Daughter refused transvaginal scan because of virginity

[Fej]

Our eldest daughter (19) has been experiencing a women's health issue that has required further investigation. She has been trying to get all of this done rather quickly, as she will moving abroad soon. When she went to have scans done, she was asked if she has ever had sex. After this question was asked, she was apparently told that they wouldn't be doing the transvaginal ultrasound, as they do not do them on women who are virgins. DD was very upset. She felt humiliated because the woman seemed surprised when she said no and even made a comment that she does not see that often with young women nowadays. DD has told me that she will just lie if asked in the future. It saddens me that she feels she has to lie to receive better treatment.

AIBU for feeling that this seems a very antiquated and outdated policy? Are they not aware that being a virgin does not necessarily mean that a woman has an intact hymen? Not to be vulgar but tampons and masturbation do exist. You would think that medical professionals would be aware of this. Someone shouldn't be denied superior medical care because of their sexual activity or lack thereof. Our daughters deserve better.

I agree with this too, ive had far too many TV scans in the last couple years and the only discomfort was where it was putting pressure on my large ovarian cyst. I would have a scan over a smear any day in terms of discomfort.

Is that the NHS, and have they offered an alternative with regards to diagnosing accurately, like through an MRI?

Almost unbelievable that they could speak to a young woman like this. Plenty of women are still virgins a lot older than 19.
If there was a practical problem doing the scan with an unbroken hymen, they should have checked her out without commenting.

(Some) Nurses and doctors can be very judgemental when you say that you’re a virgin and are older than 18. You can just tell from their tone, body language, and sometimes what they say. I experienced this when I was in my early 20s. I had a nurse ask me if there was a reason why I was ‘avoiding it’. Very strange.

I’m not sure why it’s assumed that a virgin wouldn’t be able to handle a smear, TV scan, etc. Not all virgins are traumatised by the thought of something going up there.

When I went on the pill I wasn't given a smear test for the same stated reason- but if your daughter wants it she should be able to insist.

I’m in my 40s and it’s checked once a year when I renew the prescription. They really should have checked yours!

I wouldn’t pay for it - just send her back to the GP or website and say she needs it for contraception now.

Yes, me too.

Nurse actually asked me if I’d suffered abuse at any stage so I think my reaction must have been worse than most women’s!
(I haven’t thankfully.)

I wasn’t a virgin but I hadn’t yet had my children when I had the scan.

We did consider that and may do it at some point.

Honestly the lack of check is far from the worst thing they have done to me, including something that should be checked every 3 years to monitor for pre-cancerous cells, I didnt find out I was even diagnosed with it for close to 12 years and that was only because I gained access to my medical records. I learned a few years back that I need to monitor my own healthcare. Just this year ive caught my newer GP try to prescribe me medication twice that could have had interactions/issues. Needless to say I have to be fully aware of everything happening around mine and my Daughters health. But I shan't derail any more.

This is some misogynistic bullshit. I'm a lesbian and have never been with a man- are they going to ban me too? You should just be told the risks/about any potential pain, and be allowed to make the choice. It seems to be based around some weird assumption that women give a flying fuck if their hymen is broken (spoiler: I suspect most don't).

Also, this doesn't take into account the fact that dildos etc are a thing!

Also I have had TV scans as part of IVF. The probe is NOT huge like some people are suggesting, there are certainly bigger sex toys knocking about lol. Smears are more painful imo. It doesn't really matter though, it should be about informed choice, not some bullshit outdated crap about keeping your 'virginity' in tact.

My DD had severe Endometriosis and had a TV at 15, this policy sounds unusual.

I had a pelvic exam before I’d had sex! Wow I never heard of this. I googled it and it actually said transrectal was an alternative!
Id be escalating this if it’s a necessary procedure.

This is pretty messed up. I've had lots of T/V USS in the past and found then perfectly manageable - until I had one post menopause, which was extremely uncomfortable, even painful, and resulted in bleeding and an infection. While this isn't that surprising with retrospect, I didn't expect it having never had problems before, no one warned me, and far from being extra careful, the sonographer (male) was actually pretty rough. Since the investigation was for post-menopausal bleeding there's no sense in which my status wasn't known.

