DS10 repeatedly getting called a fat fuck at school.

[JudithsDead]

DS is 10 and in year 5. There is a boy in his year, not class, who clearly has a lot of behavioural problems although he seems a bright articulate boy from my interactions with him over the years. He has come from quite a chaotic background and I’m not sure of any diagnoses he has.

He has either one or two teachers at arms length at all times. He has taken recently to calling my son a fat fuck whenever he sees him. He shouts “you lanky fat fuck” or variations of several times a day whenever he’s sees my son in corridors/canteen/playground. Often there is also a threat I’m going to get you/kill you/destroy you, watch out type of thing. My son is a fairly resilient cheerful type with lots of friends but it does get him down. He has body anxieties anyway as he is carrying extra weight, he’s very very tall (158cm) with size 8 feet and is just generally built like a shit house and he’s not technically very overweight but he’s just big. So it feeds into that and it’s just draining him a bit as it’s constant. If he says anything back he gets told by this boys 1-2-1s that he’s not allowed to engage with him.

He never sees these 1-2-1s castigate this boy for anything he says, obviously we don’t know what else goes on. He says they’ve all been generally told this boy has different needs and to ignore anything nasty he says.

I spoke to the dep head last week as it was getting too much and they were both called in, this boy was made to promise not to name call again which he agreed to. This hasn’t worked as the same things are happening again. He was called a lanky fat fuck again today and when he didn’t respond was taunted “are you going to run and tell mummy again”. The 1-2-1 was there and didn’t say anything.

I have put another call into the school - is there anything else I can do other than be a bit of a squeaky wheel and just keep on at the school?

Well I work in a small school with a generally lovely bunch of children and very supportive management. I’ve still witnessed this several times over the years. Moving disruptive children out of primary schools can take months, if not years.

I’m really sorry your son is going through this horrible ordeal. I’d definitely email / ring / go into school regularly until it’s sorted.

Well, that would ensure you were banned from school premises <eye roll>

You are absolutely within your rights to express concerns regarding bullying, which it is. It doesn’t matter if he’s fat or not; that’s not the point at all.

She’s said he’s not overweight, why are you derailing with shitty comments?

With the Tourettes incident, everyone said how you couldn't take things someone with Tourettes says personally. We don't know and aren't entitled to know what diagnoses this child might have. What if it's Tourettes?
I am really sorry for your son, and I would definitely want something done about it, but the fact the TA doesn't reprimand him makes me wonder if she knows something more is going on than just usual rudeness.

They should not be in mainstream school.

Weirdly enough, I was waiting for my son in the carpark today after school and heard something very similar to this..I couldn't quite believe what I heard... There was a boy shouting at another boy and it was a very similar insult. I was trying to mind my own business as the parents were a couple of cars along but it's disgusting and bullying behaviour.

You should not accept it. Someone has to stand up for you son and say it is totally unacceptable.

It would probably be the best way to stop him from doing it again! Before anyone jumps on me, I say that as an ex-teacher and someone who got bullied for most of their school years...

OP, something badly needs to change before your son ends up hating himself and his body because of the bullying. I got bullied a lot for my looks, and it took years to wear off to the point that I thought I looked 'OK'...

Even if he was morbidly obese it wouldn’t be acceptable, you don’t need to explain anything to justify your completely understandable horror at how your son is being bullied. Keep complaining, escalate as you can and show your son you have his back.

Please stop going on about the boy’s weight, it’s irrelevant here. He is having abuse shouted at him daily and it’s not acceptable, regardless of what size he is. Do you think if he lost weight the abuse would stop? I suspect not.

Something tells me that if the bully was shouting racist abuse something would have been done by now, they just wouldn’t be able to let it continue. OP I would keep on at school. If the boy cannot be excluded (ridiculous, when I worked in mainstream schools kids were excluded for exceptionally bad behaviour) he needs to be kept in a room away from other kids or at least away from the specific kids he bullies. Inclusion does not work when it ruins school for other children (and in this case, could cause long term mental damage).

there is an SEN child in my daughters class who has a 121 and when she has hurt other children she is made to apologise and told it is wrong. You can’t just ignore someone hurting others because they have a diagnosis.

