Daughter refused transvaginal scan because of virginity

[Fej]

Our eldest daughter (19) has been experiencing a women's health issue that has required further investigation. She has been trying to get all of this done rather quickly, as she will moving abroad soon. When she went to have scans done, she was asked if she has ever had sex. After this question was asked, she was apparently told that they wouldn't be doing the transvaginal ultrasound, as they do not do them on women who are virgins. DD was very upset. She felt humiliated because the woman seemed surprised when she said no and even made a comment that she does not see that often with young women nowadays. DD has told me that she will just lie if asked in the future. It saddens me that she feels she has to lie to receive better treatment.

AIBU for feeling that this seems a very antiquated and outdated policy? Are they not aware that being a virgin does not necessarily mean that a woman has an intact hymen? Not to be vulgar but tampons and masturbation do exist. You would think that medical professionals would be aware of this. Someone shouldn't be denied superior medical care because of their sexual activity or lack thereof. Our daughters deserve better.

I hope in the very least they don’t use the term “virgin”.

The hymen and infection reasonings do not make sense. It is rare for someone who has fully completed puberty and is over a certain age to have an intact hymen (with the exception of congenital abnormalities like imperforate hymens). Additionally, virginity has nothing to do with infection risk. The likelihood of a scan causing an infection is already very low. All of this is definitely dangerously harmful pseudoscience that shouldn't be spread.

My daughter was refused a coil to regulate her periods because she's a lesbian and not wanting it for contraception.. in this day and age.🤷‍♀️ it's getting worse.

I had one on Friday, he didn''t ask me if I was a virgin!😁 Just asked if I wanted one (I was supposed to have the external ultrasound, but apparently I hadn't drunk enough water, even though I felt like I'd had gallons)

Not a doctor but I would think they’re referring to all the bacteria that’s in a hospital that could come in contact with the broken hymen which is effectively a tear so not virginity making you less likely to get a vaginal infection.

There was a time tampons had a warning on that unmarried women were not to use them.
Sounds like times have not moved on much.

The mind boggles. What if someone had never had penetrative sex with a male, but has used sex toys? Would you have to go into that detail?

Seconded. I’ve had multiple trans vaginal scans and found them totally neutral experiences, wouldn’t call them even mildly unpleasant, let alone deeply unpleasant. Obviously people’s experiences vary, but I wanted to add to your post that they’re not deeply unpleasant for everyone.

She wasn't.

Also facing this issue here and the options given were MRI but is not as accurate or rectal ultrasound which sounds hideous. I’m quite worried about this whole thing. Abdominal scan wasn’t given as an option.

YANBU, that’s absolutely ridiculous.

I'm absolutely gobsmacked by this.

I'm so sorry your DD has had to deal with this.

If you want to take it further, I'm happy to stand with you. Feels like one of those things that Mumsnet users could make some big noise about in terms of policy change (totally appreciate that your DD's experience needs to take priority right now over wider social change, though – not saying this to overtake that at all!)

@JudyBlumesBlubberthey’re giving you some odd information there, a pelvic MRI is highly accurate. In the UK it would be extremely unusual to offer at transrectal scan (are you in Australia?). You could have tried an abdominal scan with a full bladder (sometimes the images are great, sometimes they’re not).
Sonographers are not trained to check whether or not someone’s hymen is intact, but could ask questions such as whether the patient uses tampons / has engaged in any form of penetrative sex / has had a speculum examination in the past etc. BMUS guidelines are to not preclude patients from a transvaginal scan if the patient consents, however not all hospitals have adopted this. Definitely worth a PALS contact to find out why they are going against guidance - and to get your daughter the care she needs ASAP

This is because it's only licenced as a contraceptive, so it can't be used for another reason.

Those transvaginal scan devices are HUGE, I must admit, I can see sort of see it from both sides. I find them unpleasant and I'm built like a wheelie bin.

My sister is a married lesbian, she has never had sex with a man because she is gay and now in her 50s. This is terrifying that she would be refused a transvaginal scan. I had one recently to check for fibroids. I found smear tests more unpleasant.

I find it appalling your DD was refused one, it is a medical procedure for investigation.

This may have something to do with the (archaic GP) funding for coils requiring them to be fitted for contraception. It was the same for any sort of contraception.

Exactly! I was wondering the same. What young woman is going to feel comfortable mentioning that they have masturbated/used sex toys before after only being asked if they have ever had sex? I know that I wouldn't have been brave enough to mention it to a sonographer at that age. I would argue that it's considered even more taboo than sex.

They need to just start asking if someone wants to have the transvaginal scan. That's the only question that should matter.

My best friend is in her 50s and had one fitted to help with her very heavy periods. Definitely not as a contraception.
Her body said no though, and ejected it a few days later.

Gastroscopies and colonoscopies are very invasive and extremely unpleasant, but that doesn't stop those procedures from being done.

I don't see why pain or discomfort should result in a test not being done, where the benefit outweighs the risk.

Why are you "obviously not a virgin!"?

You do realise other posters on here don't know who you are or anything about you?

I can not think of any procedure where someone would be denied it because it hurt too much. If it needs doing, it needs doing. And there should be a choice.

This just feels like outdated views on virginity being a massive thing. In 2026.

That seems unusual. When I was needed one at 19 I was offered external abdominal scan. Granted that was 25 years ago so things may have moved on (or not).

I’m really cross on your behalf, OP. I went to uni in the US, where smear tests are annual. I was waiting to have sex with someone I loved, which happened to be when I was 24. And I managed annual smears just fine from 19–the nurse was aware, used a small speculum, and went slowly. What a load of tosh—I really doubt the probe was the size of an XXL dildo! 😡

Am also gobsmacked! DD17 had an ultrasound for possible endo/heavy periods around a year ago. We discussed what she’d read around the procedure and what she wanted to get out of it. She’d already said if she was offered a vaginal scan she didn’t want it. One reason being that endo is notoriously difficult to pick up on ultrasound anyway and she didn’t feel it was worth it. I didn’t go in with her but she was offered it. Pretty certain she was a virgin.

Could this policy be in place because they're trying to be understanding of and sensitive to the beliefs of some religious groups? That's really the only reason that I can think of.