Terrified to go into my own garden..

[TotallyTangerineGeum]

I just want to preface this by saying that I’ve name changed and MNHQ will be able to verify that I’ve been on here a long while. Just pointing this out, as I’ll inevitably get troll hunted on this one as it makes very little sense! I assure you I have not left anything out whatsoever and I’m sorry it’s such a long post.

I’m a widowed parent of one 11yr old DD. I have a small-ish dog who thankfully doesn’t bark much (which is relevant to this situation).

2 years ago, my usually always very friendly & chatty next door neighbour, randomly blocked me from texting her - which I rarely ever did anyway tbh, only ever if there was a parcel here for her etc. The last time I’d spoken to her, everything had been great. I was utterly mystified but figured it’d be sorted eventually and I’d ask her when I saw her next. With it being winter I didn’t see her for a while and when I did, I was ignored. Really odd but ok…. Maybe I or DD had made some noise? Although she has always assured me vehemently that she can’t hear anything from our side but even so, I don’t allow DD to make noise for my own sake as well as that of others!

Last summer, there were a few occasions when I was in my back garden (6ft fence with vertical planks with small gaps in between) and neighbour’s Dad who was there, shouted over at me. Once when I was taking a photo of a random plant which had popped up so I could identify it, he shouts “Come round if you want to take photos, you fat fuck!” Now, I should’ve asked WTF he was talking about and corrected him but I was too stunned to speak! Another time I got called a “sad pathetic loser” when I was cutting sweet pea flowers off my trellis on our adjoining fence. Followed by him saying to his daughter “Don’t worry she’s obviously got no life” Again, I hugely regret not saying something back and asking what on earth I’m meant to have said or done wrong. But having escaped extremely violent DV, I just don’t have the strength to confront any male and probably never will. It’s fight or flight and I flee. Until today, that is.

Around the end of last year, the neighbour got a dog of their own and despite my calling my dog in every single time, theirs still barks loudly every single time he sees my dog through the fence. I’ve tried putting tarpaulin up on the adjoining fence to prevent their dog seeing mine but nope, it still keeps happening. Thankfully my dog doesn’t usually bark back and if he does, it’s one singular woof to show his displeasure, then he comes in!
About 2 months ago, I wrote neighbour herself a letter (as she just blanks me when I try speaking to her face to face) explaining that I’ve absolutely zero clue what I’ve done to upset her, apologised if it’s noise (though I really don’t think it is, as DD & I are quiet people and when DD is at school, I’m often asleep or at hospital) and explaining that I only have about 12-14 months left to live due to an autoimmune disorder which she actually knows I have, that I want to spend what time I have left with my child in peace and just want to be left alone and politely requested that they stop slamming their front door as it was making us both jump a mile and was affecting DD at school when it happens during the night. I was very polite and promised to do what I can on my part to try and mitigate the situation with her dog seeing mine through the fence (which I have done, I put tarpaulin up but clearly I need to add more!)

Fast forward to a few weeks ago and now her Dad is seemingly living there and is making mine & my daughter’s lives a living hell.
EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I open one of my French doors and either let my dog out for a wee or I dare to step out into my own garden, not only does their dog bark like mad at mine (who now just ignores theirs as he’s used to it!) I get “Oh for fuck’s sake!” or her little boy goes running inside shouting “Mum, Granddad, she’s in her garden again!!!” followed by “Oh for fuck’s sake! Fucking typical!” It’s got to the point where I’m genuinely anxious to go into my own garden and I’m not exaggerating and I’m a keen gardener! I can’t even nip to my greenhouse to get some lettuce without a “Oh for fuck’s sake, fat fuck is out again!” 😳
Last week, I had to mow the lawn as it was the first day I’d had in weeks where I was well enough to do it and they were having a BBQ (I don’t think there were any guests but I decided to be as quick as possible anyway) and well, he was fuming and they went storming inside, slamming the door. I don’t know what was said as I had the mower on but heard door slam. That one was probably my fault for mowing whilst they were having a BBQ but if I’d waited until the next time I was well enough, the grass would’ve been too long to mow!

