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To think more and more people are just staying single?

103 replies

UseItOrLoseIt1984 · 03/07/2026 13:43

I'm almost 42 and spent the WHOLE of my 20s and over half of my 30s stressing and crying over not having found my person, it was all I ever wanted and I hated feeling like the only one left behind when everyone else seemed to be getting married, or getting engaged, or being in long term relationships or going from one short term fling to the next. The one thing I can say is I never wanted children so at least that pressure was off.

Fast forward to now after the last failure ended in 2021 and I'm genuinely content without a partner. I've built my own quiet and non dramatic life, I adore my solitude, I'm not bothered about sex anymore and I know deep down even if I did find someone right for me it would involve compromise, tolerance and effort that I just can't be arsed to make anymore. So that's that.

But I work with many people both male and female who are much younger than me, say mid 20s to early 30s and whilst some of them are in happy relationships most of them are single and seem to be content enough holidaying with their friends, studying and just doing things on their own including buying houses etc. Certainly none of them are getting married or having children any time soon. Most of my "mum" friends had children by the time they were in their mid 20s.

Also people my own age seem to be staying single now after going through divorces, both male and female. Again I'm not talking for everyone, there is still the odd person who does start a serious relationship in middle age.

Is it me or is single becoming the new thing?

OP posts:
worldshottestmom · 03/07/2026 13:45

I've noticed this, as well. Think I would only do FWB possibly forever, so much less stress. After a 10yr abusive relationship I'd be happy to never compromise on my peace again.

TheIdlerReturns · 03/07/2026 13:54

I think there's just lots to navigate in the modern world and also far more choice and expectation (especially from women) than there ever was. Up until about 50 years ago, it was just assumed that people would couple up and have children. Not to do so would be thought odd. The world is particularly hard for young people with careers and affording their own homes so they may still be living with parents. Divorce has no stigma now, so I think people are wary about what relationships (especially with children) will do to them if they break down. Standard of living drops; finances are compromised; fathers aren't supporting their children enough. I think for some people, throughout history, being single has always been a thing, it's just today no-one really raises an eyebrow about it or thinks you're eccentric or non-conformist.

ViciousCurrentBun · 03/07/2026 13:56

Yep 10% of households were single adults in 1970 now it’s close to 35%. Some of that is because of people living longer but others are choosing it.

I know of two separate couples who have just married in their mid to late twenties, children of friends. It’s a real mix among my friendship group and their children. I would say overall more are in couples.

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Badbadbunny · 03/07/2026 13:56

@UseItOrLoseIt1984

But I work with many people both male and female who are much younger than me, say mid 20s to early 30s and whilst some of them are in happy relationships most of them are single and seem to be content enough holidaying with their friends, studying and just doing things on their own including buying houses etc. Certainly none of them are getting married or having children any time soon.......... Is it me or is single becoming the new thing?

Not just you at all. I think it's certainly a "new thing" at least amongst Uni graduates etc. - I have less knowledge about other young people.

Not a single one of my Son's university flat mates have married or had children (nor even partnering up with someone long term) and that's 14 graduates who are now aged 25, and most with good graduate/professional jobs.

DS is now living in a HMO in London in a house totalling 6 males/6 females (different people to his Uni flatmates) most of whom are working in the City, and again, none are married/paired up/have children, all professionals, working hard and playing hard. Age range appears to be from around 22 to 28, a varied mix who didn't know each other prior to living together in the HMO.

Even his old friends from our village, primary and secondary schools don't seem to be getting paired up. As far as we know, as per what he tells us and from other "School Mums" of the same era, none are married and none have children - again most of them being 25.

Thinking further, my 28 year old niece has a boyfriend, they live together, but apparently, as per sister, she has no plans to marry or have children.

My DS is doing just as you say - going on holidays with various friends, socialising with friends, and this weekend he's spending the weekend at Silverstone for the Formula One! He is having experiences etc which is what he's prioritising over settling down and having children. He can't afford both, so is prioritising what's "fun" for him rather than what society expects.

I really do think the bubble has burst, certainly amongst young professionals, many of whom are struggling with housing costs, high tax burdens, high cost of living, etc. Living in HMO's is really no place to bring up children and not even particularly appropriate for a young couple living together. Of course, the wicked combo of low wages, high housing costs and high COL shouldn't be inflicted on our young professionals in the first place, as it's grossly unfair, but there's a massive knock on effect to the long term future/economy of the country if the younger professionals don't have children.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 03/07/2026 14:01

I think females yes - males still want a partner ( cough nanny with a fanny …cough … yes I’m bitter…)

GoldenGold · 03/07/2026 14:03

I have been single for 10 years but it isn’t through Choice but people that don’t know me might think it is?? So it’s hard to tell if it’s because they want to or other reasons..

