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Original poster

Friend brought her husband to long planned dinner with old friends 🙄

191 replies

Wofflewaffle · 03/07/2026 23:24

Went to have dinner out with three old friends tonight. It’s taken a year to find a date that we are all available, we’ve all got lots to talk about, really looking forward to it and… 30 minutes before we are due to meet one of them texts to say that her husband will be joining us!!!

she’s got form for this. I’ve often gone to meet with her and she’ll have brought some random acquaintance along with her. Or I go to her house for tea, and her neighbour will be there too. Or we’ll go en famille to her country house - and when we get there another family / some cousins / the neighbours will also have been invited.

i hate it. It changes the dynamic completely. Tonight it changed from the expected girly catch up to talking about very bland stuff, because we didn’t want to get into anything personal with her husband there. I didn’t make a fuss at the time, and he left after we’d eaten so we had about an hour of proper catching up, but I feel very cheated. I didn’t say anything at the time because her husband is also friends with us, as a family friend. He’s perfectly nice - just not tonight!

i just can’t understand why she thinks this is ok - nor why her husband would even want to join us!

OP posts:
JustGiveMeReason · 04/07/2026 02:04

i just can’t understand why she thinks this is ok

Maybe because none of the rest of you said anything ?

I mean - it is odd behaviour, but if 'she has form' then you need to make it clear that you are looking forward to catching up "just the girls" or "without the men there" etc.

Yogafiend · 04/07/2026 02:09

I have to say that would annoy me. And I agree my husband wouldn’t want to join at all! But I do think the only way to resolve this is to address is with her if she does it all the time. Weird my friends and I always check - are partners coming or just us? And there how we gauge the type of night it will be!

canuckup · 04/07/2026 02:14

I just wouldn't organise anything with her again

How does he think this is ok???

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Nopersbro · 04/07/2026 02:25

The time to say no is either proactively and very firmly when the original plans are made or immediately after she sends the text saying he's tagging along. I'd probably have talked in great detail about my messy period and debilitating cramps or something, just to make the point, rather than catering to him although I realise that doesn't help when people don't want to raise very private things in front of him.

CookingFatCat · 04/07/2026 02:38

Just say no. Friends catch up, he’s not your friend. Maybe soften with a friends and partners catch up if you enjoy his company

I hate randoms, ok in groups but not close friends and definitely not a random husband.

Worldcuproadshow · 04/07/2026 02:46

I have a friend who does this and brings her husband to absolutely everything. It's quite telling that she never joins when he meets up with his friends.

I got fed up once when she confirmed that her dh would attend a pre wedding celebration dinner for a mutual friend. I suggested that as none of the other dhs were attending then hers might be bored.

She didn't like that I mentioned it so she didn't attend the dinner which was really bad form. Anyway it turned out that her dh was shagging one of his colleagues so they split up!

Chickadee26 · 04/07/2026 03:29

Future meet ups need to spell it out I guess? Girls Night, no men or children!

Yetone · 04/07/2026 04:07

Just tell her that it is a girls night.

MrsDoubtfire123 · 04/07/2026 04:29

This would annoy me too. I have a friend who does this …. Really annoys me. I have to be explicit in saying just us !!! It really changes the dynamic. And I I want to see MY friend , no one else 🤦🏻‍♀️

SleepyLondoner · 04/07/2026 05:06

Honestly this would do my head in too. I had a friend like this - not with a husband but she'd always turn up with her sister in tow, even when it was explicitly a "just us" thing. It's so awkward because you don't want to cause a scene on the night but you're left feeling really miffed.

The only thing that worked for me was messaging her before the next meetup and saying "really looking forward to catching up just us two!" - making it clear without being confrontational. She got the hint eventually. Some people genuinely don't realise they're doing it because they're so used to having people around.

Also agree with you about the husband - can't imagine mine would want to gatecrash a girls night either!

Original poster
Wofflewaffle · 04/07/2026 05:08

I’ll definitely spell it out in advance next time. I told her previously how annoying it was but I could tell she didn’t really get it. She’s Malaysian - maybe it’s a cultural thing? She said that for her, she always has many invitations to reciprocate, and she likes to ’bring interesting people together’ 🙄. This was a few years ago and she hasn’t done it with me since - until last night.

By the time she told us, we were all en route, including him. It was hard to say anything on the spot with her husband there - he genuinely is a friend and in a couples / family situation I’m happy to see him, which I think is why she assumed it was ok to bring him 🤷‍♀️.

OP posts:
AnAutumnCrow · 04/07/2026 05:22

Chickadee26 · 04/07/2026 03:29

Future meet ups need to spell it out I guess? Girls Night, no men or children!

Edited

Yeah, we had to do this with a friend. It wouldn’t have been so bad if her boyfriends were easy going and sociable, and could kind of fit in, but they were always really intense, strange men with no money.

She brought one to a women-only (supposedly) Eurovision Party. He got drunk, very drunk, and tried to leave the room to go to the toilet through a poster hanging on the wall that he mistook for a door. It was a poster of a gorilla ffs. He was trying to turn its two-dimensional right nipple like a door handle.

Gardenflowering · 04/07/2026 05:37

Gawd how annoying.

My friends “dh” suggested she bring her toddler along to our girls evening in a restaurant because…& she agreed with him, “ the girls hadn’t seen the toddler in ages so it would be great for us all to spend time with him”.

erm, no! It was a night out for us all to get away from our kids and enjoy peace adult company for once.
The lazy arsed “dh” just wanted to game all evening and cba to look after his child.

