Tutor turned up at my house at 9.45pm over a negative Google review – what would you do?

[Booyou123]

Hi everyone

I’m still quite shaken up by this and would appreciate some thoughts and perspectives.

My son attended a private tutor for about a year at the start of Year 5 for the 11 plus exam. After we stopped using her services, I left an honest Google review based on our experience. It wasn’t abusive or offensive, just a negative review.

The tutor was extremely upset by it. She repeatedly called me and my husband, sent so many emotional voice notes and messages, and even contacted my sister-in-law (who also has used her tutoring services) multiple times because she knows her. She told my sister in law that if I don’t take the review down, she’s calling the police as I am violating her business.

The part that has really terrified and shocked me is that she then turned up unannounced at my house at around 9.45pm. She was banging on the door and windows, demanding to speak to me about the review. She was absolutely hysterical, crying and sending me messages begging me to take the review down.

My children were in the house and ran upstairs because they were scared. My son was crying and very frightened, and asked why his teacher was there banging on the door.

I called the police afterwards and was advised to document everything. They couldn’t deploy anyone as they had some major incident in Woolwich, London. They told me that if there were further incidents, the behaviour could potentially amount to harassment.

Since then, she has sent a message apologising for coming to my house, saying she will never do it again and won’t contact me further.

What is bothering me most is that she only knew where we lived because of her professional relationship with our family. I can’t get past the feeling that using a client’s address to turn up at their home over a Google review is a huge breach of professional boundaries, maybe even DBS and goodness knows what else.

Part of me thinks I should just accept the apology and move on. Another part of me feels this was so inappropriate that I should take it further. She’s a woman who runs a professional tutoring company, and she was completely unhinged.

What would you do in my position?

Ignore anyone on here backing her. She provided you with a service, you didn’t think it was up to scratch so you quite rightly left an honest review. Her reaction absolutely IS unhinged and downright threatening.

It doesn’t surprise me people have tried to defend her here though. I was called unhinged and told I needed therapy a few years ago on here when I posted about my former driving instructor. I’d told him I no longer required his services as it wasn’t working out - simple as that. A couple of weeks later he turned up outside my house and just sat there in his car for about an hour. Absolutely zero reason to be near my home at all and it’s not the sort of street people casually drive down, he’d have had to go out of his way… What creeped me out most of all was he did he around the time I’d usually have to leave to get my DC from school but MIL was collecting them.

Anyway suffice to say I was freaked out and I informed the driving school. I played it down to them like “perhaps he forgot I’d cancelled our lessons and was waiting” which was clearly bollocks. I got absolutely rinsed on Mumsnet for doing this whereas everyone IRL agreed it was creepy and weird.

You're just guessing. We don't know what the full picture is. The OP should have posted exactly what she wrote in the review for people to try and understand both sides.

There is no situation where a professional turning up at the home of someone who hired their services, banging and hysterical about a review is understandable and appropriate.

Nothing op said would have excused or explained this woman's behaviour

If she wasn't happy with the review, she should have left a comment on the review explaining her side. Not harassed op and her family

Yes, I agree the tutor was totally out of order going to her house like that. But what did the OP say about her that made her act like that, like she had plummeted to rock bottom and to not think rationally?

Not tutoring but I had an Etsy shop for a long time and spent time on Etsy sellers FB groups. So many lost their minds for just receiving a four star review nevermind a one star one. They would send emails to the customer demanding to know why and to change the stars but also refusing to accept the feedback given. The mindset was very much how very dare they. I can totally see how this happened with OP.

And yes this thread is bonkers. As per PP it’s because the OP made the mistake to mention 11+, certain Mumsnet demographic can’t bear that.

Thank you for leaving an honest review. I agree that it's important to make other people aware when you've had a negative experience with a service provider.

This woman absolutely crossed boundaries. I am appalled. Agree that you don't want to escalate online, but hopefully if other local parents ask you for your views, you will feel able to at least tell them about her genuinely unhinged behaviour.

She employs 9 other people. Assuming each tutor sees 10 kids, and each family is paying these inflated £1k per month fees, she is raking in over a million quid per year. This isn’t some poor penniless mum trying to make ends meet with a little tutoring on the side.

