Tutor turned up at my house at 9.45pm over a negative Google review – what would you do?

[Booyou123]

Hi everyone

I’m still quite shaken up by this and would appreciate some thoughts and perspectives.

My son attended a private tutor for about a year at the start of Year 5 for the 11 plus exam. After we stopped using her services, I left an honest Google review based on our experience. It wasn’t abusive or offensive, just a negative review.

The tutor was extremely upset by it. She repeatedly called me and my husband, sent so many emotional voice notes and messages, and even contacted my sister-in-law (who also has used her tutoring services) multiple times because she knows her. She told my sister in law that if I don’t take the review down, she’s calling the police as I am violating her business.

The part that has really terrified and shocked me is that she then turned up unannounced at my house at around 9.45pm. She was banging on the door and windows, demanding to speak to me about the review. She was absolutely hysterical, crying and sending me messages begging me to take the review down.

My children were in the house and ran upstairs because they were scared. My son was crying and very frightened, and asked why his teacher was there banging on the door.

I called the police afterwards and was advised to document everything. They couldn’t deploy anyone as they had some major incident in Woolwich, London. They told me that if there were further incidents, the behaviour could potentially amount to harassment.

Since then, she has sent a message apologising for coming to my house, saying she will never do it again and won’t contact me further.

What is bothering me most is that she only knew where we lived because of her professional relationship with our family. I can’t get past the feeling that using a client’s address to turn up at their home over a Google review is a huge breach of professional boundaries, maybe even DBS and goodness knows what else.

Part of me thinks I should just accept the apology and move on. Another part of me feels this was so inappropriate that I should take it further. She’s a woman who runs a professional tutoring company, and she was completely unhinged.

What would you do in my position?

this is her time to quit tutoring and find a job that is suited for her poor mental health. No excuse. She deals with kids

And being frightened because their tutor (a supposedly safe and trusted adult) is banging on their door and windows, shouting at 9:45 pm?

Exactly, so there is more to this than meets the eye, and more still, I don’t doubt.
Posters who don’t think you are acting sensibly are definitely not ‘rage baiting.’
It appears you have been told your son needs extra help to master the work that’s been covered by the tutor, as well as by the school and also yourself, from your posts.
You were invited to buy an expensive intensive package to rectify this.
You’re under no obligation to accept.
I think it may be helpful to suggest perhaps he’s not going to pass the 11-plus?
I don’t think you’re helping your own mental state, or the poor lad’s happiness and confidence.
Why can’t you just forget the tutor who’s issued a decent apology?
Let everyone get on with their lives and perhaps drop all the paid coaching ?

I, too, am 60 something and wtf kind of pompous post is this? Who are you to disparage OP and her child in this way? Just a revolting level of smug.

I feel sorry for the little boy, who clearly is not gifted, being tutored like this for some place in a school where he will struggle to keep up. I feel for any child pushed like this. Was it not said somewhere on this thread he has been having private tutoring for three years? He's in primary school. I think it's sad.

‘pompous ..,disparage ..,smug.’

hardly!😳

I'm sorry you have had such a hard time on this thread. I read this last night but didn't comment. I'm horrified by her turning up at your house! I am also preparing a child for 11+. You put trust in the tutor to a) know what they are doing academically and b) show care to your child. A professional reply to your review is appropriate, even if you disagree with the content. Harassing you is not ok. I would lose my job and probably be struck off if I turned up at a client's house like that!

I hope you can relax from the stress of this and I wish your DS all the best in his 11+ test when it comes.

I don't know where the OP lives, but where I live because so many pupils are heavily tutored, those who aren't often struggle to get a place. We are not sure if DD will score high enough for a place (allocated on score, not distance). She has sat easily at the top of her class since Reception, and I have no doubt she would thrive at the school (I went there) but we haven't tutored and she is not fast enough or accurate enough with tricky Maths problems that often make me stop and think.

I agree it's sad, and I am disillusioned with the system, but you can't assume from OPs posts that this child will struggle. What OP is doing is perfectly normal in certain areas and she is pushing back against the insane suggestions from the tutor to do 10 hours in a weekend! I personally know people getting their kids to do 2-3 hours a night. We have taken a stand against this, but may have a very disappointed DD when places are offered and others get the school she wanted, and would have done well at.

