Why won't my parents use a taxi?

[Birthdayfeel]

Both have become old and frail with limited mobility almost overnight, after being very sprightly well into their 80s.

Getting them to arrange the help they need in all areas is challenging, but this one is a mystery to me.

Mum is more capable than Dad and has always been someone who likes to be busy. Dad is happier just to sit.

They have always been careful with money, but are very well off.

The main things Mum wants to go to are the library, Supermarket and the Community Centre, all within 10mins walk when they were able.

I'm genuinely happy to drive them when I can, but when I can't they just don't go. Taxis are plentful here and they can easily afford the cost of the short trips, but they won't, despite Mum being very disappointed when she can't go to these things. It leaves me feeling rubbish for saying no, I need to work (albeit frrom home).

Would they consider community transport? It’s in pretty much every area, door to door. Their aims are to support independence etc and much cheaper than a taxi. You can often use for local journeys, hospital and they often do trips too.

OP, I can see it somewhat from your parents’ perspective. When we had to give up our car I was fully expecting to be able to totter to the bus stop but unfortunately physical health has made that impossible and it’s lifts from friends or taxis now. It's difficult to get one's head round loss of mobility of all types and loss of control. Getting old is shit.

However, what I did was add up all the expenses of running a car and realised the savings would pay for a lot of taxis. Is that something you could do with you parents to show them they aren’t being profligate and taxis have just taken over from other transport?

Also, point out the benefits of taxis to medical appointments, especially hospitals where the parking is horrendous to find and often expensive too.

I now have an Uber account and know their app monitors the drivers’ route, location and speed if safety is an issue.

My parents are the same. They can afford taxis but refuse to use them. Even when it is very inconvenient- for example they got me to wake up at 3am on a week night to run them 15 minutes to the airport for a holiday - when I got there all their friends (who live close by) arrived by taxi!

i had suggested a taxi (I had a big work day and was traveling myself lasted in the day) but they said taxis aren’t reliable. They think it’s my job to run them about and people who don’t have children use taxis!

I wonder if it might make it easier for them if they have an account with one firm that they can come to trust? If they don’t have to scrabble around paying each fare but just pay an invoice one a month they might become a bit detached from the cost?

Do they need help getting in to the car? Taxi drivers where I live don't get out of their seat to open doors, put shopping in car etc.

My husband contacted a firm local to his parents to ask about an account so when they call they know exactly where the house is, there's no need to faff around with payment on the spot etc. No problem! Didn't make it a more appealing prospect to the in-laws, they're never going to do it. Waste of money.

I'm astounded by your assumption that I expect my child to drive me anywhere.

I have no such expectations. If my child is free to take me somewhere I want to go, they are happy to do so.

Yes I could ask a taxi company. But unless the company has a vast experience of various disabilities, they can have no comprehension of what is possible for me.

my adult child, on the other hand, does.

my child is free, but on their behalf, I thank you for your concern.

Generally that generation was more frugal. Not being ageist-I'm sure there's exceptions! Some who hate the prices of drinks in restaurants, saying, correctly, a can of coke is 50p in Tesco, so they don't use restaurants for that reason. So they hate the waste.

Buy the scooter and just leave it there, she might use it when it's right there in front of her.

As a highly experienced driver (class 2 HGV, full motorcycle licence, Merrist Wood tractor driving pass, Surrey County Council mobile library driving employment record of 9 years, I actively loathe being in a taxi where I have no control of the standard of driving skill, can only protest by calling a halt (how do I force that?) and possibly left afoot miles from home because someone else's driving is of poor quality?

It's not always unreasonable to feel uneasy.

My dad will frantically call round friend/ relatives to organise a lift at great inconvenience to many (they’re expected to park and wait st the hospital) rather than get a £7 taxi… I’ve offered to pay, it makes no difference. I taken taxis when I visit sometimes, but he views this as frivolous and keeps/pays for a car he cannot drive so I take less taxis when I visit.

I feel your pain OP, but don’t have any answers!

My mum is very very well off. My dad died a few years ago. He was the driver, she never has. He had an expensive car, with high insurance/fuel costs. I don’t know exactly but I’d guess maybe costing several hundred a month.

I’ve explained till I’m blue in the face that she could take taxis several times a week and still be better off. But she won’t. They’re expensive…

She takes the bus/train a lot but also expects me to drive her places and expects all visits (1/2times a week) to be at her house 40 min away. It is very frustrating sometimes because obviously running my car is not free! I don’t want her to be lonely and I feel guilty so I do it.

my adult child recently bought a new(to them) car. I contributed because I benefit from them having a car.

I do feel sorry for your adult child .

In the past taxis were expensive and out of most people's budget older people tend to still think so, and although it may be a bit irrational being driven by someone you don't know can be a bit scary. I had a horrible experience with a taxi driver in India years ago which makes me extremely wary of taxis although I know it is irrational.

I’m not old (getting there) but I’ve had back problems lately, and the randomness of which vehicle I would get combined with the embarrassment of the time it would take me to get in & out stopped me from using taxis for a while.

My dad is racist so this prevents him from getting in taxis

Some children actually want to help their parents.

Speak for yourself. I won’t ever be the kind of person who expects other people to take responsibility for getting me from A to B.

Taxis are much more expensive and harder to obtain outside of London and the big towns and cities. To go by taxi from my house to my local community centre 3 miles away would cost about £30 - £40, maybe more. So, it does seem rather extravagant, yes.

Maybe they feel nervous about getting in and out of the taxi? Low seats are no fun to get in and out of when you don’t have the ability to move like you did!

OP said 10 minutes' walk though. The issue would be getting someone to take you, not the cost.

It's not about the cost so much. It's about feeling vulnerable.

I only knew it earlier in life when I was pregnant, and had to use the multi storey car park near my work. Nowadays in my sixties, I can still be feisty, but I do not have the same physical capacity to defend myself that I once had. Add to that potential difficulties with sight, or hearing, or moden payment methods. I can understand that for older people than me, it can be challenging..

It will come to you all, if you are lucky enough to live that long.

Sure we do, but not many of us want to do unnecessary chores that significantly inconvenience us. I wouldn't run my adult kids around just because it's easier for them and cheaper than getting a taxi.

It’s very easy to say that now… I had an operation last year and the recovery was hell. It made me realise how much you take a body that can move for granted. I never expected other people to do things for me, but sometimes you really don’t have any choice.

Also this is a couple so presumably could go places together if they were genuinely worried about dodgy drivers (it sounds like a small place though - after a few trips they'd know the regular drivers).

You can rarely solve emotional issues with logic though.