Been here on 3 occasions.
DD1 was targeted in year 6, it started in school when she defended some SEN kids she was friends with but went on outside of school and on her phone, (yes I gave my dd a phone in year 6 so she could get use to taking care of it and walk home alone in prep for high school). Another child recorded a bad incident at the park next to her school and other parents called out the bullies. My dd ended up running home and was hit my a car when she ran across the road, she was ok but it could have been much worse.
The same parents who pulled the bullies up took the recordings and sent them around to all the classes parents to call out the behaviour. Dd was too scared to go into school as there were about 5/6 of these kids in her class, all part of the same friend group whose parents were also the cliquey parents. I went into school and called it out, said it wasn’t isolated as I had sent emails on occasion over the years when smaller incidents had happened with 2 of these bullies. I made it clear my dd was not coming back into school until the school had dealt with the bullies. The school ended up getting the whole year in an assembly and called out the behaviour and threatened loosing some end of year 6 privileges. My dd got 2 days out with DH going to the movies and arcades.
Only one parent whose child was involved contacted me. They actually didn’t know me as their child was new to the school, they were appalled and made sure their son apologised genuinely to my dd. Others assured the school punishments at home were being put in place, but never bothered contacting me or asking if my dd was ok.
Second incident was with DD2 year 5 att. There had been lots of rumours about a particular child, I knew who the mum was, part of a group of “rough druggies” yes I know this for a fact. I never had any issues with them, always smiled and polite, none of them had children in my DDs years but the school classes are mixed year groups so sometimes there would be an overlap. Another parent approached me asking if my dd was ok as apparently this boy had hurt my dd. When I asked dd ( she’s not one for talking) she wasn’t sure if it was an accident or on purpose. I emailed the school for clarification and pointed out I knew there had been a lot of talk about this boy and just wanted to make sure I didn’t need to worry.
The school invited me in, they had known me many years and knew I wasn’t going to blindly believe gossip but wanted to ensure me the incident they believed was an accident, my dd was one of the children this boy liked and he was genuinely upset he’d hurt dd. The other incidents the school were managing and the parents were actively engaging with the school.
Third incident dd2 in year 6. DDs best friend had another close friend who didn’t like a 3rd person group, she’d regularly try pushing dd out. I hadn’t realised things at school were getting nasty (dd doesn't talk remember) until I got a call asking me to pick her up as she woulnt stop crying and none of the teachers could get out of her what was wrong. I eventually got out of her that she was not only being pushed out but this other girl had teamed up with the class bully and were targeting dd. I spoke to best friends mum and we sorted our 2 girls out. Other mums were a different story. Anyway one day again another parent asked if dd was alright, I asked why and it turned out this other girl was messaging really horrible things about my dd to anyone she could, stuff like because my dd goes to the park with a boy in her class she must be shagging him in the tress etc.. it was not just about dd but also about our family, stuff a child would only know from listening to adults talk ie her parents.
I emailed the school and the next morning at drop off the HT and school counsellor were waiting for me as they knew I would turn up. I made it very clear I didn’t care what they had to do they were keeping that girl away from my dd, if they even tried to do the let’s hug it out apologise and shake hands shit I would hit the roof as it was a bunch of crap and they were not guilting my child into forgiving any of this shit ( yes I did swear) I also said it better not be my dd that was isolated and punished because of the other girls behaviour. To the schools credit they separated the girl and she was kept inside during breaks and not allowed in any group activities with my dd and my dd was paired up with who she wanted every time. Again shit parents whose responses were well they are just 10 year old girls…
Im not one of those annoying parents, I will back the school up if my child has played up, I am friendly and always happy to help at school but I will never stand by and let my child be bullied. All my DDs know and have seen me fighting their corner when it’s been needed. At the end of the day I’m my children’s voice, I need to speak for them until they can speak for themselves. Yes sometimes hugging and forgiving works in school squabbles but full on bullying needs dealing with properly.
Every incident OP you record, email the school as it’s recorded and they can’t forget it’s happened. And turn up every time demanding what’s going to happen what are they doing to keep your child safe. We are in a position to keep our DDs home if need be, believe me schools hate this as it effects their attendance rates.