Ive experienced this phenomenon in differing forms and circumstances
over many years.
Younger women, girls really, had tag alongs, drippy hapless looking youths
or young men, sit amongst the girls looking at their own fingers,
end up hving drinks bought for them, conversation inhibited, the
evening ruined and shortened
grown men who join a group of women who are established friends,
meeting by arrngement, are excited by this prospect, the cockerel in
the hen house, one I recall making lewd remrks whilst his wife sniggered
as though he was being witty, ended the evening, we by looks decided
not to eat, reconvened elsewhere without them, wife left group soon after.
the cock of the walk type is the most regular, with a ready made, polite
well mannered audience, sounding forth, flirtatious, knee touching, excited,
who we would find out later ‘insisted on coming’
then the OH who insists on driving the friend to the venue so that she can
have a drink, sits at another part of the bar, never takes his eyes off her,
then when he believe its time to go home, comes over to reclaim her - a
variation of this is the OH who drops off the friend at venue, declares in front
of friend he will come to pick her up at 10 and to be ready to leave
As posters have enquired in a baffled voice, why would seemingly normal,
regular men want to sit with women
Or 3 close single ladies, expecting a fourth the next day, on a self catering
beach holiday in Abersoch with our children, 7 in all, for two weeks, a
long drive from where we all lived close together, no landline, no mobiles then.
one friend had been seeing a much younger single man we hadn’t yet met
6am one morning, hammering on the front door, we expecting 4th friend,
but not that early, one put the kttle on, one opened the door wearing short nightie,
yes you guessed, grinning from ear to ear, smooth estate agent type, reeking
of freshly applied aftershave, stepped in.
Our friend looked surprised but spent the next few days bonking and dining
out with him whilst we were stuck with her 3 kids whom we noted, he completely
disregarded. Friend was 38, young Lochinvar type male 27/28.
Even in a fast car it would have taken him 3 hours to do 140 miles from Marple
its a long drive but worth it to him for a dead cert.
What sort of man does this? Other friend used pub phone to advise incoming
friend of situation, rowed with hot friend, why would you give him this address?
incoming friend (it was her house) sends telegram, Get him Out! arrives next
day with wonderful food and wine, comics for kids, blow up beach stuff, like
the Cavalry or Uncle Monty ha ha
the rampant cuckoo who arrived empty handed was never mentioned
Of course he was never seen or heard from again once we were all home
but he stayed, unwelcome, hard faced, long enough to bewilder all our
single figure children, annoy other friends, share bathroom, puncture football.
another type is the brought along oddball, one very loud, opinionated,
collected train tickets, and timetables, had a room in the house dedicated
to this hobby, spent the weekend at Swindon or Derby with locomotives,
declared the only music he would (deign to) listen to was 1500 or
earlier, madrigals, as though we were reprobates by playing Springsteen
the wife was a friend to many, normal, happy, lovely daughters, sociable,
a complete revelation,
so, to be sure we were guaranteed never to suffer him
again, she wasn’t asked to anything again
this all becomes difficult and political and fraught when we were all young
mums and families on a new estate, with children at the same nursery then
the same school
we are too polite in dealing with assessing these situations, automtically
considering the long term effects of speaking out
now I’m older and experienced this many times I wouldn’t even consider
a spouse of ‘friend’ to be a viable component of my evening and would
say so and then most likely leave, as a couple they assumed, incorrectly,
that I would play nice in the face of their blatant disrespect