Do you apologise when you have new things (big expense).

[Squirrelchops1]

Hi.
I heard myself earlier again justifying, almost apologetically in my tone to my neighbours when they were asking about my new car. I realise I've done this several times now when people have mentioned it. I've been able to afford it due to not only taking a job paying double what I was on a year ago but a hefty windfall.
I think it's due to growing up with very little and also a feeling of being aware how fortunate I am, when others are struggling.

Do you apologise for your fortune, saying nothing or own it?

How do I stop justifying myself....

You see, I think those responses are just cringey.

Apologiee forcbuying a nice car? No, of course I don’t.

I drive a very quick, sporty BMW coupe. I don’t apologise for it in exactly the same way I don’t expect people whi drive Aston Martins & Ferraris to apologise to me.

Well, maybe they have too, but they added it to their pension or something. You just wouldn’t know.

I understand what you mean, and I am like this. I've just been on holiday, and felt the need to justify that it was cheaper due to school holidays, and I feel embarrassed we've bought a house bigger than friends and family. I didn't have a lot growing up so maybe it's that.

See, that indicates to me that you are embarrassed. “Flashy” is generally not a very classy thing. And to actually be aware that you have the flashiest car in the street is just odd to me. You can be very wealthy without being flashy. If you want to be flashy, then just own it.

Well, I think saying, ‘sorry’ to your neighbours when you have gone out and bought a flashy car is pretty cringey, but each to their own!

Yes, of course that is cringey too.
But making twee reasons is definitely cringey.
“I’m so excited!” and ”Can’t wait to take it out for a play!” are pretty bad!

Maybe flashy is the wrong word. It's one of only a couple of brand new cars on our street but it's a rare make. Other people's reactions are thus that I've called it flash.

Re the person asking about pensions. Thanks for the financial comparison...I've also maxed out ISA and added to SIPP hence this was a big purchase after I'd dealt with the sensible stuff.

Thank you is a perfectly reasonable response

I can see you're right. Thank you can be a complete sentence and I need to learn to not justify further.

Sounds like how I used to be, and sounds like you're a people pleaser.

I think I know what you mean. I used to apologise for my very existence, as if everyone else were so much better than I was.

They're not. They're just people.

It took me many years to realise that, and to respect myself, instead of laughing like a hyena, apologising, trying to justify myself to idiots.

I don't know if there's a quick fix but I really worked on making myself understand that others are nothing special, and definitely no better than I am.

That's good advice, thank you

I know exactly what you mean OP. I generally always play it down and say oh I got it on sale, I got a really good deal etc

My husband does this, he doesn’t apologise he downplays, says something is wrong with it. For example we live in a big house, if someone comments he says yeah it’s right under the flight path, it’s not, not even remotely, even though he’s said it so often, it still takes me by surprise as it’s not true, so it ends up me saying no it’s not and I look like the weird one.

when I ask him why he does it he just shrugs, thinks it’s not a big deal, does the same about his car, which is fine it’s his car, but it annoys me when he does it about mine, as ifs never true.

i think he has this urge not to show off, so he tries to down play, where as I am simply thanks and move on,

I think it's quite a British thing to do.
I love your new car
This old thing? I found it in a skip!

Most people know what you mean.

I’ve never apologized for a new car, it’s a car, people get new ones all the time.

Well done! A few months ago I left the Ford garage when they were repeatedly talking to DH when it was me buying my car! Even after DH said “it’s my wife you need to speak to not me!” They still went over and told him when they could get a particular model by. I went to Nissan and I’m super pleased with it.

Not really, no. But mainly because my friends and I don’t really discuss how much things cost unless one of us is interested in making the exact same purchase.

I do have one friend who responds with “you travel so much!” at any mention of a trip I’ve been on - whether it’s a weekend away or a 3-week adventure. It’s awkward and I do sometimes find myself justifying it in a rather..apologetic tone, yes. Something like “well I had annual leave booked and didn’t want to waste it” instead of “yeah I love travel, and Australia has been on the bucket it for a while” etc.

I don't apologise, but I think OP is perhaps getting at a fear of being seen as boastful or showing off for having something nice? Worried that people will perceive them as flaunting something in their face, so they have to be kind of apologetic to be clear they're not showing off or trying to score points?

I'm sure that's unnecessary 99% of the time, but I can sort of understand people having some anxieties or feeling awkward about it, though they don't need to.

It’s like when someone says “ I like your dress” and you say, “oh it’s only primark” or “yeah but my hair is a mess” the British way. We can’t just say, yeah I’m a fucking legend 😂

Exactly.
And you see the reason on MN all the time. People say they have spent money on something that others perceive as frivolous and get jumped on about there being s COL crisis and where's their empathru.

No bloody way would I apologise for my success and hard work
Let the tongues wag
Saddest that's all they have to chat about

Yes- love it! Thanks.

I think cars are a tricky one, because I don’t know many people who are interested in cars at all unless as a means to get from a to b. I just don’t think they are “nice” things. DH and I are quite wealthy these days and we don’t have a car at all. We don’t need one in daily life, and we could hire one for a day if we really did need one. And we still would hire the cheapest one that would do the job.