Tutor turned up at my house at 9.45pm over a negative Google review – what would you do?

[Booyou123]

Hi everyone

I’m still quite shaken up by this and would appreciate some thoughts and perspectives.

My son attended a private tutor for about a year at the start of Year 5 for the 11 plus exam. After we stopped using her services, I left an honest Google review based on our experience. It wasn’t abusive or offensive, just a negative review.

The tutor was extremely upset by it. She repeatedly called me and my husband, sent so many emotional voice notes and messages, and even contacted my sister-in-law (who also has used her tutoring services) multiple times because she knows her. She told my sister in law that if I don’t take the review down, she’s calling the police as I am violating her business.

The part that has really terrified and shocked me is that she then turned up unannounced at my house at around 9.45pm. She was banging on the door and windows, demanding to speak to me about the review. She was absolutely hysterical, crying and sending me messages begging me to take the review down.

My children were in the house and ran upstairs because they were scared. My son was crying and very frightened, and asked why his teacher was there banging on the door.

I called the police afterwards and was advised to document everything. They couldn’t deploy anyone as they had some major incident in Woolwich, London. They told me that if there were further incidents, the behaviour could potentially amount to harassment.

Since then, she has sent a message apologising for coming to my house, saying she will never do it again and won’t contact me further.

What is bothering me most is that she only knew where we lived because of her professional relationship with our family. I can’t get past the feeling that using a client’s address to turn up at their home over a Google review is a huge breach of professional boundaries, maybe even DBS and goodness knows what else.

Part of me thinks I should just accept the apology and move on. Another part of me feels this was so inappropriate that I should take it further. She’s a woman who runs a professional tutoring company, and she was completely unhinged.

What would you do in my position?

Personally I think she needs to get a grip. Bad reviews are always a possibility when running a business which provides a service. It comes with the territory. If she can’t handle that she needs to change career. I say this as a business owner.

I certainly wouldn’t be taking down your review. I’d be posting on all local Facebook tutoring pages advising everyone to avoid using her and also reporting her to all professional bodies for using work to obtain your address.

£800 a month! 10 hours work in a weekend!
Honestly she sounds like a scammer.

Sounds like she knows how to extort money from well-meaning parents, and you have called her up on it. Good for you.
She will just have to live with the review now and her response, and maybe will change her ways.

Oh trust me, the majority will be teachers. Its the same reaction to any and every post criticising a teacher. Soon to be followed by the ones who claim 'No wonder so many are leaving the profession' blah blah. Use the search button to see for yourself.

Id be saying exactly what I’m saying here. The parents who pay this much money over this amount of time to squeak their children into schools they sound unlikely to cope with are total saps.

1k a month is crazy, what’s happened to buying a few practice books from WH Smith (TG Jones or whatever it’s called now)?

I sometimes wonder if the people here would have the guts to say the things they’ve said online to my face. Insulted my son, assumed his ability

I don't think there would be any stretch involved in assuming your son's ability in maths is not crash hot, given he is not doing well after many months of intensive extra one-on-one teaching. You are paying out to my mind unimaginable sums of money to force him as a round peg into a square hole. I would be quite happy to point this out to you face to face, though it is clear you wouldn't like to hear it. It's such an obvious fact.

I wonder if you are the tutor herself!

You seriously think she acted professionally by banging on the door and windows of OP's home at 9.45pm at night?

The woman sounds like a con artist trying to extort £1K per MONTH out of parents. Thank goodness the OP had the guts to withdraw her son and call the con woman out on it.

If the tutor was so concerned about her business, she wouldn't have acted like an unhinged crazy woman in the first place. She's have addressed the issues that the OP had privately raised in the first instance.

@Booyou123 is she regulated by Ofsted? I'd make a formal complaint to them citing all of her behaviour.

It does not matter. NONE of that excuses her turning up at OP’s address at night and calling all her relatives and harassing her.

I mean, personally I'd argue that constantly phoning OP and telling her to take the review down before actually showing up at OP's house and frightening her children makes the tutor unsuitable to be around children.... Call me old fashioned but.....

I’d take the review down. She’s obviously unhinged and I wouldn’t want any part of what might come next.

I would take the review down for a peaceful life. Being correct often counts for nothing.

She is clearly rather unstable and it’s probably about other things going on in her life and this tipped her over the edge.

I can't get over the replies on this thread - I genuinely can't.

In what world is leaving a bad review a perfectly acceptable reason to have someone - anyone - from any type of business - anywhere - calling repeatingly and banging on the door at 9.45pm!

Out of interest OP - how many stars did you give her on google? If it was a mixed review was it a 3 star rating or did you go in hard with 1 stars? Not that it matters but maybe a 1 star review was a trigger.

Perhaps you could amend the star rating rather than the written part to find a way of appeasing her and the situation a way of diffusing it all purely for your own welfare while still being honest in the detail.