I needed to explicitly spell out that no one would come if she brought toddler along, plus it’s 7.30 till late when kid should be tucked up in bed!
She was flabbergasted and slightly offended!

Notsurenotsurenotsure · 04/07/2026 05:45

If it's taken a year to arrange then it doesn't sound like anyone was that fussed about committing to a date and maybe she wanted her husband there for moral support? I agree it's a weird dynamic though.

DidILeaveTheGasOn · 04/07/2026 05:45

Wtf @Gardenflowering! Her toddler must have been quite the celebrity surprise guest at many a meal.

Inmyuggs · 04/07/2026 05:50

Spunds like she likes to be surrounded by others
Is she co dependant on her husband?
He not liking her out havibg her own life?

Original poster
Wofflewaffle · 04/07/2026 06:12

Inmyuggs · 04/07/2026 05:50

Spunds like she likes to be surrounded by others
Is she co dependant on her husband?
He not liking her out havibg her own life?

I honestly don’t know. She’s having a bit of a mid life crisis and is doing lots of things on her own that she didn’t used to - hobbies, travel etc without her husband, she says she needs to be her own person. Maybe she felt this was something she could offer him to feel included in her life? I don’t know, they have a weird dynamic.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wofflewaffle · 04/07/2026 06:17

Notsurenotsurenotsure · 04/07/2026 05:45

If it's taken a year to arrange then it doesn't sound like anyone was that fussed about committing to a date and maybe she wanted her husband there for moral support? I agree it's a weird dynamic though.

We’re all busy, house moves / teenage kids / ageing parents / jobs / relationships changing. We were really close a few years ago, drifted a bit after Covid, but have started getting together again and we’ve met up in groups of 3 and 2, this was the first time in ages that we managed to get all 4 of us together. I’ve probably seen this friend more than the other two (she has one kid, doesn’t work so she’s more available). I agree they have a weird dynamic.

OP posts:
Catsfredwilma · 04/07/2026 06:33

It’s so rude! I have a couple of friends who do this, one brought some random bloke she had met on the train that day, even he was embarrassed to be there!!
It shows a real lack of social awareness I think. Or maybe they see the meet up as more superficial than I do, they don’t recognise the change in dynamics.
I avoid meeting them now, I’m sure your elderly neighbours and your ex colleague and your brother are all lovely fascinating people but no thanks!!

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 04/07/2026 06:51

AnAutumnCrow · 04/07/2026 05:22

Yeah, we had to do this with a friend. It wouldn’t have been so bad if her boyfriends were easy going and sociable, and could kind of fit in, but they were always really intense, strange men with no money.

She brought one to a women-only (supposedly) Eurovision Party. He got drunk, very drunk, and tried to leave the room to go to the toilet through a poster hanging on the wall that he mistook for a door. It was a poster of a gorilla ffs. He was trying to turn its two-dimensional right nipple like a door handle.

Show quote history

I don’t know why this has made me laugh so much! 😂😂😂

AImportantMermaid · 04/07/2026 06:51

My friend does this with her grown up son. We arrange to meet in London (where her son works) a few times a year to see a show. We get there, watch the play, and then she announces that Bob will be joining us for dinner. Why? He’s a nice enough young man but he’s a finance bro thirty years younger than me. I get that it’s a good opportunity for her to see her kid, but I’d really rather she met him for lunch, or even if meet her for lunch and she could meet him for dinner.

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 04/07/2026 06:53

AImportantMermaid · 04/07/2026 06:51

My friend does this with her grown up son. We arrange to meet in London (where her son works) a few times a year to see a show. We get there, watch the play, and then she announces that Bob will be joining us for dinner. Why? He’s a nice enough young man but he’s a finance bro thirty years younger than me. I get that it’s a good opportunity for her to see her kid, but I’d really rather she met him for lunch, or even if meet her for lunch and she could meet him for dinner.

Have you said any of this to her?

AnAudacityofinlaws · 04/07/2026 06:59

I had a friend like this. Brought her husband to everything. It was so he would pay.

Original poster
Wofflewaffle · 04/07/2026 07:04

AImportantMermaid · 04/07/2026 06:51

My friend does this with her grown up son. We arrange to meet in London (where her son works) a few times a year to see a show. We get there, watch the play, and then she announces that Bob will be joining us for dinner. Why? He’s a nice enough young man but he’s a finance bro thirty years younger than me. I get that it’s a good opportunity for her to see her kid, but I’d really rather she met him for lunch, or even if meet her for lunch and she could meet him for dinner.

I think you and I both have to be a bit more proactive with telling these friends 🤷‍♀️ it’s hard when they do things that, to us, seem so weird. I really didn’t anticipate this happening, and she gave us no warning 🤷‍♀️. She knew it was a ‘girls night’ (I hate this phrase, maybe I should bring myself to use it though for the sake of clarity) and did it anyway.

OP posts:
PussInBin20 · 04/07/2026 07:08

AnAutumnCrow · 04/07/2026 05:22

Yeah, we had to do this with a friend. It wouldn’t have been so bad if her boyfriends were easy going and sociable, and could kind of fit in, but they were always really intense, strange men with no money.

She brought one to a women-only (supposedly) Eurovision Party. He got drunk, very drunk, and tried to leave the room to go to the toilet through a poster hanging on the wall that he mistook for a door. It was a poster of a gorilla ffs. He was trying to turn its two-dimensional right nipple like a door handle.

Show quote history

😂😂😂😂😂