GinaandGin · 03/07/2026 14:11

I'm mid 40s
I do not want a relationship
Too many men want a wife appliance
I would never live with a man again.. the NOISE.. the MESS .. the weaponised incompetence

Badbadbunny · 03/07/2026 14:15

GoldenGold · 03/07/2026 14:03

I have been single for 10 years but it isn’t through Choice but people that don’t know me might think it is?? So it’s hard to tell if it’s because they want to or other reasons..

But it is really though "choice" for anyone though? Would any single person really turn away from "Mr/Miss Right" if they came along and were literally perfect in every way, so thus the potential to improve/enhance their life??

I'm pretty sure, but maybe completely wrong, that most single people are single because they've not met the "right" person to share their life with and therefore prefer to stay single rather than compromise with second best, or risk making their life worse - it's hard enough these days as it is.

Badbadbunny · 03/07/2026 14:17

GinaandGin · 03/07/2026 14:11

I'm mid 40s
I do not want a relationship
Too many men want a wife appliance
I would never live with a man again.. the NOISE.. the MESS .. the weaponised incompetence

But what if a man came along who wasn't noisy, messy, incompetent etc? Would you really still say no if he was genuinely "Mr Perfect"?? Or are you jaundiced by past poor experiences and don't want to risk a repeat performance??

minerva7 · 03/07/2026 14:27

I’ve been single for over ten years now. I’m 55. And in the ten years before that I only had one 6 month relationship.

I’ve always been happily single, doing my own thing, busy with children and grandchildren and just pleasing myself.

Only now I’m beginning to think that some companionship would be really nice. I don’t think I’d ever live with someone again that would take too much adjustment that I am just not prepared to do, but having someone to share things with, holidays hobbies etc, is something I’m beginning to hanker after.

TheeNotoriousPIG · 03/07/2026 14:29

I am cheerfully, permanently single. This does not stop a lot of older people questioning if I moved away because I "met someone down there" or if I've met someone yet. All bar one of my friends (twenties/thirties) are in relationships, engaged or married, and some have children, so I'm one of two odd ones out. Another recently broke up with someone, but is hoping to find a relationship soon.

I like the peace that comes with it, and my own company after I come home from a long day at work. Quite a few of the women in my family have realised, after deaths of their spouses, that they too like singledom, and it is quite liberating. One remains happy to be in a relationship, as long as they have separate houses!

GinaandGin · 03/07/2026 14:33

Badbadbunny · 03/07/2026 14:17

But what if a man came along who wasn't noisy, messy, incompetent etc? Would you really still say no if he was genuinely "Mr Perfect"?? Or are you jaundiced by past poor experiences and don't want to risk a repeat performance??

It wouldn't be worth the risk
They never show their true colours at the start
I'm not jaundiced.. just know the score

Loveacadburyscreamegg · 03/07/2026 14:40

I agree, it does seem to be an increasing trend although I wonder what % of women historically stayed married/in a relationship due to financial reasons rather than love. We now have a choice as we also now earn, with many are choosing to be happily single.

KaleidoscopeSmile · 03/07/2026 14:45

Badbadbunny · 03/07/2026 14:15

But it is really though "choice" for anyone though? Would any single person really turn away from "Mr/Miss Right" if they came along and were literally perfect in every way, so thus the potential to improve/enhance their life??

I'm pretty sure, but maybe completely wrong, that most single people are single because they've not met the "right" person to share their life with and therefore prefer to stay single rather than compromise with second best, or risk making their life worse - it's hard enough these days as it is.

This is almost as bad as saying lesbians are only lesbians till they try a dick.

Craftysue · 03/07/2026 14:54

I was widowed in my late forties, 7 years ago after 25 years. I'm very happy on my own now. I loved my husband dearly but I can't imagine living with anyone again. I own my own home, have a job I love , a decent income and pensions and good friends and my kids are happy living their own lives. Id never say never but I genuinely can't see it in my future and that's fine with me.

MissyB1 · 03/07/2026 15:01

Yes I have a 31 year old ds. He’s single, very happy, not looking for anyone, very busy social life, loves group holidays or happy to travel on his own. Lives in a house share.

SideboobToYouToo · 03/07/2026 15:02

Im 48 and happily single, I don't see myself in a relationship again.

