If you have a girl diagnosed with ADHD….

[readysetcake]

Would you want my 10 yo DD assessed if she was your child and did the following things?

• Difficulty concentrating and remaining focused on tasks, particularly if not interested.
• Frequently failing to complete work.
• Often trailing off mid-sentence and not completing stories or explanations.
• Becoming easily distracted.
• getting frustrated and down on herself for getting distracted or being slow.
• Difficulty sustaining effort on tasks that require concentration.
• School reports that she is distractible and often does not finish classroom tasks.
• Becomes obsessed with things for a couple of weeks and does nothing else then drops it never to return

She experiences intense emotional reactions that seem too big for the trigger and has done so since early childhood. Examples include:

• Frequent emotional outbursts when things do not go as expected.
• Becoming overwhelmed by disappointment or frustration. Often claiming she wants to die.
• Difficulty accepting criticism or correction.
• Interpreting correction as rejection and saying things such as “You don’t love me” And “you hate me don’t you”. Or calling herself stupid and hitting herself.
• Becoming distressed when things aren’t the way she wants them (her room is messy her bed cover is not just right, sand in her bed (on holiday))
• Persistent negative self-talk
• When upset, she often blames others and takes no responsibility and can turn very nasty.

there are other issues as well but the thread will go on too long. I’ve lost sight of what is “normal” and what needs further support. My biggest concern is going into comprehensive in just over a years time.

Does she sound like any other 10 year old that has ups and downs or like something else is going on and needs support?

I have a meeting with school Thursday and not sure how hard to push. She does have emotional outbursts at school and has been in emotional learning support so they recognise something. But obviously don’t want to pursue as they are so stretched.

She sounds exactly like my 10yo daughter. We are on the waiting list for dx

Apart from the distraction in school, she sounds just like my DD, who is almost 9 and just diagnosed with autism (I had suspected) and adhd (came as a total surprise). Worth pushing for a referral.

Thanks for the replies. The school is so reluctant to do anything, which is mainly coming from the local authority. The waiting list is so long they are just keeping referrals for the most extreme cases where kids disrupt school.
I am prepared to go private but would still like support of school

in my experience (limited) the assessment process reveals a lot more than simply adhd or asd and gives useful insight into the childs learning styles and needs.
there is zero harm in getting an assessment, it will be very valuable info in the decades to come (believing that education is a lifelong experience).

Thank you @BreakingBroken thats a really positive way of framing it.

I can add violent outburst when overwhelmed, especially her little brother 8. She just pushed him down the stairs as he was arguing with her. Thank god it was hard and he just bum bumped a bit. She can’t control her temper when mad. And yes she gets consequences but it never stops her which suggests major impulse control.

As a girl (an old one) with ADHD I wish I’d had a diagnosis at school.

Even just knowing there was a reason for me being the way I was would have helped me so much.

@Adhdsucks do any of the behaviours I listed resonate with you thinking back to your childhood?

As an adult, definitely.

As a child it was more silly mistakes at school from not paying attention, constantly being late for my bus, chatty in class etc but yes lots of what you’ve listed I identify with as an adult.

Temper was terrible at school, was in isolation more than once for lashing out. Also did some crazy things a notable one being pushing a friend into a covered swimming pool!

Thank you for sharing. The emotional regulation side of things worries me much more than being late or not being able to focus. I worry she will get someone or herself before long.
I feel a diagnosis would be helpful for her as she already feel different to her peers. Though I wouldn’t know where to turn if it’s not ADHD or ASD.

Yes, sounds like possible ADHD.

how’s her sleep?

I didn't see the other poster reply, before I thought, could be ASD.
I didn't know what to get my dd assessed for so saw somewhere that could do both. He said ASD was the priority at her age (year 6).
She was diagnosed and it was obvious once I knew... she likely has Adhd aswell.

Any sensory issues or anxiety?

Yes, I would want a diagnosis, but primarily to signpost support, provide access to appropriate tools, normalise and embrace difference, and encourage individuality.

What is important is that children grow up understanding that a diagnosis does not absolve them of accountability or personal responsibility. It may help explain certain challenges, but it should not be used to define them or limit what is possible.

Her sleep is ok but she can struggle to get to sleep. She tells me she wakes in the night and does stuff but I never hear her so who knows. She does have anxiety over certain things but not to the extent it stops her doing things. Plenty of sensory issues but again nothing that would stop her doing things. Though loud noises and crowds can be difficult and she gets overwhelmed and upset. I have noticed her start to not want to do things if she knows it will be busy and loud.

yes because the wheels fell off my daughter at 12/13 and by the time you get to a diagnosis you are in gcse years.

she was referred at 7 but didn’t meet threshold. I was told it was fairly uncommon for inattentive adhd to be picked up in girls at all at that age.

I can recommend SEIK psychiatry. They offer lower cost private assessments with the option to pay with Klarna in 3 lots.
Your dd sounds very similar to me at the same age but I wasn’t diagnosed until 48. Schools can be useless. Keep pushing for reasonable adjustments. Ds has been diagnosed with autism and has the ADHD assessment soon. It was £900 for the autism and I think £600 for the ADHD. If they can see they need further assessment it’s offered at a lower price.

