Why won't my parents use a taxi?

[Birthdayfeel]

Both have become old and frail with limited mobility almost overnight, after being very sprightly well into their 80s.

Getting them to arrange the help they need in all areas is challenging, but this one is a mystery to me.

Mum is more capable than Dad and has always been someone who likes to be busy. Dad is happier just to sit.

They have always been careful with money, but are very well off.

The main things Mum wants to go to are the library, Supermarket and the Community Centre, all within 10mins walk when they were able.

I'm genuinely happy to drive them when I can, but when I can't they just don't go. Taxis are plentful here and they can easily afford the cost of the short trips, but they won't, despite Mum being very disappointed when she can't go to these things. It leaves me feeling rubbish for saying no, I need to work (albeit frrom home).

I wonder if one or other of them has had a bad experience in a taxi, or people such as John Worboys have scared them.

You need to have a conversation with them.

Do they still actually have cars? Because I think that must be quite a tough mindset switch. My mum (born in the early 1930s), used cabs all the time but she was widowed in her 50s, could never drive and none of her kids were local. She used a local firm and got to know the drivers. If you have similar, maybe keep booking them for your parents than Ubers.

Wish I knew the answer, MIL would rather stand in the pissing rain at the bus stop when she had several hundred thousand in the bank.

"Oh no, taxi's aren't for me" ffs

(Just think though, we're going to be perfect elderly relatives for our kids when the time comes as no way I'll rely on family if there are alternatives!)

Post war frugality has stuck firmly. It's incredibly difficult to break lifetime frugal habits.

Setting up an uber account for them and booking the first ride might help. My dad had to stop driving last year and my parents initially scoffed at the idea of getting taxis - then my brother booked them a uber one day when he was running late and couldn't give them a lift somewhere, and now they uber everywhere.

Did either of them used to drive/recently own cars?

My mother used to be slightly younger/still driving compared to a lot of her friends so she somehow became their designated driver.

We set her up an account with the local taxi firm (in a small town so she typically had the same 2 or 3 drivers) and it was so much cheaper than insuring and running/repairing a car. Admittedly this was a decade ago, but I can’t imagine that insurance costs haven’t rocketed since.

You’re not wrong. All the things that annoyed my DH about his own dad are coming home to roost - he’s literally morphing into him before my very eyes.

Did they have a car previously? We costed out for my dad how much he spent in driving in a car (fuel, mot, tax, depreciation) and how many 10 min taxi rides that would get him. It helped a little for him to see that he'd likely still be saving money compared to driving.

Does their local area have a community hopper bus or volunteer drivers? Our area have the hopper bus, free if a pensioner, but it needs to be booked in advance by at least a week. I 'think' the voluntary driver scheme is more for hospital appointments but some do use it for shopping.

Check their local council, age UK or ask on nextdoor.com.

Can you set up an account at a local taxi firm? An elderly friend of mine recently surrendered his driving licence...he says he feels like he has an at hand chauffeur and settles the bill monthly.

Ask them. In my job I often solve what seem like big issues like this for families - by asking them in a nonjudgmental curious empathic manner, sometimes it’s something very fixable!

OMG. I never thought of asking them 🤣 If they know why, they can't articulate it.

Can you or another relative ride with them a few times in the taxi or uber. It might make them feel more like taking one in the future and being confident about it

I hate taking taxis. I resent the cost, plus it's the enforced close proximity with a stranger who (albeit for a short time) has such power over my safety. At least tipping is becoming less of an issue with pre-booking - I used to worry the whole journey about how much to tip. And the drivers do seem more focused on the job and less chatty nowadays, which I also despised.

Post war frugality has stuck firmly. It's incredibly difficult to break lifetime frugal habits.

Yet many elderly people who are far from frugal in other areas won’t get taxis.

When my mum got rid of her car, I helped her calculate the yearly running costs she was saving and she saw that as her taxi budget and used them frequently (but still never spent anyway near the cost of the car).

Oh, I do agree with you @ERthree. I'm old and frail and I won't use taxis.

the reason is simple. I don't know what type of car will turn up, so I don't know how easy/difficult I might find it to get in and out of. Black cab types cars are a big no no because the step up is just too difficult for me to manage.

my adult child recently bought a new(to them) car. I contributed because I benefit from them having a car. They specifically chose one they'd previously seen me get in and out of relatively easily (well, with a bit of help 😁)

its amazing how often on here you see "why does my family member do this?" and the poster hasn't actually asked.

My husband's had similar conversations with his parents. FIL can no longer drive and they can't get to a bus stop because they live at the top of a very steep hill. They think it's ridiculous to pay a few pounds to get to nearby places like the doctor when they used to be able to drive there for a fraction of the cost.

My grandmother happily used taxis to get wherever she wanted to go, so I don't think it's a generational thing. And she had far less money than my in-laws. I suppose they can't see how taxis could enhance their quality life, so don't think it's good value.

Is there a person whose opinion they value who could point out the unfairness of taking the cost and stress of getting a taxi and putting it onto you?

Ask them? But we’ve had the same with FIL, dead set against using taxis, practically housebound as a result, but can’t articulate why. Partly I think it’s just out of his realm of experience. He’s never just ‘jumped in a taxi’ in his entire life - he walked, used buses, had his own car - and taxis were only for very special events. The idea of calling a taxi just to go to M&S is just mind boggling to him. We set him up with an account, took him on a practice trip etc but he’s never used it since 🤷‍♀️

@Birthdayfeel Tell them you will start to charge like taxis so that it won't make a financial difference to call a taxi instead of you.

You can actually tell the taxi company what kind of car you'll need for your disability. That way your child can have some freedom. I don't drive but wouldn't dream of having my children chauffeur me around. They have got their lives to live.

My Mum is the same OP.

She was always a single parent, and couldn't drive, so we went everywhere on public transport. We were very poor, so taxis were an unimaginable luxury.

She's in her mid 80s now, with poor mobility, and she gets attendance allowance, so she has plenty of money. She'll use a taxi for hospital appointments if I'm not around, but she can't bring herself to use a taxi for "treats", like trips to see friends, into town, library etc.

I think the idea that taxis are "not for people like us" is too deeply ingrained for her to overcome it.

Nobody knows how it will feel to be anybody. Everyone is different.

Maybe you will realise not everybody is the same at some point and it will come and bite you on your arse one day.

My elderly mother is the same with taxis. She’s open about the reason though - she doesn’t feel safe getting into a car with a stranger man driving. She’s vulnerable and I understand it.