Tutor turned up at my house at 9.45pm over a negative Google review – what would you do?

[Booyou123]

Hi everyone

I’m still quite shaken up by this and would appreciate some thoughts and perspectives.

My son attended a private tutor for about a year at the start of Year 5 for the 11 plus exam. After we stopped using her services, I left an honest Google review based on our experience. It wasn’t abusive or offensive, just a negative review.

The tutor was extremely upset by it. She repeatedly called me and my husband, sent so many emotional voice notes and messages, and even contacted my sister-in-law (who also has used her tutoring services) multiple times because she knows her. She told my sister in law that if I don’t take the review down, she’s calling the police as I am violating her business.

The part that has really terrified and shocked me is that she then turned up unannounced at my house at around 9.45pm. She was banging on the door and windows, demanding to speak to me about the review. She was absolutely hysterical, crying and sending me messages begging me to take the review down.

My children were in the house and ran upstairs because they were scared. My son was crying and very frightened, and asked why his teacher was there banging on the door.

I called the police afterwards and was advised to document everything. They couldn’t deploy anyone as they had some major incident in Woolwich, London. They told me that if there were further incidents, the behaviour could potentially amount to harassment.

Since then, she has sent a message apologising for coming to my house, saying she will never do it again and won’t contact me further.

What is bothering me most is that she only knew where we lived because of her professional relationship with our family. I can’t get past the feeling that using a client’s address to turn up at their home over a Google review is a huge breach of professional boundaries, maybe even DBS and goodness knows what else.

Part of me thinks I should just accept the apology and move on. Another part of me feels this was so inappropriate that I should take it further. She’s a woman who runs a professional tutoring company, and she was completely unhinged.

What would you do in my position?

I wondered the same.

I think it says more about you that you have imagined a whole fantasy scenario based on the limited information the op originally gave.

The kid hasn’t even taken his 11+ yet. It’s in September.

I wouldn’t take it down. Her mental health issues aren’t your problem. If she doesn’t want negative reviews she should be better at the job she‘s fleecing people fortunes for. £600 a month for primary level tutoring?! Wtf! I didn’t pay anything like that for tutoring at Scottish Higher level for my kids

You don’t have to wonder , that question has been answered many times.

Reading the OP’s posts would help you with this wondering.

Nobody wants to potentially ruin someone's life, but I think you're totally right in saying that this behaviour is concerning (to say the least) for someone that works with children.
I'm sure as a teacher you've had your fair share of criticism from parents and I'm sure much of it is not really deserved and just their opinion, however I'm presuming that you haven't then looked up their address and then confronted them about it in an aggressive way. And I'm sure if you did, you would almost certainly as a minimum lose your job and potentially be banned from teaching again.
Any business owner should be prepared to receive negative reviews, some will be deserved and an opportunity to learn, others will be exaggerated or completely fake, but one negative review is not going to define a business. The correct course of action if she disagreed was to reply to the review with her perspective in a professional manner, which it sounds like she has now.
If it is a large company, is there anyone above her you could contact? Or some sort of regulatory body for tutoring? I understand you're worried about any further retaliation, but maybe there is a way you could do it anonymously so that anyone could have reported her. I'd like to think that if other tutors know about it, one of those would have already reported it.

I feel sorry for the kid, imagine how unhinged the parent is going to be if they don’t pass the 11+.
nuts paying £800 a month for a private tutor on top of schooling all to be the best of the best. Poor child.
I can only imagine how bad the review was.

Although also crazy that the tutor went to the house.

This. I would pursue harassment through police and through civil avenues (I’d get a lawyer to send her cease and desist letter).

ICO is really good shout because she definitely misused personal data

and if department of education has jurisdiction over her (not sure they regulate private tutors?) I would complain there as well

she deserves to have her business reputation completely ruined IMO

What I want to know OP is...how on earth did this tutor command so much money?!!
I've been a qualified primary teacher for 24 years with a SEND specialism and my hourly tuition rate is around £32 ph!!

Well, what I apparently lack in imagination you certainly make up for in patronising.

I wouldn't remove the review. If she only has positive reviews it's obviously because of this behaviour. If she contacted me again, I would be factual and update the review to say that within 3-4 hrs of posting this review I received x calls, my husband received x calls, my SIL received x calls and tutor showed up at my house at 9.45pm, causing distress to my children.

MH is not an excuse for this behaviour. Anyone reading what the OP wrote can balance it against the positive reviews.

I'm always sceptical if businesses do not have negative reviews. It's not realistic.

'In May we were told, he needed intensive tuition at a cost of 800 pounds a month to really get him to the next level and push those scores to 90 percent. Mutiple parents were give this exact same message. After checking my son’s books, I found it was just cramming content that should have been covered in existing lessons. '

As I'm reading this, it means that the topic has been covered, but several families have been told that their children needed intensive practice to be able to successfully answer questions in these topics. Ie they were the lower performing students. This all sounds professional and good tutoring.

I cannot understand the amounts of money involved. OP did not have to pay. Particularly, I can't understand paying this if one is already a teacher. It's not brain surgery, is it? It's basic maths and there were always loads of workbooks in my day.

