Daughter refused transvaginal scan because of virginity

[Fej]

Our eldest daughter (19) has been experiencing a women's health issue that has required further investigation. She has been trying to get all of this done rather quickly, as she will moving abroad soon. When she went to have scans done, she was asked if she has ever had sex. After this question was asked, she was apparently told that they wouldn't be doing the transvaginal ultrasound, as they do not do them on women who are virgins. DD was very upset. She felt humiliated because the woman seemed surprised when she said no and even made a comment that she does not see that often with young women nowadays. DD has told me that she will just lie if asked in the future. It saddens me that she feels she has to lie to receive better treatment.

AIBU for feeling that this seems a very antiquated and outdated policy? Are they not aware that being a virgin does not necessarily mean that a woman has an intact hymen? Not to be vulgar but tampons and masturbation do exist. You would think that medical professionals would be aware of this. Someone shouldn't be denied superior medical care because of their sexual activity or lack thereof. Our daughters deserve better.

Would someone who hasn’t been sexually active even know whether their hymen has been broken or not? I wouldn’t have known the answer to that question back then.

Having read some replies... I'm wondering if it's the doctor (or nurse) who doesn't feel personally comfortable with being responsible for piercing / tearing the hymen. Maybe there's some fear of litigation. I can't think what else it could be because it's not up to the staff member to decide if it's appropriate, you have a legal right to be treated according to your preferences (not to demand certain unavailable operations but in this case, to tell the team you want the procedure, even if they don't want to do it).

Ive bought it online now, they get you to check BP etc and go through health checks every 6 months online. Honestly its a lot more monitoring than I ever had, I started on the pill at 13 thanks to awful periods and I didnt have my blood pressure checked for years. In fact my blood pressure was only picked up as an issue in my mid thirties when I asked them to check it.

Very outdated practice. She should put in a complaint to PALS. They need to review their policy.

This has been my experience too. I’m not a virgin and might have been apprehensive if I was but I’ve had multiple transvaginal scans in the past few years and found them no more uncomfortable than an abdominal one.

I find transvaginal scans really uncomfortable and painful even though I’ve given birth. I’ve had loads of scans since I was around 20 so nearly ten years and I can see why the transvaginal scans aren’t routinely done on virgins.

Actually having a first experience of something entering vaginally that is a medical procedure rather than for fun can lead to vaginismus and lifelong issues. I’ve seen many patients over by nursing career that this has been the case through smears at an early age when not actually necessary etc. There is a strong link between this physical act and psychological trauma even if you do not realise this at the time. They obviously think the cons out weigh the pros and are highly unlikely to want to put themselves at risk of any negligence or litigation. I would be wanting to have a detailed discussion with the consultant in charge of the care. If you don’t ask you will never get answers.

I have had dozens of transvaginal ultrasound scans and so have many of my friends I've made during a long IVF journey and none have ever described that as deeply unpleasant.
In case this reply puts people off attending.

I have a retroverted uterus and sometimes have a bit of wriggling to do but it has never been painful.

I've had many, many TV scans and find them utterly mundane. The trans-ab scan is uncomfortable as you have to have a very full bladder, then they tell you to go and do a pee, you run, bent double, to the loo, and when you return relieved, honestly anything that happens is just fine!

Seriously, the dildo-cam is extremely slender and I can't imagine would be uncomfortable for anyone in mid-late teens who hadn't experienced penetration. I agree 100% that the refusal in this case is good old fashioned patriarchal rubbish, though perhaps they've had complaints from other patients who are very conservative??

Go with this - lesbians can never have a scan or a virgin at aged 40. Cancer sadly hits all ages. I would want to know more.

@overwork no, not in Australia but in the UK. It was a highly regarded private consultant whom she saw privately. The pelvic MRI she had wasn’t clear enough to diagnose the issue so they’re doing an ultrasound.
As I said, there is quite a bit of anxiety around this. If a non invasive ultrasound was an option, that would be her preference but the consultant seemed to suggest it wasn’t good enough. As there may be an operation looming, I think they need the best images possible.

Does anyone know of a way to relieve anxiety over the counter?

I agree with this! I hate smears and I barely even flinch at TV ultrasounds!