I'd inform your school too - class teacher and head. Just say we used a tutor for x child for 11+ prep, wasn't happy, left a poor review - tutor turned up/called relentless. You've escalated to police but they should be aware to keep eyes open.

Quite astonishing so many people trying to scaremonger the OP into taking the review down. Quite transparent too........

OP if this teacher also teaches in a school, you have a duty to advise the school's BOM of her actions. Its up to them how they deal with it. If the tutor feels she has done nothing wrong, then she's nothing to worry about.

Wouldn't you have wanted to know this before signing up? If she always persuades people like you to remove the negative reviews then the cycle will continue. If she isn't able to handle fair criticism then she shouldn't be in that job.

From what we're told by OP, the tutor has some complicated psychiatric condition.
Obviously the behaviour is unbalanced.
What I'm saying is that I think OP's behaviour MAY have been unreasonable, which is what triggered the tutor's behaviour. Plus of course, there will be other things we don't know.
Nobody is going to say that the tutor's behaviour is 'justified'.
The other side is that many, many people in this country suffer from psychiatric conditions, and, as a pp said, they still need to find employment, or be a burden on the taxpayer.
It's tempting to let rip anonymously on the internet, but , OP has found out, this may come back to bite you.

I’m afraid I’ve only read your comments and only a few from the replies which were negative.
This tutor is in a position of trust and from a safeguarding aspect shouldn’t be engaging with children after your experience.
The fact she reacted like this illustrates how unhinged she is.
she obviously needs help and the fact another tutor who contacted you who knows what went on, should be directing her concerns directly to your ex tutor rather than you.
I think you’re in a very difficult situation. Leaving the review risks her mental health deteriorating and further erratic behaviour and taking it down means she continues to fleece further parents and potentially repeat her behaviour.
You're between a rock and a hard place.

I only read your posts OP, I’m of the view that you did the right thing, the review has to stay and I wouldn’t give a fuck about protecting her business or her mental health, yes, I understand we need to be compassionate to those who have mental health issues but we should not forget how many people with mental health issues end up in prison after losing plot and doin very bad things.

What if she loses it like that when she is unsupervised working with children? What if this is not the first time she is harrasing a family? What if some others have been intimidated to remove bad reviews?

She shouldn’t be left alone with children who may feel afraid to talk about issues if she loses her rag with them. As a parent, I would like to know, I wouldn’t want her near my child or my family. I would go back and put another review about the harassment or pester the police to take your complaint seriously.

OP, this post is an excellent summary. If you had included this in your original post, you would have received a lot more support. I feel bad now for thinking you were simply being overly critical of the tutor. After reading this, I am on your side. I am so sorry you went through all this.

Obviously the tutor who contacted you will have been asked to do that by the tutor you employed. She's obviously quite desperate for the review to be removed so she can keep her scam going.

How many others has she done and will continue to do this to........

Take this further OP.

If she is mentally unstable, she should not be anywhere near children.

Of course they wouldn't. It's why we're all addicted. It allows us a freedom we don't have in the 'real world'. And why it's as toxic as hell.

If we lost social media tomorrow it would be an absolute gift to humanity.

I am actually gobsmacked at the amount of PP saying that OP has destroyed this woman's business and put 9 tutors out of work by leaving a negative review.

Seriously?!

One review can't ruin a business.

If her review is basically an honest account of OP's and her son's experience, then it should stand.
Other parents have apparently had similar experiences, so it's also not as if OP's was a one-off.

The tutor's reaction was completely unjustified.
If she genuinely does have mental health issues she really does need help.

I do wonder, though, given that other parents of tutees were told the same as OP ie more lessons needed for an extra cost, if that is actually this tutor's modus operandi.
Given that parents are super-motivated (they want their child to get a grammar school place), and have already spent £x, it would probably be the case that most if not all parents would pay the extra at this point in the lead up to the exam.

Another tutor ringing OP to plead the orinal tutor's case is also out of order.
That tutor should be encouraging her to get help, not trying to get her off the hook.

As regards the general issue of tutoring to get a child through the 11+, I can only speak about how it was 20 years ago.

The tests were not like regular school tests, and required particular techniques to successfully complete them.
Every child had a few practice runs at school, but such was the value of a grammar school place that almost all parents ensured their child had extra practice.

This could be done by parents themselves using test practice books, or by paying a tutor, which many did.
So by giving your child extra tutoring you were actually ensuring a level playing field.
To reiterate, this is how it was in my area 20-ish years ago.

I don't know anything about OP'S son's academic level. I can't predict how well he might do at a grammar school, and neither can any other MN reading this thread.

Good luck, @Booyou123 , I hope your son ends up in the school that is best for him.

Planet earth - you?

THIS 100%

In truth I think I would update the review saying thanks for your reply, I wish you had been as professional when you were banging on my windows and doors late at night scaring us and my children.

Ignore the haters op. They will always sadly hate, think their is something lacking in their lives.

I would have phoned the police and seen about getting a restraining order - she is totally unhinged. WTH!