Surely the agency were doing the right thing by saying he needed more practice if he was going to be successful in that level? She could have chosen to do the practice at home.

By reading OP's post on the disappointing (to her) DC's party, which DC and others thought was wonderful, and her bad review on several sites, claims that it was dangerous (no break for drinks for 10 year olds), with complaint to trading standards, we have to assume OP's behaviour here , too, was disproportionate, and, sadly, triggered the tutor's MH condition.

Like it or not, some people are fragile, and bad reviews should be written with restraint to avoid unpleasantness.

I wouldn't remove the review- if anything she is potentially causing a lot of mental harm - putting this much pressure on children that they need all these extras to pass.

I would send her a message to ask her to stop harassing you for the review, if she does not then you will have no option but to post a further review regarding recent events as this her behaviour quite frankly is inappropriate on many levels.

We should have been told that the number of maths lessons he was doing was not sufficient to cover the content, and now he’s behind.

It's basic maths, not rocket science. Maybe it's time to accept the boy has no aptitude for the subject.

As many parents got the same message as you, it also sounds like this is her business model. Rely on the sunk costs fallacy where parents think they've already spent x so it would be wasting that money if they didn't now invest in additional lessons.

If you're spending £1,000 a month to tutor your child for the 11+, it's wasted money. If he's not clever enough to pass on his own merit, he'll struggle as soon as he starts there and it's not fair on him.

If you are a teacher, you should tutor him yourself. Even if you're only a primary school teacher, you should be able to do this, because an 11+ exam is designed to be taken by a 10/11 year old, i.e. a primary school child.

I'd stop this now and let him be a kid. You're putting a lot of pressure on him and you probably ought to take a step back and work out why that is.

When someone posts a scenario like this there are 2 options: (a) the person you’re dealing with is completely crazy, or (b) your take is significantly different from theirs.

I don’t think we’re going to hear the other side of the story in this case.

I agree with others that the priority here shouldn’t be to speak your truth on Google above all else. You don’t want your son to be tutored by her anymore, end of story. Just disengage to avoid further conflict.

What’s really shocking is you are a teacher yourself and don’t seem to realise that if your child needs this level of extra tuition to stand a chance of ‘passing’ they should not be attending the particular school you have in mind. See it so often - why set your kid up to eventually fail? You might keep up with extra tuition at gcse maybe, even some manage it through all A-levels….but I’m currently witnessing the fall out of a kid who’s been unrealistically supported through all of these and is now having a breakdown because they’ve got a 2:2 at Uni. They genuinely believe their life is over because for the first time Mummy & Daddy haven’t been able to pay to top up and only top grades are worth it. No real world resilience whatsoever. Do your child a favour and send them somewhere they’ll fit in academically. Straight As don’t make success, the person does.

Honestly I think you should take it further. Parents have a right to know that an adult they've placed their trust in saw fit to come to your home address, essentially making threats and frightening your children because you said something she didn't like. Would you let it go if it was a teacher at your kids' school?
Whatever she's going through shouldn't be affecting her professional conduct. And if she behaves this way in public, what might she be saying to kids in a one to one setting?
Of course it's hurtful to see negative feedback but a well balanced adult would have felt a bit crap, licked their wounds and then reflected on the feedback, taken it on board and hopefully adjusted how the operate in future, not had a full on tantrum and rushed round to your house!
Yes, she apologised, but how many women excuse abusive men because they apologised for hitting them? Apologising on one occasion doesn't make anything ok.
I'm really sorry you've been experiencing this.

OP you said you are a teacher and as a user of MN, you must be aware that the majority of the replies condeming you and defending the tutor will be from fellow teachers. They will post in droves, shout you down, tell you that you are wrong, tell you to remove the review and they will bang on and on until they wear your down. Its their tried and tested form for dealing with any criticism of a teacher.

Your review was factual. Leave another factual Google review outlining that she called all your relatives and physically called to your house after the initial review. This is so inappropriate that other parents have to be made aware of this tutor's behaviour. Please do all you can to forewarn other parents before more people employ her.

I think it’s more likely that the lowest performing children were told they needed extra help and OP was ‘triggered’ by this.
If the tutor is running an agency of 9 tutors, she must have a successful method.
Also, she’ll take attacks badly (not justifying her unhinged behaviour).

Yes, please totally destroy this already mentally unwell woman.

I would say the majority of posters defending the tutor are not teachers! But instead people with a heart.

I sometimes wonder if the people here would have the guts to say the things they’ve said online to my face. Insulted my son, assumed his ability, called me a cnut, insulted my intelligence, wished that I get stuck in the dark with no heating, being called scummy. It’s a bit shocking to be honest.

Above all, I can only ask that people read the thread so I don’t have to keep repeating myself.

I really feel for the tutor who most likely was concerned about her business and the nine people she employs.

The idea that she couldn’t for professional standing call at your home is fairly ridiculous. The hour was dictated by your lack of response, I suspect she was finding the review standing and no opportunity to resolve unbearable. All these things suggest she cares.

I suspect the review is unfair and that’s why she reacted so strongly.
Whipping it up into her being unsuitable to be around children suggests that the drama is something you enjoy OP ….just like the review
Being honest about what motivates us is important