Why won't my parents use a taxi?

[Birthdayfeel]

Both have become old and frail with limited mobility almost overnight, after being very sprightly well into their 80s.

Getting them to arrange the help they need in all areas is challenging, but this one is a mystery to me.

Mum is more capable than Dad and has always been someone who likes to be busy. Dad is happier just to sit.

They have always been careful with money, but are very well off.

The main things Mum wants to go to are the library, Supermarket and the Community Centre, all within 10mins walk when they were able.

I'm genuinely happy to drive them when I can, but when I can't they just don't go. Taxis are plentful here and they can easily afford the cost of the short trips, but they won't, despite Mum being very disappointed when she can't go to these things. It leaves me feeling rubbish for saying no, I need to work (albeit frrom home).

I hate taking taxis. I resent the cost, plus it's the enforced close proximity with a stranger who (albeit for a short time) has such power over my safety.

Goodness me.

I'm surprised you dare leave the house, or come down the stairs......

I don't have a car, have great municipal transport here but sometimes need an Uber or a taxi.....

Uber - fabulous woman driver.

Taxi - fabulous chatty, friendly kind safe driver from Somalia, spoke my local language.

I think a lot depends just how important it is to them to get out.
When mum had to give up her car we got a mobility scooter. She hated being stuck at home, I actually thought she wouldn't use it but after a few weeks she was whizzing all over in it. Church, shops, hairdressers all within a few minutes walk or ride.
Do they have any friends in similar circumstances? Sometimes peer pressure works just as well for old folks as young.

Same thing with my parents (in their mid to late 70s). Dad thinks they’re too expensive and Mum is nervous of unknown male drivers.

I expect they’re like my DM was. After she gave up her car at 80, having become nervous in traffic, we kept telling her how many taxis she could take with all the money she’d be saving in petrol, tax, servicing, MOTs, never mind the sale price of the car, which was not very old and in good condition.

But would she ever? Not once. Because in her head, having been hard up for many years when younger, taxis were still a huge extravagance, so only for the direst of dire emergencies.

My Mum gave up driving at 80 and then relied on the bus to get her into town for her almost daily trips to M&S. She would get a taxi home and struck up a great friendship with her regular taxi driver, who was so kind to her. We found his number in her pocket diary and invited him to her funeral.

If a person doesn't understand that the occasional taxi ride is going to come to way less than the cost of owning and running a car, then their loved ones need to be very concerned about their cognitive decline imo.

Or maybe they don’t feel able to articulate it to you because you’re a bit sarky?! No one here is going to be able to tell you so why bother posting?

I've only read the OP's posts so sorry if this has been asked: will the taxis even take them? My elderly neighbour here in Melbourne cannot get a short taxi journey; the drivers just refuse them. She has no access problems, she's just not profitable.

My dad was the same but recently has gotten over it. He would be horrified if a neighbour or family member got a taxi to the airport about 35 minutes away because that means they have no one to give them a lift. He couldn't understand why we had to get a taxi, did we have no friends, neighbours?

I know I was deeply shocked when my mum told me in passing that my elderly aunt was taking two buses each way to see her husband my uncle in hospital. Mum was deeply shocked that I screeched she should have taken a taxi.

I did see a slightly different view having thought about the fact that I wouldn’t get into a strangers car, hitch hike etc. But I’ll take a taxi without thinking twice. I think it was after the grooming scandals broke that I realised taxi driving really is the perfect job for someone who wants access to vulnerable people. Men liable to sexual assault used to be known as ‘not safe in taxis’, of course that was about fellow passengers not drivers, but it still acknowledges the fact that you are getting into a private space you can’t immediately get out of with a bloke you don’t know.

Mobility scooter. Anything to stay independant.

Im an older person and dislike getting a taxi, its not a financial problem, i just dont like getting in a strange car with a strange person and making small talk, i feel vunerable if im alone.

It just shows doesn't it that the time rich can't understand the time poor.

I'm a secondary school teacher and I couldn't do this in term time even if I wanted to.

And I wouldn't want to be beholden for massive favours anyway!

This is definitely a factor sometimes, although where I live on the edge of a big city I had no problem making a regular arrangement for a £5 or £6 taxi to meet a specific train. I used a local company and I think they let me down once in two years. If it's regular business they're much more likely to take you.

Do you people on this thread who dislike taxis ask relatives etc for lifts?

I very rarely ask for lifts, i would use public transport or walk if poss.

