I’m feeling really sad at the moment and could do with some outside perspective. I’m 32 weeks pregnant and trying to keep stress to a minimum before my baby arrives, but I’m struggling with whether I can move past things that have happened with a close friend.
We’ve known each other a few years and talk most days but don’t see each other in person more than twice a year due to distance.
We recently went to Spain together. I’d paid for the accommodation because we’d agreed that she’d cover our lunches and dinners so I assumed it would all equal out. When it came to paying for our first meal, she told me in front of the waiter that she didn’t have any money because of unexpected bills and asked if I could pay instead. I was upset as I’d not actually budgeted really for food outside of ice cream.
I felt really awkward and ended up doing it that first time because I didn’t know what else to do. In the end I said to her outright I can’t pay for us both and she said that we’ll have to get our own then, which we did but she only wanted to go to cheap places then.
She was loudly sexting her new boyfriend while we were sharing the holiday flat, which I found so awkward and told her. She was doing it with the door open so it was so obvious it was for attention.
The thing that’s really stayed with me though is that she told me showed him my baby’s scan picture without asking me first, and then told me they’d laughed and said my daughter looked like she had Down syndrome and looked like an alien. I know people can make silly jokes, but I honestly can’t stop thinking about it. It feels like such a breach of trust, and as her mum I feel incredibly protective of her. I also work with children who are disabled so found the whole Down syndrome thing being used as an insult awful. I’ve also had a high risk terrible pregnancy with multiple admissions so it just seemed extra cruel. Even if they thought that, why tell me? Why share my scan?
We also ended up talking quite a lot about her worries that she’s infertile, despite her saying her periods are normal, her tests have all come back clear and she and her boyfriend aren’t actually trying for a baby and she’s never even had unprotected sex before in her life?? These conversations were 90% of our chats.
I listened because I wanted to support her and tried to when she told me she was thinking of moving abroad with her boyfriend of six months, I gently said I thought it was a good idea to be cautious and have a backup plan as she currently has no savings and is obviously struggling for money. I grinned and beared it for 4 days.
To make things worse, on the way home she let slip she only had “£900” left over for the month which is a lot more than I have (after not paying for me at all as promised). I did send her a message highlighting everything when we got off the plane, felt like I’d explode if I did it in person. Shes been ringing me to apologise, leaving me voice notes and begging me to talk to her. Shes said it’s because she’s worried she’s infertile and she’s sorry, then she’s left me other ones saying I dismissed her relationship so we are even? She also said she’ll send me the money which hasn’t materialised yet. I don’t think I am being unreasonable cutting her off but our other friends have said I am.