Another thing which I’ve been ignoring in the hope that it naturally settles (and to avoid confrontation with him), is the fact that their dog barks the ENTIRE TIME he is left in the house alone. Barks loudly and howls. So bad that me making a phone call is nigh on impossible. It’s often overnight also, so that is hell for DD especially. This happened today and I’ve taken to recording clips of it just in case it’s needed in future. When it finally stopped, presumably as he came home, the first thing I did, was quietly let DDog out as I’d kept him in during the barking due to the noise coming from their side. Well, this was a mistake as their dog saw mine and erupted - as per usual! Mine didn’t bark back at all but DD grabbed the treat tub and told him to come in for obvious reasons and neighbour’s Dad shouts “FUCKING TWATS!!!!!” over the fence. Now I have never, ever responded to ANY of it but having just endured hours upon hours of their Alsation barking and howling I snapped and said, calmly, “Your dog has been barking all day!!!” to which he shouts “Because of you! YOU’RE CAUSING IT!!!” “Every fucking day you’re in your garden” I reply “And?!” At which point he slams their door and my DD bursts into tears and call me pathetic but so did I. I’m at my wits end. This is my home. My DD’s home and this is almost certainly the last summer of my life. My only hobby is quietly (& I do mean quietly) pottering around in my garden deadheading flowers or pruning roses etc.

• I don’t ever have visitors besides my 82yr old mother (she’s my only remaining family besides DD) and what friends do bother with me, I just have catch up coffees with in Costa!
• I don’t play music in my home or my garden. If I listen to a podcast or LBC, it’s on earphones.
• My dog rarely barks and if he does, it’s only a tiny bit if he is barked at! He did once bark at an Owl ornament I bought but in his defence, it did blink at night time!!
• I do not speak on the phone in the garden as everyone around me would hear and despite this massive long post, I am quite a quiet person usually!
• DD is rarely in the garden (more’s the pity!) she prefers gaming! She used to play out front on her scooter with some kids from up the street but she’s been too frightened to, since neighbour’s Dad aggressively told her to “Piss off” once about a year ago when he’d arrived about 5 mins after neighbour had left the house and so, being 9, she told him. Who tells a 9yr old to piss off?

I have reported today’s incident to non-emergency police. However a. Officer won’t be free to talk to me until the end of next week which I’m sad about tbh. I could’ve used the advice as right now, I’m terrified to even let my dog out for a wee, let alone step into my garden.
Again, having escaped extreme DV, it’s very difficult for me to not default to flight mode. I’m still shaking and this happened 2 hours ago. Pathetic, I know. I already struggle with anxiety.

Sorry this was so long but I didn’t want to miss anything out and have to correct people or be accused of drip feeding!

There’s nothing I can do, is there?

Thanks for your eloquent reply, you're obviously a very intelligent and thoughtful lady . I wish you strength OP .

I hope everytime you go in your garden you feel us all supporting you .

It reminds me of a quote by Maya Angelou; when going into an intimidating environment.
"Bring everyone who has ever loved you, your ancestors, family members, and friends."

Thank you so much for this!
Sorry for late reply. I’ve been avoiding the garden as usual but still getting shouted at whenever I let the dog out and water my plants. Thankfully now I have a camera it’s all recorded so will be sent to the Safer Neighbourhood team on Monday along with the council’s noise team at environmental health.

Wow thank you, what a lovely post! I’ll remember that quote. Yes, the help & support I’ve received from you all on here has given me the resolve I need to ignore the shouting. It’s still my default response to flee from attack but not until the Cosmos are sufficiently drenched!
Thankfully the dog has remained largely clueless about the entire saga but that’s nothing new for him!
Thank you once again, I’ve never been called eloquent before 😚 I’ll try to update once I hear anything. Still no word from the officer who went off to speak to the supervisor of their own neighbourhood team. Hopefully won’t be too much longer. 🤞🏻

Sorry police couldn’t do more. Let’s hope the letter /email to your mp gets you more help

def enquire about long term fostering /to possibly meet a carer now for as and when the worst happens - so that you/your dd gets to know them

I know to know one day you might not be here , for your child , esp when a single parent (same) is terrifying - tho my situation is different (I have close relatives who would have my dd) so my heart go out to you

no one deserves the stress of what you are going through neighbour wise , but even more so due to your illness 💐

Oh, I'm so disappointed it's still happening! The Housing Association are failing in their duty- do you have a copy of the contract you will have signed upon taking residency? If not, I'd suggest contacting them again and asking whoever answers the phone for a copy to be provided asap (check first if there's a cost). There will be something in there about the acceptable behaviour and neighbour problems.

