Shopping for neighbour

[DarkChocolateNut]

Our neighbours daughter knocked the door earlier in the week to tell us that our neighbour had been in hospital and is now at home recovering. The daughter doesn’t live near us so she asked if we would be able to get her mum some shopping when she needs it and go in her house and put it away as she can’t lift much.

We said that if she sends us a text we will add anything she needs onto our Tesco online shop which comes on Saturdays and we will go round with it and put it away. We did that for the first time yesterday. We gave our neighbour the bill and she said she would get her daughter to pay us.

The daughter contacted us for our bank details and paid but commented how expensive it was and said her mum usually shops in Lidl. I text back to say that we’ve never shopped in Lidl but find Tesco quite reasonable. She has now asked us if next week we will get her mums shopping from Lidl as her mum is on a tight budget and can’t afford much. I replied saying we don’t have time to go to Lidl for her but to let us know if she wants anything from Tesco then to let us know by Friday evening so we can put it on our order. She said she can’t afford it so she doesn’t know what she will do now and asked if we really couldn’t spare the time to go to Lidl as it’s only 10 minutes away in the car.

My husband said to tell her that she should be grateful we are helping at all and can sort her own mother out from now on. I don’t mind adding things to our Tesco order but I’m not going to Lidl for her and I do think she is rude to expect us to go to LIdl.

She is being cheeky isn’t she? We get our shopping delivered to save time going to a supermarket so I’m not going to one for someone else.

It will definitely escalate, you can ignore but it sounds like the CF would keep asking.
I think maybe either say you won’t be assisting her .. full stop . And block .. or you ask if she would like a list of charges sent to her .. for example shopping £10 each trip Lawn mowing £20 hr etc
She should contact adult social services.

Block her before she sends you a shopping list and more complaints about the price

Tell her Morrisons doorstep delivery do free delivery apparently for the elderly and vulnerable? Or for a small donation e.g. £1.50

Morrisons via Amazon or Tesco via Whoosh will be too expensive (especially if normal Tesco was). Asda might be their best bet.
Neither Aldi nor Lidl do home delivery.

As for grass cutting, that would be up to your son if he wanted to play good Samaritan but it's a high likelihood that rather than a one-off, it becomes an expectation.

It's already happening with the extra tasks. Re-state firmly that you can't undertake any regular commitments for her. The daughter needs to source local services for her mum. Having infirm parents is hard work and it's not for you to take on. She clearly either doesn't want to, or isn't realising the road ahead yet. I suspect the former.

Gosh, neighbours daughter is piling on those requests pretty fast ins’t she? Doesn’t she realise that if you are going to boil a frog you start gently?

Really cheeky of her, and well done to you for stating your boundaries.

She has misjudged this, she's asked way too much too soon. Easy no.

Neighbours do cut each other's lawns, sure, but not on this basis where she is demanding and assuming. You know when they ask for so much upfront they wouldn't even be grateful.

Amazing. I bet if they were really grateful and polite you wouldn’t have minded cutting the grass every now and then, but with that attitude she’s got your back up straight away. Let the daughter sort it all out herself. There are plenty of gardeners around, but she’ll have to pay.

@DarkChocolateNut how are these requests being worded ? Is it “could you possibly be able to please…” or is it more demanding. Sounds like the requests are originating directly from the DM - how else would the DD know you are mowing your lawn - but either she is a huge CF or too cowed to disagree with her DM. A shame really as had she approached it correctly, it sounds like you would have been happy to continue to do the odd little favour for them.

She’s being a cf.

she can organise online shopping and most supermarket drivers will take shopping in to the kitchen for vulnerable people

or she needs to contact social services or Age UK. There are lots of services and charities who will do shopping and put it away.

none of this is your responsibility

Stick to your guns. She is a cheeky fucker.

That is really cheeky fuckery at it’s best. I would tell her she needs to make other arrangements from here.

the grass is difficult, who would want to take on that responsibility, not a paid gardener

Lovely idea - my gran used to get those meals and they were really nice.

Yes. There’s load of people round here who just cut grass. Not actual gardeners.

