But then I often worry that if someone is 5 minutes late, it's because they've died in a car crash, so may not be a normal comparison!

I don't really care if it's a recognised condition, it's just self awareness. I know I am prone to over reacting to rejection, which is a useful thing to understand about yourself.

My dh works away a lot and if he is very busy I might not hear from him. I would just leave it.

So stop pathologising it?

I'd assume he's had a busy day, possibly text him, and go to bed. I wouldn't take it personally.

Why? It's helpful that (some people) recognise it and there are known and shared strategies to manage it.

Why Do people turn that off? Baffles me!!

So that's a thing ? How did we get to the point where every thought and reaction has to be classified. So your being a bit sensitive is now an excuse to be weird.
I would leave him in peace.
You say you don't live together so I assume you don't share finances, kids, family etc.
He's not a "partner", he's a boyfriend.

And if you pathologise this into a named condition rather than a perfectly normal human response you'll increasingly self identify with that condition, constantly focus on it, and make it even more salient in your own mind.
Like you did here.

I do it because I get a lot of out of hours work messages and want to reply when it suits me, not when people can see I've been online looking at others' messages.

Additionally, for me, with my sensitivity to rejection, it's not helpful to know someone has been active but not responded to me.

I guess they take a look at their personality traits that are less than perfect, and rather than face the fact that all of us have a few oddities about them, they give it an acronym which legitimises it, and makes them feel special.
If you are insecure just say so.
What a ridiculous world we live in.

Because it’s allowing you to just shrug and fail to deal your own deeply irrational responses to a perfectly ordinary situation, as here.

I'm insecure- oh well, better stop being silly then.

I've got RSD- this is a medical condition I'm stuck with it and must act accordingly.

🙄

Why are people here so concerned about what others call their relationships? Why does it matter to you what he is?

What is the acceptable term for a decades long realtionship, where you consider each other in all plans and life decisions but don't live together?

I was very confused by RSD, thinking you can probably get a brace from the chemist for that.
Glad you got hold of your DP and that you had a nice evening in the end.

I think it’s your extreme insecurity that is throwing people off here, because it suggests a much newer, perhaps not established relationship, possibly involving two very young people. .

It’s interesting to me that anyone would frame a friend/partner/relative not phoning as they said they would for a bedtime chat as “rejection”.

My DH works abroad regularly. He usually calls or messages every day depending on time zone, but I wouldnt see him not calling as a rejection of me, but more a function of him being tired or busy, phone out of charge, wifis down etc etc

RSD isn't a condition on its own. It's a description of one of the symptoms of adhd. Neurotypical people tend to either be very sceptical about whether these exist or alternatively latch onto the milder aspects of it and say they also have it/everyone does a bit etc. You can argue about whether any mild/moderate neurodivergence is a pathology or just normal human variation. The label however is there to describe areas of deficit that make it difficult or impossible to function in life, rather than being small annoyances. Only the OP will know where she sits with that and whether she has had a condition since childhood or whether the stresses of her relationship not being a live-in one so she doesn't know where her partner is are producing a similar effect.

My DD has ADHD and RSD (very commonly linked) and was diagnosed by a physchologist. I am sure there are many anxious people out there who think they have RSD but don't.

Yes, I have ADHD too and it explained a lot about my undiagnosed childhood.

It's not my realtionship that makes me respond like this. I can be much worse in my response to friends and casual aquaintances, even my DC.

In fact I never said how yesterday's situation made me feel (and no one asked). People here have jumped to conclusions. I was very nearly at a go to bed and don't worry about it point, which is unusual for me, and is what got me thinking about how others might respond and how I have been managing things much better. I wondered if not worrying at all might be a bit much!