Was I rude for dismissing a stranger who interrupted me on the platform?

[KookyLemonReader]

About a year ago I started a new job in finance in the City which has been very intense. The previous week I have been working very intensely to meet an end of week deadline. I am contractually required to be in the office at least one day a week so on Thurs I dragged myself out to the office. In the early afternoon I was at the local tube station platform waiting for the train and on my laptop deep in work mode when I noticed someone trying to get my attention in my peripheral vision. I turned away from my laptop removed my headphones and listened to the man. He was asking me where my handbag is from. I was very irritated that he interrupted me with this when I was clearly deep in concentration and replied in a cold way ‘I am working’ and went back to my business. A few seconds later I felt bad (also this man was an ethnic minority and I’m a white woman so I worried about that) turned back to him and said I’m sorry I was a bit rude what did you ask. He again asked where my bag is from. I told him the brand (vintage Italian designer). He made some random comment like oh I can’t buy that here I guess. I didn’t engage. Went back to my work. My concentration was lost and I was very annoyed by the whole exchange but also questioning myself. Was I awful or is it fair that he should not have interrupted a clearly full of focus person with a silly question?

She's also not owed, a 'a silent, working uninterrupted' working space in a public space. It's not her home or office.

I’m between two minds on this.

I wanted directions somewhere. I stopped a woman, who it transpired had ear buds in. I had not seen them under her hair, and would not have stopped her if I had seen them. She was very nice, and had to turn them off before she could hear me. So, I disturbed her in a way I had not intended. I did say I didn’t mean to disturb her, and that I had not seen she was listening to something.

You say what makes you feel bad is that you were a white woman who was not warm to a man who was from an ethnic minority. So, would it have been ok if you had been curt with someone who was white? Then it is not the action itself that you are bothered about. Conversely, the man had no qualms in obviously disturbing a woman, irrespective of your ethnicity. So maybe he regarded you as just a woman whose obvious preoccupation didn’t trump his self importance and he could intrude upon you without any qualms. So, I don’t think he showed you respect either. He put himself in your lane, when you were minding your own business.

I wouldn’t have interfered with you, as you were busy doing something. I would have taken a photo of the bag.

Possibly because that detail makes it less likely this is a real thread?

Oh now it's the 'nice' card don't forget 'be kind'.

I'm happy not to be classed as a 'nice woman' in other words I'll stand up for myself, tell ignorant arseholes to get lost, and not pander to men wanting my attention.

Is no one else bothered by the casual racism in this post? I am shocked that the OP felt it was acceptable to say what she did and three pages in and no one has pulled her up on it!

MN pass-agg medal 🎖

Who do you think you are that your opinion is the only one that counts

You were blunt but I don't think it's rude, there's no social obligation to make chit chat with everyone, particularly when youre clearly on headphones etc. You're overthinking a small interaction. I am thinking (in my own to the point way) you really don't seem to like your job, if it's so tough to get in and it is an obligation. I realise we can't all love our work, but perhaps it's time to look around for something.more satisfying?

I think it's just a weird way to victim blame.

So many posts on here bending over backwards to undermine a woman's right to say no. No is a complete sentence and women do not owe random men friendliness.

So much false equivalence going on too.

Saying that:

• women have a right to their boundaries

-most strange men approaching women in public do not have benign motives

• women have a right to put their desire for peace and quiet over a strange man's want for chat

does not equal

• thinking all men are out to harm us
• thinking all men are bastards.

Its really lazy thinking to dump all those statements into the same bucket.

Quite astounding the lengths some women will go to to demonise the women who have decided to stop putting men first ALL THE TIME.

My response was a mirror of her comment.

if you can't be bothered to read posts others are replying to, don't bother to comment on the replies.

I'll give my opinion if OP comes back and responds to any of the comments.
AI bot, bait?

The City, you say?

Do you always take yourself this seriously?

Is it casual racism to notice race?

Should she not have mentioned it?

Perhaps you could spell out exactly what you think is wrong?

Try it in New York and see how you get on.

I think that poster is alluding to OP not being entirely genuine.

I've run out of medals, you'll have to make do with a 🍪

Real or not the situation is still worth a discussion.

Its a false equivalence, nice men do not disturb women who are showing obvious signs of being occupied. Men who have any ounce of intelligence can read situations, so either this man couldn't read it or didn't care, I know where I'd put my money. That is not nor was the other poster saying 'all men'. Its saying men who behave in this manner are mostly doing for that reason.

I was so focused on the 'generalising twat' that I overlooked the admonishment to 'be nice'.

Yeah, fuck that shit.

🙄

Crime stats do not support that this mans' ethnicity posed a higher risk to OP's safety than if was white.
She didn't just notice, she made a judgement based on it.

In our terms (English terms, that is) the man was being rude as you were sending our clear 'leave me alone' signals which he ignored. Maybe ok where he comes from but not in London. Nor would it be in 'The North': yes, we chat far more readily but not to this level of disruption to the other person.

You owed this man nothing, his race/nationality and yours are not of significance. He was a man expecting a woman, unknown to him, to drop what she was doing to engage with him.

Very true, but I feel uneasy thinking about someone chuckling away at how it's kicked off.

Well I agree with them. I’m not in the camp that women should be accommodating to strange men’s random requests on tube station platforms, especially if said woman is busy and wearing headphones. He can get his ‘wife’ a different bag, she’ll never know.

She could have been sitting there reading a book or filing her nails or staring into space or listening to music

it's nothing to do with the fact that she was working and everything to do with the fact that women do not owe random men their attention or time if they do not want to give it to them

male attention is not some kind of prize that we should be pleased they bestow on us