I totally agree @Honeybee2529 , I would like to see exactly what was written to elicit such a reaction.
I greatly suspect that the OP is being economical with truth, we’re being fed a sanitised version in order to paint the tutor in as black a picture as possible.
It puzzles me that, as an experienced teacher, it took the OP a year to realise that her DS wasn’t benefiting from the tutoring.

Wow, a lot of really aggressive posts on this thread.

OP - I would be shaken with the experience you have received and not what you expect from a professional business involved with children. You were perfectly justified to leave a review especially as feedback had been given, its not personal or unprofessional but factual based on your experience and from the follow up actions, feeling very justified. I am horrified by how much money you have had to pay for the tutoring - hoping your son gets the results in September.

I would step back now and ignore!

You’re right about tutoring for the 11+, as with many exams that have specific requirements, which is often what the tutoring is for, rather than the raw subject matter.

They are only saying a parent or any teacher should be able to do it because they think it makes them sound smarter. Plus, there’s a misconception generally about why people use tutors for a variety of reasons. It’s also common for parents to get tutors for subjects their children are excelling in, for instance.

You're right. It makes the whole post pretty pointless, as we don't know what actually happened.
That's probably why it just keeps going round and round in circles. OP seems to keep repeating herself and so do all the posts, saying one way or another that the tutor should not have behaved like that .

you are a horrible person

I treat people with kindness and empathy

Oh the irony. Where is your empathy for the OP? Who had somebody turn up at night, banging on her door, scaring her children. Most people would be freaked out by that. And the OP is absolutely not responsible for the tutor‘s mental health. The tutor reacted in an highly abnormal way to a bad review and it is up to her to seek help if she has any mental health issues. Your post lacks any form of understanding or empathy.

This is the million dollar question!
I think there's not one person acting out of order but two.....

Please share the real review, as you seem to know so much!

Do you understand that if she posted the exact review it might be traceable? Potentially exposing both the OP and the tutor? People might then track down the tutor and write negative comments about her online and further affect her mental health. Do you know how the Internet works?

I’m amazed by some of the bonkers replies you have had here. Online reviews are the best way for people to find out about tutors, and you were well within your rights to leave your review.

How the tutor responded was batshit and really concerning.

her mental health is hers to manage, not yours. I’d be concerned about her being in charge of children too.

It certainly makes sense to have tutor recommendations by word-of-mouth. Clearly the online recommendations are not to be believed.

Why didn't she answer the door?
Her husband was at home. Why couldn't he deal with it?
My husband would simply have told the tutor to 'Hop it' .
Or was he hiding behind the sofa too?
So many questions. So few answers.

The exam might not have taken place yet, but I think it's pretty obvious he's not ready for it and you're taking it out on the tutor.

Initially, on reading your Op, I was going to agree with pp and say to add it to your review (although confused why you used her for a year if she was that bad). But upon reading your updates, and knowing her other reviews are positive, I think it's reasonable to assume that you've probably been out of line in your negative review.

Maybe because the knocking was aggressive? Maybe she didn’t want a confrontation in the house with young kids there?

Do you seriously think this is normal and acceptable behaviour from anyone, never mind a professional? Do you deal with situations in life this way? Goodness.

If the course content wasn't going to be covered within the time frame, a successful teacher would have seen that coming months ahead. Instead, there seem to be a number of students who have all run out of time unless their parents pay much more money than originally agreed. This is just not something that happens in a reputable teaching company. The lack of other negative reviews indicates nothing in light of the OP's experience of trying to leave one. This is unlikely to have been the first time this has happened.

I'm not quite sure why you think opening the door to an unhinged person and telling them to hop it would have de-escalated that situation. Or why one would be obliged to respond in that way.

Yes. I deal with the consequences of my actions. Read my comments about the plumber. I threw him out of my house. I wasn't intimidated by a tall heavily built man.

I am quite capable of dealing with a hysterical woman. I would have answered the phone when she rang me. I would have justified my bad review. Assuming that the bad review can be justified.

I am now even beginning to doubt that she was hysterical and shouting and banging. It was very late to be calling round but I've had amazon parcels arrive later.

Wtf?? How did mumsnet try to justify this?