Yes, this sounds like both me and my 15 year old daughter both diagnosed with ADHD.
I believe my youngest has ADHD as well but she masks well outside the house.

As an adult in my 40's if I had a diagnosis i would habe hyperfocused to learn the tools to manage my ADHD and might have done better in my life.

OP as a parent to ADHD children my biggest tip is even if the diagnosis takes a while start using parenting techniques to help (eg body doubling, breaking instructions into manageable small tasks eg do not say clean your room but instead say could you put the rubbish in a black bag/ clothes in a pile, help with the organisational tasks.

As a family we are absolutely chaotic but together we help each other out and somehow manage to get through each week even if that means using far to much dry shampoo because we keep forgetting to wash our hair or panic drying the school uniform at 6.30 am!

Yes, this all sounds very like my now 22yo dd.

Potential ADHD was flagged at age 9 - we had a private Ed Psych assessment, to which school responded very well with lots of good strategies for managing behaviour and emotions. As a result of which I figured CAMHS had better things to do than see a high-functioning 9yo, so we didn't pursue formal diagnosis at that point.

It was flagged again at sixth form, by which time her behaviour and social skills were much more within the normal range, but erratic concentration became more obvious (she was doing Maths, FM, Physics and Computer Science at A-level) and we did go the diagnosis route, albeit privately. She was prescribed meds, which she took during term-time weekdays throughout sixth form (her choice), but ultimately decided the side-effects outweighed the benefits for her, and since starting uni has been medication free.

Think carefully about what you hope to gain from a diagnosis. It may unlock medication options (which are not a magic bullet) and may unlock extra time etc in exams. My dd found it helpful inasmuch as she disappeared down a bit of an internet rabbit hole in terms of finding validation of her experiences, but she was 17 by this point and had the objectivity to not make ADHD her whole identity. She did also get to sit A-levels in a smaller, quieter room, and was given additional breaks (though not extra time).

With hindsight I'm glad we didn't go the diagnosis and medication route at age 9, but we did have a very supportive primary and later secondary school in an inner-city are with lots of social problems, which meant that the behaviours she brought to the table were not considered that big a deal in the great scheme of things and the schools were very au fait with finding ways of managing and de-escalating problems. If she'd been in a small private school with lots of well-behaved little girls, I suspect it would have all been perceived very differently, and become more of a problem. We deliberately chose a very inclusive and supportive secondary school - again, one of the really strict zero-tolerance academies would not have been a success, nor would a very pushy academic private school, even if we could have afforded it.

So context is all - see how thoughtful the school can be around her behaviour and potential issues, and and how creative and supportive they are prepared to be. If they're very on it, then a diagnosis will probably not bring that much additional support at this point. But if they're shrugging their shoulders, then a diagnosis may galvanise them to put supports in place.

100% this. I wish I’d had all of my children assessed much earlier.

Yes. DD was diagnosed at 10. Being able to access medication has improved her life tenfold. No longer getting in trouble at school, thinks before she acts, able to concentrate better. Less emotional outbursts.

She could have ADHD and ASD, it sounds like she has traits of both. Look up autism in girls, see if it fits.

I understand what you saying about a diagnosis especially with schools as they are sometimes not helpful and dont fully understand the condtion however having ADHD can be incredibly frustrating and cause a lot loneliness. I thought I was bipolar and at one stage in my 20's was given antidepressants this is because I felt so disconnected to other people and life and couldn't understand why I was unable to complete seemingly normal tasks. The diagnosis helps to understand your own brain and as you get older you learn to advocate for yourself. It has helped me immensely in my current job.
Medication is a difficult one because it absolutely can be difficult to cope with the side effects and is not the magic bullet but essentially a person with ADHD produces a lot less dopamine and medication helps to increase this to correct levels.
The beauty of ADHD medication is you can control what you take so if I don't feel I need my afternoon dose I dont need to take it.

Also you do not have to disclose your diagnosis.

What is her screen time like?

Please don’t rule out medication - it has been around for decades and is incredibly effective.

I would actually say that on medication the need for doing extra teaching on accountability will be eliminated or at least heavily reduced because I believe the potential problems you are referring to would be down to ADHD ‘symptoms’ such as poor impulse control and medication reduces the symptoms. So I presume you are thinking, for example, of people with ADHD blurting out inappropriate comments or interrupting, or difficulties with listening and following instructions.

I am a late 50s adult and have ADHD and have just finished a 2-week experiment in which I didn’t take my ADHD medication. OMG it was awful - I left my handbag on a train, arrived late for appointments, took the wrong medication (I’m on other meds too) or forgot to take it altogether, I impulse ate chocolate, impulse bought a load of jewelry, I could not focus on anything and never got anything finished, plus my mood was very low too. This was not what I was expecting.

ADHD adult here. It is common to have insomnia with ADHD. I also struggle with falling asleep.

DC2 who also has ADHD (young adult) and has since birth woken up at the crack of doom.

Sleep is something to be aware of as a potential issue. My ADHD doctor told me to have a magnesium supplement. Not sure if this is the advice for children though.