Just checking, OP (and hoping to lighten the thread), can you please confirm you aren't out in your garden in the nude? Watering the pansies while displaying your personal lady garden? Boobs and begonias?

Your neighbours are arses.

When it is right time to tell your daughter, tell the school as well. The Ruth Strauss Foundation do teacher training which I have found very useful when supporting a student in a similar situation.

Lets us know how you get on on Monday.

The difficulty for the HA is that they have a strict process they need to follow to show they've exhausted their due diligence before evicting a tenant who's causing such a nuisance to the neighbours. They may have to issue an initial written warning, then the next step may be to serve an eviction notice. If they issue an eviction notice they need to give the tenant a certain amount of time for notice and if the tenant doesn't leave at the end of your notice period then the HA needs to take them to court . That can take months to get a court date. It's frustrating for housing providers when they know someone is causing harm to decent tenants, but it's ultimately to protect tenants from HA being unfair/ abusive and give tenants security. So just because the HA is involved doesn't mean this will be resolved quickly sadly. Op just keep reporting everything possible as it does help them.

I don't see anything in the OP's posts where she wants, or suggests, that the neighbour should be evicted. There is the question why the neighbours Dad is living there, but the main issue - only issue really - is that the neighbour and her Dad (and the child in that house) are constantly giving the OP grief when she is in her garden.

Update

Wow I don’t know where to start….

Forgive me, I honestly can’t remember if I updated to say that I received a phone call 2 weeks ago from a man called Adam from the HA’s safer neighbourhood team? I think I put it into a quoted post rather than an actual update. Well that particular call went great, very helpful etc. Tells me he knows the guy I’m dealing with in the council’s noise abatement team and that he’ll try arrange to do a joint visit to my neighbours, along with the council guy, so that they can play my neighbours all my recordings of their dog howling etc. Sounded great!

The past two weeks have been more of the usual but no abuse shouted over the fence, thankfully.
Fast forward to this morning when my dog is having his morning wee and I’m opening the greenhouse door like I do every morning; whistling is coming from their side and some small twigs come flying over, followed by a little stone…?????? Weird. I figure it must be her little boy trying to play with my dog which is actually quite sweet but my dog was irritated by it, though he didn’t bark thankfully. As I said he doesn’t bark unless he’s pissed off or barked at.
Anyway, I was in my nightie so I hobble inside to get dressed. 15 mins later I hear voices through my patio doors “Yeah. Yeah. Hahaha. Yeah. Well we do what we can but she’s always getting her dog to bark at ours…….” (Utterly false) they then making a quiet whistle noise and call their dog and upon hearing the whistle my dog presumably thinks not again! And barks. Once. To which theirs barks madly and keeps barking. Neighbour says “Do you see what I mean?” I then hear Adam and the council guy both say “Yeah, yeah I see. Ok then….” and they walk back inside then a few mins later, they walk past my front garden.

Absolutely unbelievable. So they knew when Adam & the council guy were visiting and so were essentially winding my dog up, purposefully! Knowing that consequently, my dog would then bark when he heard that little quiet ‘whistle’ whilst the two men were there…..! I am utterly disgusted and broken now.

And to top it off, 5 mins after the men left, my neighbours began cheering and put “We are the champions” on full blast, on repeat, then went out. It’s still on now.

Yes, I’ve recorded it using the Noise App, but what’s the point? My neighbour’s actions have just twisted the narrative right round to make me and my dog look like we’re the problem! Despite all the hundreds & hundreds of recordings I’ve made of their abuse, their dog howling & barking for hours on end when they leave him alone. All for nothing.

My dog honestly, genuinely never barks unless he’s either barked at or gives one woof to mark his displeasure at something. He’s too bloody lazy to woof at everything like the neighbours’ dog does. Yet here we are being painted as the problem when all I want, all I’ve asked for is peace to enjoy my likely final summer.
Ps, I did of course try to email the council guy (apparently the HA don’t allow their staff to give out their email or phone numbers so I can’t contact Adam) and briefly explain this mornings antics with the whistling and the wider context as to why my dog barked first, but got an “out of office until 11th August” auto-response! So I can’t even defend myself directly to either of them until a week on Tuesday!!!