Rather than Uber, contact your local taxi company, mine is always whizzing about; mostly elderly ppl, if they had a car they could still budget car running costs but it becomes a taxi fund.
I don’t think it’s necessarily about money but more the expectation their daughter should run herself ragged.

@Greenand £30/40 for 3 miles?? I’m in Scotland and taxi tariffs are set by the local council , I’m sure it’s the same in England?
Im finding that cost hard to believe.

For hospital/GP appts for people with mobility and other limiting conditions patient transport can be arranged from local ambulance service, phone numbers available from GP.

My parents have had to use taxis on days when they have no choice but to spend a full day in hospital (going there for 8.30, returning between 4 and 5). This has become something that's once a month or more regular.

They have a local firm that have been very kind and efficient for around 90 percent of the time, and now like to book those drivers. The 2 hospitals they use, though, have contracts with a company like Uber (though not Uber) and it is technically more efficient to reserve one using the phone at the desk because it is never certain when they will be free to go and feeling ok.

These firms have rattled them more - several have not known where they were going despite sat navs and directions (and the fact they live 2 minutes from one of the most prominent transport hubs in the area, where people would get a lot of taxis...) One or 2, who seem to be quite local drivers, so do know where they are going, but at the end have charged a lot more than their normal fare they'd get with their taxi firm. Some of the cars have smelt strongly of smoke and so on, which is not good after the hospital experience. And although they could use an account or credit card for their usual taxis, having cash to the value of the normal fare for what they are expecting, is something that worries them whether in the car or with risks just of losing it somehow during the day - not that likely, but possible.

I don't know if anyone else has touched on this and it also depends on the area you live in but many taxis are driven by people not born in the UK - choosing words here - and are recent migrants to the Uk. Older people may worry about communication. I'm not saying they are racist - language issues can be a real thing.
Other issues could be health wise - anxiety, irritable bowel or incontinence. All of these are made worse by being in a taxi situation ie lack of control. What do I do if I need the toilet eg. Just a couple of suggestions.

I think an older person's world gets a little smaller as they advance.

Small things to us, become large obstacles to them.

It may be anxiety that a routine changes.

For you though - you need to establish boundaries. It only gets worse. They will not be interested that you need to go to work/have a life without them, as they will be thinking of themselves only.

Do they have a fall alert alarm (like a wristband)?
Some community groups offer lifts to activities - you could look into these for them?

It is so difficult OP. You may start to feel guilty whether you do things for them or don't do things for them. It's tough. 💐

Uber is terrifying for many not just the elderly. Best to find a local black cab or reputable company perhaps with female drivers. Enough use may mean they get familiar with the drivers and relaxed. Even better if no payment need change hands and they can have an account paid monthly or whatever. Far less hassle and stress.

PIL were like this. FIL almost collapsed in the street walking home from a hospital appointment. When he died it came to light they were millionaires. I think they wanted that money for us and the GC. after they were gone (we don’t need it, twenty years ago we did). Well it’s now going on care fees at over £5k a month and unless MIL lives to 110, on IHT too.
I will never understand.

My elderly Mum struggled with taxis. Firstly she could never get one between 8-9.30am which dented her confidence when trying to book one. Secondly, she struggled with the seat belts which stressed her out. Worst of all, they often sent a sort of mini van and she couldn’t open or pull shut) the heavy sliding door and she found it hard getting in and out.

I’m in my 40s, have never driven due to epilepsy which unfortunately has never been fully controlled by medication. So while I grew up in a small country town, I moved to a large town with good transport links as soon as I could.
As well as getting buses, I’ve used taxis regularly since my early 20s.
I literally had 2 times I felt unsafe, over 15 years ago, out of the 100s of taxis I’ve taken - the first time was at night when I was a bit drunk & the driver made inappropriate comments, so I got out of the taxi early; the second was with a rather creepy older driver who made sexist remarks - which I did shut down very quickly.
I find that the vast majority of drivers are pleasant and helpful, & often will carry any shopping to the door without being asked.
One driver recently said that a customer had a go at him for not physically assisting him out of the taxi - basically the driver explained he was not insured to do so.
He said that if a customer requires any physical assistance then you can speak to a taxi company to request this.
My friend’s Mum actually uses a special wheelchair taxi company whereby the driver pushes her into the taxi and out the other end to her appointment.
When you book a taxi you should agree a price at that time then you won’t get ripped off. No one anywhere should be paying £30 for 3 miles lol!!
Also it can help to know the route you wish to take and to tell the driver this.
I do see a lot of elderly people getting taxis locally so it is quite normal for them too.