Why won't my parents use a taxi?

[Birthdayfeel]

Both have become old and frail with limited mobility almost overnight, after being very sprightly well into their 80s.

Getting them to arrange the help they need in all areas is challenging, but this one is a mystery to me.

Mum is more capable than Dad and has always been someone who likes to be busy. Dad is happier just to sit.

They have always been careful with money, but are very well off.

The main things Mum wants to go to are the library, Supermarket and the Community Centre, all within 10mins walk when they were able.

I'm genuinely happy to drive them when I can, but when I can't they just don't go. Taxis are plentful here and they can easily afford the cost of the short trips, but they won't, despite Mum being very disappointed when she can't go to these things. It leaves me feeling rubbish for saying no, I need to work (albeit frrom home).

You're right about taxi tariffs. The problem we have in our area is lack of availability. So the "taxi" is actually a privately hired car and driver, which have no cap on their charges.

That's very irritating...I think I would just refuse and book a taxi for them! Fortunately my parents (80ish) are happy to use taxis for things like that, and will always get a taxi to the airport - they live a couple of hours from Heathrow. It's reached the stage where they'll get a taxi up there the night before to stay in a hotel for any flight before early afternoon😂

Although they do also have their foibles. They still run 2 cars, but it seems to me that the only time that both are used at the same time is when one car is going for a service and they take both cars so they can drop one off and then go on for lunch. They completely understand it doesn't make economic sense to have two cars, but they like the (illusion) of freedom that it gives, and it's their money so I leave them to it 😊

I also won't use taxis for many reasons:

I struggle to get in and out of back seats due to hip and knee problems . I have actually been stuck once and my DD struggled to help me out. Too many taxi owners don't like you sitting up front (and I hate the proximity too).

It is too expensive/frivolous to use just for a haircut or library, but I would use it for a hospital appointment. It is a valid use of a limited fund. It's not as though I can work overtime to replace those funds.

I'm hard of hearing, plus I have always struggled with strong accents, so I'm easily confused if they start asking questions especially when they ask for bloody directions! About 1 in 5 ask which way to go.

Most refuse to take cash or card. I worry that they haven't stopped whatever they need to do to register the journey is over so my (actually it is DDs) account is debited fairly. How would I dispute that??

Most taxi firms have a minimum spend so shortish journeys, such as to the hairdresser, cannot be achieved.

I feel vulnerable as I have no control, and too many speed or brake violently or not give way at junctions so I'm thrown about. As someone who is in permanent pain it makes it a very uncomfortable journey.

I don't like being in a small area with an unknown male. Never have even as a fit young adult.

The older I get and the more disabled (due to worsening joints) the more vulnerable and scared I have become. It's been a surprising "journey" of self discovery that I've not been emotionally or mentally prepared for and I hope it never happens to others.

I agree about lack of consistency, and differing requirements for licencing. There is somewhere in the midlands where a lot of taxis/minicabs are licensed by people who do not work in the area, because standards are so lax.

In our small town their is a community-run service where locals volunteer to do small tasks for those who are unable, and they also offer free lifts to medical appointments, to the shops etc. Maybe there is something like that in their area.

I still drive but have found short distances in a taxi a big problem. They don’t want to know. Uber will not turn up if they get a better offer. Most taxis do the school run which means proper taxis are unavailable at those times. I dislike taxi drivers knowing I will be away if I book an airport run. Many random taxis and their drivers don’t know about deodorants. They eat their fish and chips and leave their wrappings in the car. I have had to take taxis many times since I gave up my car and DH was still needing his. I always sit in the front as I have knee problems. Where I live in the city centre many many taxi drivers have said I didn’t know this place existed.

There's a massive gap in the market here for an over 70s taxi firm or for female drivers to get into this. Maybe someone with an ex-carer background but is looking for a way out of that job. Advertise to do hospital runs etc.

Within the law, obviously.

Yeah, you see that around Manchester. Lots registered with another council, not Manchester. The same council.

These firms exist. They advertise in hospital outpatients. One in my area is called Driving Miss Daisy.

Book an uber for them next time and say ‘of course you can go, I’ve arranged a taxi to come at 11am and it knows exactly where to take you. Enjoy your lunch’.

Let them get used to it and try and come up with reasons not to get in the car that’s waiting for them!

As for the money side, pay for the 1st one then let them know the cost after subsequent journeys.

Not exactly the same, but my female friend is a semi-retired nurse. She is part of a volunteer scheme in her area and often drives people to appointments, hair, shops etc.

Well they will, when OP asks for the money back. You're not suggesting that OP pays for it every time?

Wolverhampton?

My grandparents are the same, both 93. My grandma won’t get in a taxi because she physically struggles to get into the car , she can walk around slowly but getting in and out a car is more tricky and I think shes embarrassed trying to do that for a taxi driver as it takes her so long

I don’t think it’s necessarily the luxury mindset, more the waiting around for one to turn up when you’re desperate for a wee and a cuppa! If you don’t know how long you’re going to be it’s a case of hoping when you do eventually know when you want to leave that there will be a taxi available when you phone up. Also if you go shopping they might not pull up onto the drive, help with bags etc. then do you tip or not etc etc! Once they get to know local drivers and get into a routine they will be fine with it. As someone pointed out, it’s easy being younger and dismissing the fears of oldies!

I feel like saying that to dad and MiL.
That they may as well spend it, as it could very easily go on care fees. Those costs , week in week out will dwarf the cost of a taxi .

Not all mumsnetters are in the first flush of youth, and many of us in our 60's & older will have already had long-term experience of having to look after our own parents and other relatives, so no arse-biting required, thanks very much.

You are quite silly for taking them. While they are still mobile it is good for them to learn to use a taxi.

"Some children actually want to help their parents"

Yes indeed they do, but sometimes they have - you know - full-time jobs and stuff. So no, they can't be available to take their parent to the opticians at 10.20 on a Tuesday morning, or back and forth to the doctors / chemists / hospital appointment several times a week, every week, during the working day, or at school pick-up time or whatever.

Agree it's a generational thing. Taxis just weren't a thing except in an extreme emergency. Today we've gone the other way and even people who aren't well off use uber. Also see food delivery apps.

My parents have this attitude. They are mobile so don't rely on me, but I have encouraged them to get taxis if needed to make their lives easier. They have been on a few flights and a cruise, and took their large suitcases on several buses to get to the airport/port. The trips cost thousands, the taxi would have been an extra £50.

After the Sarah Everard case and others I suddenly realised how vulnerable a woman locked in the back of a car might be, not able to escape and taken to any remote location the driver chooses. I know it’s irrational but I only use the taxi firm in my village now.

I feel your pain OP! My parents (when they were around) were exactly the same in spite of having the money. MIL is also the same. They could all easily afford it, we even reasoned with them that they had sold their car so use the money from that for a taxi. I just had to push back and say “sorry I’m working” and if they missed out it’s kind of on them.

I was thinking Sefton but now you've said that, I do see Wolverhampton as well.

& the exorbitant cost of keeping a taxi on the road, all kinds of expenses people don't know/think about.

Oh that’s a shame. I know lots of CTs and charities really struggle to recruit volunteers, I work at a CT and we’re fortunate to have a mix of paid staff and vols, but some don’t receive any funding from local authority and it is a constant uphill battle to get funding. It’s exhausting but is such an amazing service for people. I hope they find some volunteers soon 🤞