Btw, I never did hear back from the police officer I spoke to who was going to gather info and get back to me. Oh well!

I’m going to have to somehow, some way, find a way to move house aren’t I? I can’t live like this.

“We are the champions” is still on repeat, extra loud on the speaker in their open kitchen window, whilst they’ve gone out chuckling to themselves. So no garden sunshine for us this afternoon :(

It all sounds horrendous op. I hope you can look into moving as your neighbours are just nasty and horrible and sounds like you’ll never win here. You need peace.
It must be so stressful.

Move. Don't delay. They are feral cunts.

It is. I just can’t stop crying and I’ve got nobody to call to talk to. I tried to talk to my mum about it but she’s not really capable of any type of compassion and is thoroughly uninterested. That’s just how she is. I’m so, so fed up.

It's really shit, but deep breaths. You still have all your evidence, now including their vindictive playing of music which will show they were at it this morning.

If they have put the music on full blast, doesn't it disturb the other neighbours?

And what about the dog barking, can't other neighbours hear that?

Please do not despair.

They made a noise to attract your dog who was silent until they did that, he did ONE woof in response. That is 100% completely normal dog behaviour.

Then their dog kicked off, in an out of control volley of barking - they have shot themselves in the foot there.

And you have a ton of evidence to prove it if the HA visitor is stupid enough to not see it from the visit alone - which I actually doubt.

Pay no heed to the visitors nicey nicey language, they will keep their powder dry during the visit, they're not going to say 'oh look your dogs an out of control noisy bastard ....' to them right there and then!!

Now is the time to call 101 and report the noise nuisance, in person, while it's occurring and the operator can hear it. Continue the chat slowly, covering all the other stuff that's gone on, so the operator can hear the repeated music.

Your dog barked. His dog barked. That doesn't constitute the barrage of verbal abuse you've had from the neighbours, which you have repeatedly reported. Can you tell us if it was the neighbour, or her Dad, that was talking to the HA people?

Yes they can! I have a text from her neighbours on the other side of her saying so, but they’re elderly and really don’t want to get involved, they’re going through a rough bereavement. I haven’t spoken to the others closest as they work shifts.

How shitty of them but soooo predictable....
It maybe totally useless but call the police to deal with the music.
It's part of the pattern, intimidating and noise annoyance.
(Presumably all recorded anyway)

Save that text!

Make notes of the time it started and the time it ends.

I have said further up this thread that it isn't a Police matter, it's a Housing Association matter. However, this is targeted noise abuse and that constitutes a call to 101.

I actually did call 101 and the uninterested call handler told me to call the council’s noise team then said she had to go as they’re very busy! Then thanked me for my call and hung up…..

I’ve left a voicemail with the council’s noise team with the music audible in the background, after trying several times to get through.

Get back onto the HA and tell them you need some help. Can you go to your GP , they might be able to help a bit. Maybe a letter to the HA saying it’s affecting your mental health ? look into a move or a home swap with them ? I am not sure what to suggest here , I know others may have had better advice for you and it seems you’ve done all the right things already anyway, but nobody is on your side. You do need to move out I think. I can’t see that there is any way forwards now this has happened today. They are just goading you and it’s so unreasonable

I’ve just been informed by 101 in no uncertain terms that in North Yorkshire, any noise nuisance is dealt with solely by the council’s Regulatory Support team (Environmental Health). They wouldn’t even log it!

You can report it to the police online so you don't have to rely on a call handler's judgement. Hopefully you can attach a recording/video with sound. Report it as harassment/anti social behaviour, not noise. At least they'll be forced to deal with it rather than just hang up.

Effing Effers! I truly don't know what to suggest! Shall we all email them?
Email address: [email protected]

Hi OP , could you video your neighbours driveway to show they've gone out? Aswell as the background noise .
How easy is it for you to move? As in will the Housing association gove you a choice of somewhere else quickly. I can unfortunately see how your disgusting neighbours will just enjoy this as a game forever .