Rich friend pretending to be poor

[iThinkYouAreWonderful]

My friend pretends to be poor when she is in fact quite wealthy. She pretends in very little, subtle ways. She talks about the all the things she can't afford, to distract from all the things she can. She has a similar level of income to me, but keeps going on and on about my "expensive house", as if its something she can't afford (her house is a similar size, just slightly less done-up). My guess is that it makes her feel like one of the people, but it drives me up the wall. How can I stop being irritated by her and just let her "do her"?

I wouldn't not be able to call her out each and every single time. I'm sorry but that's very cringeworthy behaviour!

Maybe she hasn't got as much spare money because she's paying debts 🤷

What is she claiming she can't afford that you think she can?

Lots of people do this

We seem to be in a phase where you have to be ashamed if you've got money

Maybe it depends who you mix with

it does seem odd to do it in front of somebody who won't see her negatively for having some money though.

We have a friend that does this. Has just moved house and taken ikea shelves and a curtain pole with her and left holes in the walks! They can easily afford new shelves and a curtain pole. They have lots of money for going out and holidays. It’s just ridiculous to claim they cannot afford new items. It’s a new trend of being super humble and trying to say you don’t have money when you do!

People openly say rich people are evil, “Eat the rich” etc. It’s almost shameful.
Perhaps she just doesn’t want you to hold it against her?

My mother does this

In her case it's genuine narcissism

She refuses to part with a penny (unless she's spending on herself)

I've seen her bank statements (by mistake-i wouldn't go snooping) and she's far from skint,but acts like she's earning 50p a week and cant afford basics,let alone luxuries

She often gets my father to pay her way (and gets him to pay for my golden child brothers) while she socks away huge amounts of money for herself (married 54 years and have always had separate accounts and she knows where every penny of my fathers money is but refuses to let him know what shes got-he just puts up with it)

Even on her grandkids she refuses to spend more than a few quid-she'd rather buy a cheap fake than spend a few quid extra on the real McCoy

When she's called out on it,(not by me,i went nc years ago) there are tears and 'i don't earn much,im poor'

It's not a nice way to live

.

Unless you see peoples bank statements or they give very specific information then you don’t really know. Then there is always the fact that people do not want people to know because as soon as they know they may want some of it.

How do you know she’s rich?

A colleague has more than £5m in property with a huge income from it and puts 50p in the Christmas collection for admin. Awful.

I have friends who plead poverty when the opposite is true. Doesn’t bother me I find it funny!

What makes you think you know her complete financial position, OP? You may have a pretty good idea of her income, but that’s only one side of the equation. Her fixed monthly outgoings may be much higher than yours for reasons you’re not aware of.

Hmmmm, I will quite often say I can’t afford something, what I really mean is it’s not in my budget for the month and I don’t think it’s worth going into savings for.
Comments about your house are weird though, unless you’re complaining to her about having no savings or being able to afford something specific?

Looking poor is the fashion these days. Not actually being poor, but cos playing as someone who struggles.

I've got a friend who pleads poverty all the time.

She owns three houses and earns £150k a year.

She also talks about her working class upbringing when she grew up in a big house.

I think it's all just guilt or she's trying to convince herself, maybe because she's quite a left wing activist, but I find it funny. I usually genuinely sympathise at the time and then get annoyed when I think back to it, and then find it all amusing.

Don't you feel embarrassed about being so disingenuous? I feel embarrassed for you.

My SIL please poverty - they're nowhere near... they both earn £70k+ each and bonuses. Theutjust spends all their money on expensive gyms, cars, holidays etc so has not much left for some things that seem affordable. So she'll say "sorry, can't do brunch, we're skint this week. Had to spend £800 on tyres for the Audi" etc.

I haven’t told a good friend that I live in a huge house with a pool

im embarrassed, I spent my life counting pennies and struggling to make ends meet with shit loads of debt
I don’t want her to think I’m any different, because I’m still that person

A cheery ‘Of course you can, darling. You’re just choosing to prioritise your money elsewhere, and that’s absolutely fine’, might shut her up. When my DD became a vegetarian she’d always say, ‘I can’t eat that. It has meat in it’, and I’d always reply, ‘Of course you can, darling, you’re just choosing not to, and that’s absolutely fine’ (in case you’re worried, I’m a great vegetarian’s mum and was a veggie myself for four years, so I get it).

Fortunately I don’t embarrass easily! I don’t think I am being disingenuous, I’m being polite because the alternative is often me saying “that’s not worth spending money on IMO” which might upset someone who thinks it is worth spending money on - with my close friends I can absolutely say “fuck no, I can’t think of anything worse than an abseiling weekend/bongo’s bingo/seeing a Norwegian Throat Singing concert so I won’t spend money on it” but with people who know me less well “can’t afford it” seems more socially acceptable.

It’s more that they can afford it but want to spend the money on something else and/or are just tight. People don’t like acknowledging they are tight bough!

Do you know her financial situation though? Could she have big debts / obligations like car finance or school fees ?

I try not to tell people I've got no mortgage as it has caused serious green eye monster to appear. That turned into a very sorry tale of her going everywhere with me whether I wanted it or not and her coming to collect me when we were off anywhere. It ended with her stood outside my house all weekend waiting for me to open the curtains.

I understand. Couldn't you just say 'I don't fancy that'?

She wants to live like common people…