Are you a mum of grown up boys?

[meringuenests]

Do your sons' partners laugh at you being indulgent towards them?
mine occasionally chuckle at me being CLASSIC boys mum 😀

This - I have two sons and love them dearly. I’m Greek and hate all that overbearing mother nonsense so no - I definitely don’t do this.

I would hope no one laughs at the way I parent.

No. My adult son is currently single but his last girlfriend thanked me for teaching him how to cook.

My MIL is a classic boy Mum. At a recent family get together DH, our kids and I had cooked one meal, his oldest brother and family had cooked another meal, his sister helped out both families- she has young kids so her DH was looking after them and his other two brothers and their families did sweet FA.
MIL gave a little speech saying what amazing chefs her boys were, meanwhile all the DIL’s and SIL rolled our eyes because the reality is they can’t cook at all!

And to whoever said it FIL is a classic girl Dad, his little princess can do no wrong and her DH is railroaded into doing whatever he thinks is best even in his own home.

I only have girls and most of my friends also only have girls.

However, one friend has one of each and she seriously over indulges her boy (22). Recently did all his washing, ironing and packing for a lads holiday ... went and got his euros and sorted out his travel insurance. Did all the paperwork and running about for his uni course, was seriously put out when they refused to reply to her emails and phone calls, saying he should be contacting them.

He doesn't lift a finger. The daughter is expected to muck in with chores etc.

It is a recognised thing. Everyone knows what you mean, they are just a stroppy bunch trying to trip you up, it’s called bullying.

I grew up hearing my mother saying “because he’s a boy…” every time my sister and I asked why we had to stay in to do housework, cook dinner, wash up etc while our brother was allowed to go off and do as he pleased. When I had 2 sons I was adamant that wasn’t happening in my house. And it didn’t.

My adult sons are as capable as their partners as it should be.

I have never heard of this.

I would be mortified if someone laughed at my parenting.

Do you regularly have people laughing at you?

My DS (22) doesn’t have a gf, but I don’t fuss over him like that. He lives at home atm and I ask him to do stuff around the house (I do have to prompt him sometimes even though he’s lived at uni for 3 years). I do sometimes do nice things for him like make him a smoothie if I’m having one (he likes them, DD doesn’t), I’ll also help him out if said and make suggestions revise post/uni job hunt. If I

She does ask her DIL they are more than happy to have the help.

my mum doesn’t treat us differently. She shares who time and efforts equally

It is our culture and we embrace it and love it. We are all high flyers and all very very close. So truthfully she hasn’t put a foot wrong

No, I don’t know what a “classic boys mum” is either. Genuinely I don’t.

Does it mean someone who has raised a pathetic mummy’s boy? If so, no, my DS absolutely isn’t like that so his DP would never have reason to accuse me of it.

I would be pretty mortified in your shoes.

Sounds like a load of stereotyping bullshit to me.

Oh I thought this was actually lovely. She says the DIL love it. And all she’s doing is dropping supplies at their front door and buying the kids toys to keep at her house. When I was reading it I thought she was going to say dm doesn’t do anything for her, but that wasn’t the case. Don’t you treat all children a bit differently because they are different? They have different preferences. I would love a dm or dmil who cared this much but still didn’t really over step boundaries (eg leaving things at the door).

op it’s absolutely a recognised thing. My ds are still young so I can’t say really, I imagine I will over indulge them in a lot of ways. I disagree that it means they’ll be useless though, someone caring for you doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate it or can’t do things for yourself. I’ll do the same for my DDs and sil and dils too though. My dc all learned to ‘contribute’ to the house since they were about 18m, but it’s still nice to indulge them.

Huh? Where dyou get that idea from?

It’s in the OP. She says her DIL regularly laughs at her parenting of her DS. I would feel quite embarrassed:ashamed.

You asked me if I get regularly laughed at. Why?

No, I didn’t, I think you are confusing me with someone else?

You’re right, that’s me reading on a crowded bus on a hot day, getting things wrong! Sorry!

But they are being treated differently just because of their sex not because of different personalities, needs etc.

My three adult sons are fully functioning independent adults and I certainly don't over indulge them. They can cook, clean, do anything they need to do. No way were DH and I rearing three mummy's boys who rely on a woman for everything. Admittedly DS1 does always call me when he's unwell because he gets a bit needy if he's sick, but his lovely girlfriend doesn't laugh at me ever as far as I know.

hi all
I left the thread as it was being misinterpreted, maybe on purpose?

Maybe I posted wrongly I dunno. I have fully functioning sons with jobs and partners they adore.

Sorry if you all enjoyed hating me.

I think your thread didn't land well, because while it's a joke in your family that you obviously enjoy, the 'boy mum' thing is actually pretty harmful to women who have sons.
'Classic boy mum' is used as a stick to beat us with. To hold us responsible for the bad behaviour of men, and to relegate us in our older years to pushy, interfering, demanding nuisances who are jealous of our daughters in law.
Any division of women based on the sex of our children is both ridiculous (we don't have a personality change on giving birth to a boy) and sets up a world of problems for our futures.
Its nearly always the mother in law (boy mum) who is overstepping, while the mother (girl mum) is helping. Which given 75% of mums are boy mums seems a bit self sabotaging.

Sorry the thread hasn’t gone well. I think your ‘classic boy mum’ phrase has diverted the fact that you were being mocked. That’s not nice and can be hurtful.

You’re getting a hard time of it. I can think of four friends married to men where the mil only had boys and the mil has gone on a journey of discovery noticing her sons can now clean, cook, take their fair share of housework and childcare and are generally competent around the house well into their 40s. These were skills learned after leaving home.

I have never noticed someone surprised that their daughter did these things.

I suspect it means OP does all their laundry, pampers them, didnt expect them to cook when at home one night a week, they can do absolutely no wrong and are princes. 🙄 and would expect any DIL to treat them as a king……. gross….
We’ve all met men like this, and a lot of us have dumped them! Others are the men often complained about and told to LTB

I do not expect anyone to do laundry or other 'female' tasks. Its just general affection and indulgence.

Christ no to letting the boys off stuff! My DIl chuckles at my excited cooking when they come to stay and making everything nice. I must ask her what she finds funny about it

its not DOING stuff really, its just soppiness I think

ALL OF THEM COOK AND CLEAN AND LAUNDER