Do you apologise when you have new things (big expense).

[Squirrelchops1]

Hi.
I heard myself earlier again justifying, almost apologetically in my tone to my neighbours when they were asking about my new car. I realise I've done this several times now when people have mentioned it. I've been able to afford it due to not only taking a job paying double what I was on a year ago but a hefty windfall.
I think it's due to growing up with very little and also a feeling of being aware how fortunate I am, when others are struggling.

Do you apologise for your fortune, saying nothing or own it?

How do I stop justifying myself....

What do you mean?

Like "sorry I bought this car". I'm not sure I understand?

I don’t understand the apology either.

neighbour-wow, you have a new car-it’s lovely.

you-sorry I have a new car.

?!

Of course not, why would I be ashamed of being able to afford to buy something with money I've earned from my job, I work hard

Not as blunt as that but, as i said, I'm apologetic in tone....eg 'yeah, I decided to treat myself.....but it's via my partners work so it was a deal'
I cant just own the 'yeah, fuck it i treated myself'.

So, may I ask what response you'd give?

Well maybe this is where I feel the guilt as really, although my wage has increased I received a large windfall too from the sale of property in an inheritance.

Sorry but if I have understood this correctly...... what a strange thing to do.🤔

People buy things that others may or may not be able to afford or have made the conscious decision that is not how they want to spend their money, doesn't mean you have to wear a hairshirt and apologise.

Nope. And when my neighbour commented on something expensive we'd had done to the house with 'Oh, you're spending his money for him, are you' I snapped at him and said, 'I work, John! I'm spending my own money not that it's any of your business'.

To what question?

"Yes, it's great isn't? Nice to be able to treat myself. Anyway, how are you?"

Thank you. I know it's me being a twat, and need someone to say that. As I said i grew up with not a lot so feel awkward now having the flashiest car on the street.

Thank you

Well done you.

Is that a new car?
Yes.

No need to say anything else or justify/explain. Or you could go the opposite way

Yes, I'm minted! But this might be a bit too much.

Because, after the war, no one in England was supposed to do better.

Everyone was supposed to be proud in poverty and rationing and being able to make something from nothing. That was great during war time but the mentality has never left war time.

People still make excuses for bettering themselves and, frankly, it's sad. This is perpetuated by rags like DailyMail who criticize 'BMW' drivers and people who live in '£400,000' homes but do 'xyz' like a BMW and £400k home is the epitome of wealth when it's just not.

It's like we should all just want to have a lower standard of living and decry those who don't or apologise when we accidentally do well for ourselves.

Hell no.

Just don't apologise. There's no need to. Don't apologise for being rich or poor.

I totally get it. You get something nice and then when it comes to people seeing it, you suddenly feel embarrassed by your 'riches'. I want them to know that it wasn't easy to get whatever thing it is, and doesnt mean that because I have it I have lots of money. Its like they will think less of me for having a nice thing.

I get what you are saying op, totally. Despite what everyone seems to claim, the vast, vast majority of people are not happy for you when you do well. And extremely bloody nosy! So, you play it down. Oh, I got it on sale, or oh I got an amazing deal. I used to do that, until I just thought…..what? This is mine, I worked my ass off for it. So now I just say…..thanks and don’t answer any questions.

Lol, well I could try the latter response and see what happens.

A good point.

And thank you to those who get it. I could afford to move also but we have no need for a bigger house....that really would get tongues wagging.

But when I was growing up. It was normal to want to do better and to be proud of what you achieved

It's relatively recent that we've gone back into a mentality of people having to apologise for what they have - maybe it was like that after the war I don't know I wasn't here lol

People get quite cross now if you have nice things and money - I completely understand where the OP is coming from

Yes, I do, too. That was my whole point. Watch the Monty Python skit called, "Four Yorkshiremen" where they compare how poor they were and how far they've come. These days there is pride in how far we've fallen and who is doing it better, otherwise, apologies.

No. I'm not rich so maybe I'd feel different if I could afford much better than those around me, but as it stands, I'm not apologetic in the slightest. I'd proudly show off a new car and tell people how much I love it. Although, I could see I'd possibly sound like I was gloating if I had loads of cash and was talking to someone with very little.

Yes, it’s new-I’m so excited!

Yes, it’s new-can’t wait to take it out for a play!

or yes, it’s new-I hope I don’t scrape it in the first week 😂

Something rather like that. Not ‘sorry’ though.

I think there’s two things here.

First, there’s nothing wrong or weird about a typical conversation like:
-Do you have a new car?
-I do.
-Looks nice.

That is a standard exchange of social niceties. No envy, no muttering under the breath, no apologising.

Second, many people don’t care about cars at all, and they won’t be envious or think about how well off you are. They might think you’re a bit of an idiot. But as long as they don’t indicate that, and you are happy with your purchase, it’s all good.

With all these sorts of comments I find it's best just to own it.
"You're so lucky you could breastfeed"
"Wow, all that time off work"
"I wish I had the time to get my nails done"

Close friends and family know my personal situation and generally don't behave this way, but for others then I just say "Yes, I am very fortunate" and shut the conversation down. I can't be arsed to go into it. If people are genuine e.g. "I'd love to breastfeed and know you did it for a while, can you tell me about it" then I'll happily talk.