She was polite at the door and the messages are worded politely but I think asking us to go to Lidl and cut her grass are cheeky requests. One or both of them are expecting far too much of us.

I was going to ignore any future messages but I’ve now blocked the number as I think I could have ended up with other requests including just checking in on her mum which may have been harder to ignore, and may have led to being asked to do more things when checking on her.

There are some good suggestions here about what they could arrange but I’m not going to suggest them as I don’t want to be involved when they’re so cheeky. They would probably try to get me to organise it for them.They have google and as much information as the rest of us so they can sort it out themselves.

We usually have a gardener and he does cut our lawn but he is on holiday at the moment, which is the only reason my son was cutting the grass. He didn’t even want to do ours but we managed to guilt him into it as we are working at home and he is off uni only working a couple of days a week. He definitely doesn’t want to be cutting the neighbours lawns.

you could if you felt charitable, give your neighbour, not her daughter, the details of your gardener?

you can shop online at Lidl click and collect then send a taxi, friend, to collect it
Mum will be well enough by now to put her own shopping away

we had an elderly neighbour who asked us were we going into town, when we innocently said yes, she asked us would we please fetch shopping for her - yes
of course, then she handed us a list, single items from different stores, we said
no we are going to to Tesco we can get this regular stuff from there.
Crotchety old neighbour told other neighbours I refused to get shopping for her
when she only wanted milk and cat food. eyeroll.

We also had a new neighbour had a new hip, had me doing all manner of odd
little chores and favours for her, including choosing and buying birthday cards
for nieces, tinned soups, vegan pantry stuff from alien stores, none of which she
paid us for, despite receipts and reminders, until neighbour on the other side told
us she was taking us for mugs, it was our turn apparently.
We’ve also noticed that those people who ask often unreasonable favours never,
ever say thank you and mercifully, fall out with us when we draw a line

Your husband is absolutely correct. I've no idea how at my age, some people's behaviour still manages to leave me gobsmacked. The daughter can make other arrangements if the kindness you are
extending is not good enough for her. Other PPs have mentioned watching out for other caring duties that may be coming your way. I agree. We look out for our elderly neighbour through choice and because we are fond of her. Her daughter is happy knowing we are next door, but would never, ever take advantage. We didn't however agree to be on the red button overnight call out list. We'd finally been able to stop doing this for our own mothers and couldn't take that on again. The NDN family understood. Still gobsmacked at your neighbours daughter. Stick to your guns.

I used to get groceries for my DGM until she started on about prices and how I should shop around. On top of being a single working parent. No.

She ended up with Wiltshire Foods in the end and they were quite good.

This was my DGM so why does your neighbour's daughter think you'll do it for someone who isn't your family? She can shop at Lidl.

plus! what happens of she is unwell, or has a fall when you are there, then you are involved with ambulance, waiting with her until it arrives of the daughter lives a distance away.
or asks you to make her a cup of tea, or could you feed the cat, put her underclothes on the airer, help her up the stairs, on and on it goes

People always know who to ask don’t they.

should you be inclined to do this, OP, be ready for them to ask how much
does he charge?!
I’ve been caught out with this a few times but clued up now.
Financial agreements are between them.

No fair enough. I was replying to a poster who said it wasn’t possible to get someone just to cut the grass. Might be some teenagers around who will do it now it’s the holidays.

if you were on friendly or even neighbourly terms with the neighbour you would have known she had been in hospital/now home? ie if you didn’t /aren’t, why is the daughter picking on you
as pp have pointed out, we have Adult Social Services, Age UK, Microwave frozen food deliveries, supermarket deliveries, cleaners/helps from agencies, takeaways,
friends, relatives, but all they see is you OP.
look how cross we are on your behalf

I remembered years ago being drawn in like this to a needy neighbour I went out
of my way to help, only to discover months later that her shiftless unemployed
and disinterested son lived in the next road!

How cheeky, how far away does she live?

As when my parent was struggling I used to drive 90 mins every week to sort shopping etc. the daughter will have to sort it going forward, it’s her responsibility, not yours!

it’s ok asking the neighbours a couple of times when stuck, but not every week. And def not complaining that you bought shopping from the wrong store! She should be grateful you sorter the shopping, full stop!