When someone deletes you on Facebook...

[MyFamilyBenAndSusan]

Or unfollows you on Instagram... has it ever offended you? Has it ever been someone you really liked or thought liked you? Or caused confusion etc? A colleague you always got on with perhaps. Or an ex you're not quite over yet.

Or does it literally not bother you at all. I am SO sensitive to this kind of thing, which is why I tend to mainly avoid it.

I generally wouldn't notice, well not for a while anyway. I did have someone unfriend me from everything recently and only noticed because I went to tag her in something. Turns out we have differing opinions on something and she decided that was enough to end a friendship over. I thought it was weird AF and therefore thought that maybe it was just as well as I don't really want to be friends with people who can't respect that other people have different opinions.

I wouldn't notice. But if I have been it would be because I always speak my mind so likely pissed someone off or it's just pointless being on someone's friends list if we no longer speak or see each other.

I have only ever noticed if someone popped up on the "you may know" list, at which point I've realised they unfriended me at some point.

It doesn't bother me at all as I have a cull quite regularly. It has never been anything personal... I just don't feel the need to keep people on there if we don't interact. The only exception is for some extended family members where it's nice to see what they're up to and vice versa.

But for people that I used to work with and haven't spoken to since, or that I went to Uni with 20 years ago but we haven't kept in touch then I will remove them. I occasionally have photos of DDs on there (with their permission) and I don't feel the need to share their photos with acquaintances that have never actually met them. It had never occurred to me to be honest that they may be upset about it! Surely they'd also realise we don't actually speak to one another?

I find the deleting people all a bit odd. Where’s the harm in people seeing your holiday snaps? I’m also not particularly nosey, but it’s nice to see colleagues post updates about new jobs, their kids going to uni etc.

i think deleting people can be a bit performative, but then, I rarely post updates

It's happened to me a few times. Sometimes I don't notice for age. But the most recent one was when someone I'd been friends with for 40 years called me disgusting and stropped off because I was laughing about the time someone threw a milkshake at Nigel Farage. I only said that I thought it was a waste and I'd have drank it then refilled the cup with warm piss! 😂😂

That feels a bit like you are peering through the windows into someone's house.

You like to see what is going on in their lives, but don't want to share with them what is going on in yours.
Can you not understand that's not really how friendship works ?

I wouldn't notice and I have unfollowed several people I really like because I am not interested in their frequent posts. I would assume anyone unfollowing me has done it for their own good reasons.

I've never noticed. Therefore I haven't missed them.

I did a cull about a year ago. People I’d been “friends” with for over a decade but I hadn’t seen or spoken to in probably the same time span, about 100 or so people. I used to be quite the social butterfly so had a lot of “friends”. I’d been snoozing some regularly as they were annoying and decided to just get rid of anyone irrelevant instead. These people might wonder why but it also might not even be on their radar. Friend list less than 50 now and it’s a struggle to even see their posts in between the “suggested” posts and constant ads. Facebook is pathetically non user friendly now. I miss MySpace back in the day.

And to add, I very rarely post anything myself for the past few years so probably no one would notice a difference.

have you read my post?

I said I rarely post updates - not that I never do. And I look at it just as rarely. It’s nice to occasionally check in with people. I don’t just look at the pictures, but post comments saying congratulations etc.

I’m just not posting on all of everyone’s posts.

It bothers me more than it should. I wouldn't always notice straightaway but when I do, I'd like to know why.

My FB only has people I know quite well IRL, so it's not aquaintances having a tidy up.

Once it was someone who I thought was a very good friend, someone I used to see regularly then she deleted me and blocked me everywhere. She could always be a bit "walking on eggshells" but I've no idea what I did that was the final straw.

Another one a friend of a friend I knew didn't like me and her BF, who I thought did, and is still perfectly pleasant if I bump into him, deleted me on the same day. I'd love to know what that was about.

Times change. People change. It's fair cop to unfollow someone if you have little or no interaction with eachother I say.

Yes, of course I read it, which is why I replied as I did.

You rarely post (ie choose not to share info about what is happening in your life) but want to see what others are doing in their lives.

I don't think someone deciding that is not a friendship they want to maintain, is in any way 'performative', just a reasonable response to a one sided relationship.

I find it creepy when people are always online but never post or interact. My sister in law does this. Such a snoop and she's never off her phone either. I just find it weird.

thats the thing sometimes its like how you need to know who you can trust eg what they say vs how they are etc and some people rightly or wrongly would vet people they know etc you study and see etc as these days online profiles

I've never had anyone delete me/unfriend me who matters. It's always been people I'm not close to. Acquaintances.

The only way I notice is my friend count will drop from 173 to 172, and I won't know who's gone! 😆

.

what i dont understand is what happened to just being honest, why add people as friends if you dont want to be a true friend, why waist each others time ?

My brother's wife did. She apparently posted that she was having a clean up of her facebook. Got rid of me and a cousin of ours too. I never said anything to my brother but I viewed it as an (unwarranted) hostile event.

Maybe they are posting in groups? I rarely post on my timeline but I post in private groups all the time. I assume I must show up as online too.

I would not have a clue who follows me or not on facebook. I barely check it as it’s full of weird content these days. plus how would you even know if someone unfollowed you or deleted/lost their account?!

I love Instagram but again I hardly check it go follows etc because there are people I don’t even know in real life.

please get some therapy.

Friendships evolve over time.

There can be people you were close to 10 years ago that you've drifted apart from.
Then there are people you were friendly with when you were with your ex, who are no longer part of your life.
Or it might be you had your BiL as a FB friend, but then your sister and he split up.
Or sometimes people change (or maybe become emboldened?) and start posting political stuff that really annoys you.

I think most people aren't talking about adding someone and then deleting them shortly afterwards, they are more likely to be having a clean up and asking themselves if they really still have anything in common with those ex team mates or ex colleagues or ex neighbours or whatever now lives have moved on.

True, I think sometimes the issue isn't being deleted itself. It's when someone actively encourages a friendship, reassures you that the friendship is welcome, and then quietly cuts contact when circumstances change.

Yes, a couple of times, particularly as they remained “friends” with DH who is far more offensive than I am 🤣 One I see around occasionally and evidently has a visceral dislike of me but I have genuinely no idea why. We have a tonne of mutual friends so it is a bit awkward but I just stay polite and try to move on.

This also happened to my mum, someone she had been friends with for a couple of decades, had lived with us for a time, just ghosted her with no explanation. And my mum is even less offensive than I am. People are strange.

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. In fact, I use social media so little that I highly doubt I would even notice.