Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Is it normal for a parent to be more proud of one (adult) child?

52 replies

Changedforthis2025 · 12/07/2026 09:35

I am an only child and I have an only child so I am unsure if this is normal. DH doesn't have a great relationship with his mother, mainly because he has always felt that she massively favours his younger brother. She subs his wages, takes him on holiday, generally sorts out his finances as he has got himself into dire straits in the past. It isn't even just about money - he is clearly the favourite based on the amount of time and help she gives him.

Anyway, DD went out for lunch with her the other week and MIL actually said to DD that she is proud of DD, she is proud of DH but she is extra proud of BIL because he is dyslexic so he faced difficulties in school. I just can't fathom thinking and saying that. But maybe everyone with more than one child feels that way? Maybe it is usual to be more proud of one child than another?

For context, DH is extremely independent, we don't ask MIL for anything. She knows we have very different political and social viewpoints to her so conversation is superficial. I just feel so sorry for DH that he has worked so hard but it will never be hard enough for her.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 13/07/2026 11:14

SuddenLightbulb · 13/07/2026 10:06

I think it comes down to the parents’ worldview and preferences. My mother wanted her daughters to leave school early, stay local, get a little shop job, marry young, be a SAHM to at least three children and to be continually dropping in and out during the day and chatting about their weight, local radio and the neighbours. Instead she got three academic high achievers, two of whom are unmarried and childfree by choice, who have lived all over the world, have a lot of degrees and jobs they are interested in, good friends, good partners, and decent lives. We’re more interesting than the daughters she wanted but she’s terribly disappointed in us.

So whoever seems to her least happy at any one point is her favourite child — whoever has gone for a job they didn’t get, or a house that’s not selling, or is ill. It makes her feel needed.

I agree with this!

My achievements can't impress my dm because she seems to find it faintly embarrassing that I'm not "staying in my lane" every time I get a promotion or publish my research. Db is allowed to succeed without it being embarrassing.

She is proud of my dc doing well at school, but likes to tell people it's because they "inherited their uncle's intelligence"!

I think you have to laugh, really, and not allow your self-worth to depend on others!

Original poster
Changedforthis2025 · 13/07/2026 21:13

TheSmallAssassin · 12/07/2026 21:18

You can't know the struggles someone else is having though and just because your husband and his sister have been able to find strategies, it doesn't mean that their brother can in the same way.

You say that their mum has never celebrated their achievements, but in your very first post you said she was proud of both of them..

Show quote history

She's never actually told him that, and she certainly doesn't act like it. This is only what she has told DD.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread