Class bully seems to keep getting away with it

[Difficulty101]

DC in late primary. Lots of friends and social, but having a rough time with a bully in their class. Other kids also bullied and intimidated by the same kid. Physical violence leading to injuries, plus threats.. We have had meetings with the school. Other parents have. Why don't schools act?

Well, I suppose it would be good to ask for advice about possible levers of influence on a similar forum in your country - or from other affected parents. It’s hopefully not a lawless society and there should be ways of containing this gang-like response. Can the papers still work, I wonder.

IME (3 dc, 5 nephews and nieces) schools never deal with bullying.

Thanks, I am. Also looking at where schools are legally responsible to try to get them to fix some boundaries. Definitely not a lawless society. Schools just have tied themselves up with an ideal of civil society where everything is supposedly resolved but in reality it backfires with more serious cases.

Thank you so much for the replies.

I am putting everything in writing, have warned about the school about repercussions DS has faced from the bully and parent, and am demanding to know what the school is doing to stop the harassment and bullying of DS. I will continue this and escalate through all channels, looking at the policies for each, but have asked DS not to let the bully know in any way so hopefully there is not retaliation.

DS and I talked about it at length about what is also happening between the bully and other children. DS is targeted far less since he stopped reacting and happier since he is not being punished by the school for reacting to the bully. He will try a version of grey rock where he can be more like granite – strong, but let nothing stick and not react. A friend’s child who is also in the class is having a nightmare with the bully as he fights back/reacts/gets very upset and is now targeted almost daily. This child is now persistently in trouble with the school and really miserable. There is a similar pattern with others and DS will try to avoid the whole mess.

Please help if any advice. Just found out the bully's mother has been trash talking DS to other parents, trying to influence friendship groups. Obviously not very successfully as it got back to us. It is outside school, but still a school issue. I presume she does it about other kids as the bully is in constant conflict with some.

Would you raise this with school or just stick to the school incidents?

I wasn't in the UK either, and it was also a family from the former Yugoslavia, with an extremely aggressive mother who probably had significant MH problems, looking back. After I and other parents escalated, the mother was banned from entering the school premises or attending school events, having threatened another parent and a member of staff.

DS has now been at secondary school for two years, and has seen the former bully in the street once or twice. He's been wearing two different school uniforms on those occasions, so it seems he moved schools again after a year in secondary. His issues will be ongoing, and in moments when I can forget what he did to DS, I feel sorry for him. He's likely to be in a young offenders institution before too long.

So sorry, it is really awful. I cannot comprehend the level of aggression and spite from the mother. If my son was being violent I would be deeply concerned as to how to help him stop and apologetic.

I have a strong letter from the Dr which I will send to school. My son knows I am doing this so the aggressor isn't just getting away with it. Aside from the fear of serious escalation, I also told my son the best revenge is to do well and behave well while the bully sinks.

My friend's son has been fighting back and has almost daily skirmishes, is massively distressed and is getting into a lot of trouble with the school.

No idea how the mother is allowed to keep coming onto the school premises and inappropriately approaching children. I am sure if I did it once I would be banned!