The original poster has received service from the person for many months. And the service provider here has had many good reviews. Something has happened between the original poster and the service provider, of which the original poster may not have told the full story here.

This reminds me of the restaurant industry where a close contact of ours worked as a regional manager to a small group of restaurants. The threats there were blatant "Give us free food or we leave a bad review".

The difference in this thread is that the service is one-to-one and the dynamics of power are different.

Are you in any way involved in this? This comment is completely out of touch with what actually happened.
Even if the bad review was left unfairly, the ONLY way to deal with it is to leave a counter-comment. Simple. There is no way to prevent bad reviews, as people's expectations vary. Good businesses don't fail because of a few negative reviews—they have an overwhelming number of positive ones that speak for themselves.
This woman owns a tutoring business, yet her behaviour raises serious questions about whether she is suitable to be in a position teaching and working with children.
And frankly, I WOULD REPORT HER TO THE POLICE.

Absolutely. We were helping a kid get into their GCSE for U.K., there is a Mumsnet thread under our name. We received the usual flak.

We feel sorry for the little boy. And the fault does not lie with the parent, it is how the system, both of giving education, the exams and future employment are dictated.

There is simply no reason to believe that @SuratNuJaman The OP used a service and paid for it but learned late in the process that the standard was inadequate and that unexpected high fees would be extracted to (supposedly) remediate the poor tutoring. The OP did not request a refund and the tutors response was inappropriate even if she had. Its a business and the owner of the business has many legal recourses if she felt the OP had acted improperly.

You tried to resolve it and were dismissed so you wrote an honest review which you were well within your rights to. Turning up at your door and harassing you is bang of order and it sounds as though she shouldn't be a teacher. That's scary.

I mean… a take away can offer excellent service for months, have lots of great reviews , but if they fuck up one order for whatever reason and the(previously satisfied) client goes into anaphylactic shock should that not be mentioned? Because livelihood and they were happy with the place before?

OP noticed issues in May (there’s another poster on MN currently whose child has been tutored for 3 years with no significant progress!!) . A certain time lapse before realising there are issues in tutoring can be pretty normal, especially if the tutor is a smooth talker . Anyway, she noticed issues , she discussed them with to tutor, she was dismissed. She then ended their arrangement and left a review of her experience, the good and the bad. She has the right to do that. Done and dusted.

What she didn’t do, was harass the teacher with numerous phone calls, harass the teacher’s family, turn up at her door banging and shouting, demanding refunds etc. She didn’t get other parents to ring the tutor and plead her case because of her ADHD/RSD . All OP’s actions are in the realm of normal. The tutor’s weren’t. It’s that simple.

Ignore the goady people and ones who haven't read your thread.

You can guarantee that if you'd posted 'Someone left a review saying xxxxx about my tutoring - was IBU to constantly phone then go to their house and repeatedly knock on the door' everyone would be saying it was wrong and what if the client had anxiety, what if the child was affected etc, the review was factual, etc.

Some people are determined that the OP is at fault, no matter what. And they will happily 'review' your behaviour in scathing terms, while telling you it's wrong to do this to others...

Even worse that you'd already raised it with her and she'd dismissed it with BS and just carried on.

Eh?
Involved?
No!

I’m simply someone who is looking at it from a bit of a MH perspective and not your pov.

Also a person who has personal experience of 11 plus and its ramifications, albeit long ago ( though not much seems to have changed).

So you’re saying then if a judge thought the review was unfair they’d think the tutor’s behaviour was acceptable?

Thats like saying if a judge thought a woman was unfair turning a man down for sex then it’s acceptable that the man went ahead and raped her

Quite.

Agree.

It was probably cathartic to write a negative review, but the outcome may have been more positive for all concerned if you handled it differently. She may have another point of view.
Possibly would have been best to speak to her first, rather negatively affect her business.
Agree that she's (now) unhinged.

harrassment can NOT be excused. Whats wrong with you? If it was me I would have called the Police 100%. The lady that made this post is too gentle and is getting comments from people like you to shush her and shame her. Shame on YOU

OP did speak directly to her! Her concerns /issues were dismissed.

Ah okay. CBA to RTFT

Well after 32 pages, reading the OP’s comments at least is advisable. Otherwise you look a bit silly.

FGS, Susan, what's the matter?
I've explained my thinking and it's different from yours.
Now leave it alone, please.

Shame on YOU