JoaNiic · 03/07/2026 15:15

My friend was single in her late thirties and was basically desperate.Always terrified of being alone. She met a guy who was available and not a player, so she married him, a bloke a decade older than her who had two kids, she sold her london flat to buy a place for them to be together, way outside london, her home. once she moved, She was sitting crying in her car in the car park regularly, and basically didn’t get on with his kids, got pregnant and felt stuck with the situation, got PND and the husband flaked out and wandered off to a hotel because it was ‘ too much for him’! She’s now got a husband she barely tolerates, lives in a little place she tries to tolerate, and has become asexual and feels she has to go running despite injuries because her mental health is so bad. She’s literally can’t believe she ever was bothered about Single! She is a living breathing example to me of why it’s crucial to appreciate the joys of being single!

Melom · 03/07/2026 15:26

I was widowed at 39 and it looks like I will stay single as modern dating is just not accessible to me. I don't know how to meet men any more apart from OLD and that's not for me. (I tried it and I am just too shy and introverted to keep meeting all these strangers by myself all the time.) So I think there's no other option and I will have to just stay single. I'm not a bad option, I think? It's weird to appraise yourself in this way but I am in good shape, ex model, earn quite a lot of money, own home, interesting life with lots of friends and travel etc, and not a single man has asked me out (outside of online dating). It's all different to when I was young!

I'm not desperate for a partner but it would be nice! I like sex and fun and laughs and closeness; I don't think it's somehow broken to enjoy these things? But it doesn't, I don't know... I can't understand how to obtain these things any more and absolutely nobody is offering, lol. Oh well!

Rubyslipperswitch · 03/07/2026 15:27

Yes. I am middle-aged and I have no intention to ever date again.

I have realised that unfortunately the majority of men are simply incapable of loving, caring and equal relationships and it seems to me that women almost always end up doing everything to keep a family/relationship going while receiving very little support in return.

Add to that the issue with men consuming too much porn and the constant evidence of how violent some men can be towards women and children.

It just is not worth it as far as I am concerned.

I am so much more happier and at peace by myself.

I think in the past women had little choice because they depended on men financially but now that it is no longer the case there is reason to put up with unhappy marriages and/or bad relationships...

Crushed23 · 03/07/2026 15:32

Although I’m not single, and DP is all kinds of lovely, I know I would be just as happy single. In fact, I would thrive. I’ve spent most of my adult life single and consider it my ‘natural’ state.

In my friendship group (in our 30s and 40s), most of us are longterm single.

GoldenGold · 03/07/2026 15:34

Badbadbunny · 03/07/2026 14:15

But it is really though "choice" for anyone though? Would any single person really turn away from "Mr/Miss Right" if they came along and were literally perfect in every way, so thus the potential to improve/enhance their life??

I'm pretty sure, but maybe completely wrong, that most single people are single because they've not met the "right" person to share their life with and therefore prefer to stay single rather than compromise with second best, or risk making their life worse - it's hard enough these days as it is.

Yes lots of people are happily single and dont want to date at all. Im surprised you are not aware of that.

Friendlygingercat · 03/07/2026 15:39

Ive been effectively single all my life except for a brief marriage in the late 1960s. I realised almost at once I had made a mistake. There were no children so my ex and I divorced amicably by mutual consent.

I decided at age 11 I never wanted children and I have never swerved from that choice. I could not see how having children was going to serve or profit me in any regard. Childbirth struck me as a pretty nasty messy business back in the 1960s and I dont see any improvement. The recent maternity provision scandal and the effect that had has on the lives of affected mothers and babies has absolutely convinced me that I made the right choice.

According to the ONS nearly a third of households in the UK are now singles. Tax-wise and provision wise single people get a pretty shoddy deal. You make an unselfish choice and get financially rinsed for it for the rest of your life.

happybug1234 · 03/07/2026 15:43

For women I think this is the case! Men seem to want a partner to look after them and look to fill a vacancy in my experience

mondaytosunday · 03/07/2026 15:43

My children are 21 (female) and 22 (male). While my son had a couple of intense relationships in his teens he is on ‘go slow’ now. He’s dated, but nothing has come of anything. He’s fine with that, though he does want a family eventually.
My DD has never had a boyfriend and maintains no one has expressed any interest. This may be true, though she is an introvert she’s involved in loads of things at uni and is attractive and gets out and about. But only one of her four closest friends has ever had a boyfriend too. Only one goes to her uni, the others are scattered around the country studying different subjects. I think that’s interesting.

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