Choice is power. As a survivor of sexual trauma and assault im lucky that my GP and nurse know this - I do not have to repeat it their should be a mandatory box that all GP let have to click that is discussed for all gynaecologists/ vaginal / cervical / uti etc

eg

1. you the patient are in control you can give consent and withdraw consent at any tome
2. the purpose of this exam is a cervical smear to do ….
3. would you like a chaperone
4. is tjere anything I can do to make this easy
5. is there anything I need to be aware of I am already of your medical history (assault)
6. if at any time you want me to stop you can say stop or raise your hand I will stop immediately and withdraw the smear etc ….
7. let me know when you are ready
8. consent actively sought not pressurised during the procedure a regular check in how are you- am I ok to carry on etc

this is what my nurse did in my last smear everything was my choice and up to me

The alternative is a transabdominal ultrasound, which can be useful depending on if patient has a full bladder, the patient body habitus (size and shape) and what they are looking for. In the OPs case, it would be better to do the TA scan first. If the diagnosis can be reached, great. If not, go from there. A TV scan be be painful and upsetting for the patient, it makes sense to start with another option.

That's awful. I just had one and it was fine but I have had 2 children.

I agree with this. ^ IME and that of some people I know, they will always go for the more invasive option as it's cheaper.

I know a woman who was recently called in for a colonoscopy after finding blood in her poo and she refused it, (various personal reasons,) and so they gave her a CT scan. (With contrast.)

They will always offer the cheaper treatment. When she she looked into it, it turned out the colonoscopy costs the NHS about £350, and the scan (with contrast) about £900.

I have also found that they care less about women than they do men. In fact if men had to carry the babies and give birth, there would have been different alternatives to birth as we know it. There would have been loads of research and all sorts of advancements made. Even now, most pregnant women don't realise that you can demand a c-section without any health reasons. You have the right to request a planned (elective) Caesarean section in the UK, even if there is no medical reason for it. This is known as a 'maternal request caesarean.' And if you are over 30, I think most women should, as anyone having a baby past 30 has a greater risk of problems and issues with the birth.

Even with breastscreening (for cancer) they haven't advanced a single inch in 40 years. It's still the barbaric 'squashing your breasts flat between 2 big metal plates' procedure that they had in the 1980s. For this reason I have always refused breastscreening. Much to the annoyance of a few nurses and GPs at my GP medical practice.

And when I was 49 I had my last cervical smear.

Until they find a way to screen breasts that doesn't involve squashing my breasts as flat as a pancake (potentially damaging tender breast tissue and causing searing pain,) and cervical smears that don't involve shoving a speculum up my vagina and scraping my cervix, I don't want to know. With age (late 50s now) I have learned to say NO very easily, and make demands and complain if I feel I am not being treated very well. I'm old enough to remember when the doctor threatened to stop the birth control pill if I didn't have a cervical smear! Happened to loads of other women too.

@Fej I think it's odd that they wouldn't treat your daughter, and I don't blame her for saying she will lie next time.

I know a woman who was recently called in for a colonoscopy after finding blood in her poo and she refused it, (various personal reasons,) and so they gave her a CT scan. (With contrast.)
They will always offer the cheaper treatment. When she she looked into it, it turned out the colonoscopy costs the NHS about £350, and the scan (with contrast) about £900.

This can't be accurate. Firstly an abdo CT with contrast isn't an alternative to a colonoscopy, a CT colonoscopy (which uses CO2 instead of contrast) can be an alternative but isn't a first choice (less accurate and also no way to take a biopsy if anything is found). Second, CT is far far cheaper than colonoscopy as it takes a few minutes and you don't need to be in the operating theatre and go under anaesthetic.

@GlomOfNit Seriously, the dildo-cam is extremely slender and I can't imagine would be uncomfortable for anyone in mid-late teens who hadn't experienced penetration.

I have endometriosis in the POD and a retroverted uterus, I find TV ultrasounds, smears and penetrative sex absolutely excruciating.

I had a mirena coil fitted about 12 years ago for non contraceptive reasons.

It is absolutely accurate. I went with her when she had the CT scan!

Also, Cancer Research confirms you absolutely CAN have a CT scan as an alternative to a colonoscopy. (Which, frankly is grim.)

From Cancer research UK

Yes, you can have a CT scan as an alternative to a colonoscopy. It uses specialized X-ray equipment and computer software to create 2D and 3D images of your large intestine and rectum.

Seriously, Google is your friend... And the scan is NOT cheaper than the colonoscopy. Where on earth have you got this nonsense from?

I find smears very uncomfortable, painful at times, but not transvaginal scans at all. It’s interesting how different we all are.

I found it very painful and uncomfortable. And I'd never had any issues at all with smear tests. I was desperate for it to be over, frankly.

Keep fighting for the scan, OP. It’s ridiculous that they won’t carry one out because your DD is a virgin.

Also, in case it’s reassuring in any way- I’ve had a transvaginal scan twice and the procedure was not uncomfortable at all.

Yes, I'm with the smears are more painful than a TV scan group.