Are you honestly telling OP her son needs to be more resilient and try not to care that he’s being horribly bullied day in day out while an adult responsible for the bully stands by doing nothing?

Resourcing issues aren’t OP’s problem or her son’s. Someone’s paying for this child to have a 1-2-1 who’s allowing him to bully other children. OP’s son has a right to an education which doesn’t include being repeatedly abused. I thought claiming that bullying was character building had died out 20 years ago but if this is your response it seems not to have been. Horrifying.

What on earth is the matter with you? This is a thread about bullying, not about you and a chance to concern troll a child whose taking after his 6 ft 9 uncle because of whatever deep seated phobias and issues you've internalised.

Give over. If it's acceptable for an ELEVEN year old to be called this, it should be a walk in the park for the Headteacher who, after all, has a lifetime of experience and resilience. And if not, why not?

There is not a chance in the world it would mean being banned from school premises. Hopefully it would concentrate these adults' minds on how they would protect the OP's child, as they should have been doing from the beginning.

This sounds like a great plan, but I wouldn’t be able to do it without laughing.

100% agree, what on earth are you going on about a child's weight? Bizarre behaviour. Are you mentally unwell, or just a complete and utter arsehole?

Keep brining it up. I'd be asking why one child with SEND is being allowed to terrorise other children. If he can't behave in an acceptable manner he needs to be in a specialist provision like a pupil referral unit

The two boys wouldn’t have been called in to the office with the bully made to promise not to call names again if the school were aware it’s Tourettes.

Not always true at all. My ds2 was chubby at 11, really chubby and teased for it. He was fed no differently to our other three kids who were all slim. By15 he was taller and slim after a growth spurt. At 25 he is a fitness fanatic extremely disciplined in nutrition, goes to the gym daily, walks all the time. many kids are chubby at this age and soon grow out of it.

This isnt the point of the thread. Also you're wrong as well as being judgemental - the OPs brother is 6'9 - we have big men in our family who are healthy fit adults and they all got a bit podgy multiple times through childhood before big growth spurts regardless of what they ate, and their bodies really needed it. Often genetics for tall broad adults look like stocky kids and teens. My own kid was always stocky, just the same, and is now a really lean very tall teen.

Children come in all shapes and sizes , some are naturally broader and bigger than others I went to primary school with a boy who could have been described as OP describes her son. He went on to have an international rugby career . My daughter is 10 very tall and broad of shoulder for her age , she’ll grow into her build . She’ll likely be 5”9 plus , as I said to my daughter “ some girls are pixies others are Amazons. You are an amazon “ also if any one called her a fat fuck she’d punch their lights out , my husband is an ex boxer both my girls Have quick hands !!

Can you imagine going into work every day and your colleague saying good morning fat lanky fuck. Yet we let let our little children be subjected to this stress. What the fuck has happened to society that this is ever okay!

Because it’s not the point of the thread and tone deaf to comment about it on this thread

Everywhere now there are signs saying that staff will not tolerate abusive behaviour. But this child needs to learn how to toughen up to it? No- parents need to start going absolutely tonto at the school, at the board of governors, at local councillors. This shit has swung too far.

I know it’s difficult and that’s the very reason why everyone should be kicking up a fuss.

This crap is the reason I pay for private schooling.

Ignore. Absolutely missing the point and derailing the thread with bizarre weight issues.

OP this is beyond unacceptable. I would not be letting this lie and would be on at the school. The child behaving this way is clearly not coping in the environment and it is damaging those around him. It doesn't sound like the right setting for him.

I honestly cannot imagine this being accepted for a moment at my DS school (he's also 10, and built like a brick shit house)

Rather than punching him could he not just say something back to him? Act like it's getting really boring to him?

"Yeah, you said"
"There he goes again."
"You need a new hobby."

He's clearly got issues but doesn't mean your son should just tolerate abuse.

Thanks all.

He is quite good at a witty reply but when he’s talked back he’s been pulled aside by a teacher and warned not to engage.

The school and staff are lovely and I believe they care about DS. But I feel they have got themselves in a boiling frog situation where they accept from this boy the unacceptable because the rest of of his behaviour is so outre. My DS is collateral as they don’t want to be constantly screaming/shouting/isolating this boy and it’s probably the least bad thing he does all day.