Pregnant unexpectedly and heartbroken about having to end it because

[carrotcakebae]

I got two children already. Both under 5 I’m a single mum. One of my children has a disability. I started a relationship with someone and literally ended up pregnant after the first time. I’m just shocked. Anyways I’ve come to realise a lot about him such as his domestic abusive history with his ex. Including one of the claims that he strangled his ex . All I can say is , I can’t have this baby. But I’m so heartbroken because it’s still my child my mind has wondered thinking about names and what he/she will be like . I have the appointment tomorrow I’m going to go ahead and terminate but my heart is hurting tonight

I’ve thought of this but honestly the idea of getting it done later on when the pregnancy is at a later stage than now is worst for me . I’m so early i will feel less guilty if I did it now than in a few weeks

Get an STI test if you didn’t use contraception.

This absolutely.
You can't be connected to a dangerous man.
I'm so sorry.

Your life sounds complicated enough already. You are being sensible and I'd do the same. Hope it goes OK.

Do not tell this abusive man ANYTHING.

OP, it sounds so hard. As people have already said, you’re doing a really brave thing to protect you and your DC.

It’s also worth mentioning that, with his history, you have a high chance of social services involvement - that’s no life for you or your DC. After this, you’ll be able to move on and focus on your kids and yourself. ♥️

No ones menoning you also need to emd the relationship ...if you haven t done so already.
Sending support to you

So sorry you are going through this. Please get some birth control sorted so it doesnt happen again.

I am another person wishing you well. You are making a good decision for lots of excellent reasons. You are brave, strong and being the best Mum you can be. I hope it all goes smoothly for you.

Just wishing you will for today OP. You’ve made a really tough decision which is going to be best for you and your long-term sanity and safety. It’s also the best choice for your other children - they don’t need an abusive man in their lives (even if he’d be an ‘absent’ father).

I wish you the best for today. You already have 2 kids and your a single mother with little or no support. One of your children has a disability. Your doing what's best for you and the children you already have.

You also found out that the man you were involved with is abusive. You need to end things with him if you have not already done this and say nothing about ending this pregnancy.
I have seen woman having kids with abusive men or men that are are heavy drinkers. It never ends well. Things get worse over time, the kids childhoods are miserable and possibly have social services involved.
You and your kids deserve better than this. After this I would do the freedom program to help you avoid men like this and get contraception sorted out.

He knows about the pregnancy but I had told him before I knew he was abusive, but even then I still couldn’t keep it so he was aware of my choice to terminate but I was open minded as terminating wasn’t my ideal option.
I only found out about the abuse just before I wrote this post. I feel so ashamed to admit this but I’ve already been to the freedom programme , my ex , the children’s father was abusive so we have no contact. I have no idea how I’ve ended up here again, although he hasn’t yet been abusive to me, but it’s very clear im in the love bomb stage and didn’t realise it

All the best, Op
You' re doing it for the right reasons. You can't be a single mum to three, all so young..Take care.

Sounds like you’re doing the right thing.
We are lucky we have the choice.

I hope that everything works out for you, Op.

Sending a handhold. I had a similar situation and whilst I think of the baby (who would have been 5 now) every day, the lived reality would have been i would have not been able to be the mother i want to be to my older 2 who would have had to go without. And also the chances the third would also have the same disability meaning whilst I’d have had plenty of love to give i don’t have unlimited time or money which would have had to be split another way

So sorry you’re going through this OP but you’re absolutely making the correct decision, not just for yourself but your children. If he has a DV history he could put you all in danger, having a lifelong tie to him isn’t a great idea as I’m certain you know.

You are doing the right thing putting your already here children first.
This needs to be about their needs not your wants.

I feel so ashamed to admit this but I’ve already been to the freedom programme

Don't be ashamed. You did the programme and you're putting what you learned into practice. You're not getting involved again with an abusive man. You're making brave choices to get him out of your life. You're protecting yourself and your children.

Take time to be sad about ending a pregnancy. It's a huge decision.

OP this sounds very very hard but I think you sound like you made the correct choice based on your situation. Please get away from this man too before he becomes more involved in the lives of yourself and your children,

You’re doing the right thing for yourself and your children.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Think of it that you’re doing this for your children that are already born. Imagine what their life would be like if you were a single mum of 3 including a baby (or worse, a domestic abuser moving in). From what you’re saying I’m guessing you wouldn’t terminate if you had £200k in your account, a caring husband and family support. You’re a good mum for doing this against what you would want for yourself

My initial response was hidden - not sure why? I was supporting the OP - amidst the ‘u can make dis work hun’ messages that help nobody - least of all the OP

I’m not sure why, I don’t know how to hide posts

Definitely not !! It’s purely circumstantial