Do you apologise when you have new things (big expense).

[Squirrelchops1]

Hi.
I heard myself earlier again justifying, almost apologetically in my tone to my neighbours when they were asking about my new car. I realise I've done this several times now when people have mentioned it. I've been able to afford it due to not only taking a job paying double what I was on a year ago but a hefty windfall.
I think it's due to growing up with very little and also a feeling of being aware how fortunate I am, when others are struggling.

Do you apologise for your fortune, saying nothing or own it?

How do I stop justifying myself....

Seems to me that people who adopt that apologetic tone when talking about their achievements, or anything they have, are those who have feelings of being undeserving or unworthy. I think that’s a real shame if so.

I'd just say "thanks."

I really disagree. Because “achievements” and “anything that you have” - if you mean things related to buying things - are not things that have intrinsic value and worth. This is not a weirdly British thing but it’s common in many cultures.

No and I think people who do that are condescending, and are usually very judgemental themselves. I find cars massively boring, so don’t have an expensive one. If you apologised because your car is better than mine I’d think you were a twat and deluded at how that makes you somehow richer or better than me.

Hope this helps you stop.

Sorry, this is my reply. I feel I was harsh here. I’m projecting my frustration at an incident which happened in my life recently.

I’ll just say, don’t make assumptions about other people’s circumstances, you really don’t know whether they are broke or have millions in the bank, or anything in between. Potentially you’re looking foolish, like the twat I spoke to recently, lol

I get this all the time! We’ve done alright and almost everyone will make some comments about me spending HIS money or how lucky I am. They never tell him he’s lucky! Fortunately DH is very good at replying that I earn as much as him and don’t need his cash.

Thats justifying not apologising
No I also dont tend to talk about stuff like this

Thank you everyone who has replied. Some interesting points and yes, I'm justifying rather than apologising. I shall definitely look to work on my internal voice in this regard.
With very close friends I dont feel the need to do this but as others have said when you're cognisant of struggles others may be having, I do feel the need to justify and as someone said, commenting about buying anything on MN will elicit many differing responses.

Nb. I should have said, I have been stopped by several neighbours about my car. It hasn't been me opening a conversation with an apology.

I think in real life most people actually do this kind of thing

"I love your top"
"oh thanks.. primark!!"

I'm trying to do it less

You see it a lot on here. People can't talk about something like a holiday without being grovellingly apologetic about being able to afford a holiday, and how it's 'much needed' because they'd 'had a terrible year and needed to get away' as if an annual holiday isn't something that lots of people have and how you only really 'deserve' one if you've first endured some dreadful unspecified hardship.

Yet people unapologetically talk about living in detached houses in expensive areas with sufficient bedrooms for each child to have their own room that is large enough for a double bed as well as home offices and guest rooms while feeding their DC unlimited salmon and blueberries as if it's the minimal basic standard of living that could possibly be considered acceptable and everyone can access without thinking about the cost.

Jenny Eclair talked about this on her podcast once and I think they said it was middle glass guilt. One of them mentioned some sort of mundane expense, eg replacing the washing machine and then got all apologetic about how 'lucky' they were that they could afford to do that, then said 'I must stop doing that, I work hard and am financially secure/responsible so shouldn't feel guilty I can spend a few hundred pounds on replacing a 10 YO appliance when I need to' before immediately getting all apologetic again, like it was unavoidable second nature.