So it looks like in the NHS we have a situation where younger women and those who haven't had penetrative sex are denied important care supposedly to spare them invasive/uncomfortable procedures, while older women can be rummaged around in as roughly as anyone fancies. (And as a point of interest no one asked me if I'd ever had sex.)

I agree with a pp that this is an issue Mumsnet should get behind, and I would personally support such a campaign.

I hope your daughter gets the care she needs, OP.

Well technically 0 bollocks

I'd get her to put a complaint in about the shaming comments re. her virginity. There's no way that's an appropriate way to talk to a patient (esp a patient in a vulnerable position where the info is not relevant in the slightest), I'd be very surprised if that's allowed in NHS policy

I'm a radiographer and perform CT abdo and CT colongraphy daily.

Of course the scan is cheaper, as it takes minutes and you don't need an anaesthetist to be there perform it.

I'm the first to call out unfair/lacking treatment and sexism in medicine.

But this reply shows how a small misunderstanding can lead the patient to thinking "hey I should have recieved x scan/treatment", when in fact that isn't the case.

Huh, I just assumed they didn't do it because it would be painful and more difficult.
They wouldn't do one on me when I said I was permanently closed for business! Although I'm over 50 and so passed the age where I care if anyone knows I'm a virgin (never bungee jumped either and I have zero interest in either past time!).😂
I was given an MRI instead.

Oh wow things have changed then. I’ve been having them since I was 13 due to gynaecological complications. I was a virgin, my dad had to give consent and take me but I always had a female chaperone (nurse) in all my appts and option for dad to be with me, I asked him to wait outside. All with nhs.

I would complain, especially about her comment and surprise at daughter being a virgin. Not okay and no place for her to comment on that. Agreed, our daughters deserve better and she should have a choice. Lying should not be one of them!

It’s because some virgins have hymen intact and to do an internal scan they would have to break it to get to where they need and that would cause pain and bleeding and also possibly offend the woman/girl as then there’s no “proof” of virginity anymore which is relevant in certain religions

Unfortunately, I’ve had loads of transvaginal ultrasounds and they are painful for me. Just as bad as a smear test. I’ve given birth too. Depends on the woman and the shape/tilt of her pelvis.

This is the reason the NHS trust I worked I didn’t do them.

This is about the need to prove virginity in certain religions. My friend had to on her wedding night with fake blood.

I am VERY surprised that they would say that when she was in the chair to have the procedeure. It would be in her medical notes as that is a screening question of reproductive health so if it was a contraindication to that treatment - which is isn't- they would have told her or discussed it with her before hand.

Also guys please educate yourselves and your daughters about hymens. The hymen in most females only covers the lower part of the vagina and is not "popped" on penetrative sex for the first time. There are alot of misogynistic bullshit about what a hymen is and what it isn't.

My GP tried to push me to have a coil and made me feel as though I was being awkward for refusing. That was for heavy periods and not for contraception. My sister had always head light periods, and hers became heavier and more painful after having the coil. I didn't want to risk being stuck with that. It's only because I told him that if I was a man he wouldn't be fobbing them off with a coil, he would find out the cause of the bleeding. Turned out that it was adenomyosis, fibroids and cervical polyps. I had a hysterectomy 4 weeks ago. I've not had the histology report back yet but my gynae told me that my uterus was very large and that she didn't believe that the coil would have helped me.

Despite it not being licensed, and possibly not working for that, GPs are pushing it on women who are having irregular or heavy bleeding. I'd be really surprised if my husband's niece is sexually active but she was put on contraception at 13. My mum was the same age. She tried every single contraceptive there was to reduce her periods, before they finally gave her the hysterectomy she'd been begging for at 32. My son's girlfriend was put on contraceptives at 12 because she suffers from decidual casts. GPs must be getting around it by lying saying that it's primarily being prescibed to prevent pregnancy. Probably because it's cheaper easier than finding out the actual cause of the problem.

I don't have the anatomy for that. But I have had a gastroscopy and I can confirm the constant gagging, retching, and not being able to breathe was a deeply unsettling experience.

So on the basis that gastroscopies are horrific, I don't see why there would ever be a medical basis for withholding a testing procedure on the basis that it's unpleasant.

How long has that been a policy? I had my first at 13/14, remember being absolutely terrified. Im 40 now