Was I rude for dismissing a stranger who interrupted me on the platform?

[KookyLemonReader]

About a year ago I started a new job in finance in the City which has been very intense. The previous week I have been working very intensely to meet an end of week deadline. I am contractually required to be in the office at least one day a week so on Thurs I dragged myself out to the office. In the early afternoon I was at the local tube station platform waiting for the train and on my laptop deep in work mode when I noticed someone trying to get my attention in my peripheral vision. I turned away from my laptop removed my headphones and listened to the man. He was asking me where my handbag is from. I was very irritated that he interrupted me with this when I was clearly deep in concentration and replied in a cold way ‘I am working’ and went back to my business. A few seconds later I felt bad (also this man was an ethnic minority and I’m a white woman so I worried about that) turned back to him and said I’m sorry I was a bit rude what did you ask. He again asked where my bag is from. I told him the brand (vintage Italian designer). He made some random comment like oh I can’t buy that here I guess. I didn’t engage. Went back to my work. My concentration was lost and I was very annoyed by the whole exchange but also questioning myself. Was I awful or is it fair that he should not have interrupted a clearly full of focus person with a silly question?

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<cries in frustration>

1. If she was facing away from him, it would be very weird for him to go round the front of her or tap her on the shoulder to get her attention.
2. NOYB.
3. Someone who is busy or behind. Maybe you'll understand one day.
4. She never said she was, but, very important people are allowed to use the tube you know. You don't become insignificant the moment you set foot on a platform.

Oh I see! Well - the fact over a year ago she started a ‘city’ job is irrelevant info tbh.

He was a bit rude to interrupt you, you were short with him for good reason, and you were very polite in re-engaging and apologising for being short with him. There is no need for you to question yourself about his race in this interaction, as I assume you would have been frustrated with anyone who interrupted you while you were doing work, regardless of race or, indeed, sex. Strangers are not entitled to your time, and in the City, of all places, most (non tourist) people know that other people are rushing around with their heads in work mode.

I have used 'my dog's just died actually'

They don't know what to say/do.

I think people sometimes ignore personal etiquette such as reading a book, or working on a laptop in public means 'I don't want to talk to anyone!'
I use to stay overnight for work and would often sit in a restaurant on my own with a book and people would still insist on interrupting me! All I wanted was to eat myeal in peace and be left alone!

What???? No I'd ring a company and sort it myself? What kind of sexist shite is that?

Probably best to read the post before replying?

Most of them do.

Most men are led by their dicks, Most of the time.

If you think 'not my Nigel' then you are naive.

Nice men learn to be more socially aware/appropriate.

Why were you working on a tube platform? Very performative. Presumably your work isn’t confidential. I’d never work in public, and risk client data.

Reading comprehension, try again

apparently we needed to know just how important she is! 🤣

@KookyLemonReader public places aren't private places to work uninterrupted. He could ask anyone else as it was YOUR bag. Maybe he wanted to buy his wife one the same?

I wouldn't have interrupted you for a general question, but if I really really liked your bag I might. I certainly wouldn't have been chatting you up.

Ikr? I wouldn't expect a man to know what to do.

(Slightly off topic this reminds me of my parents back in the 80s saying they were on with me being out late with my bf, but not by myself, because 'if the car broke down he'd sort it out' - he wouldn't have had a scooby. I would have been the one to call the AA!)

Not rude of you. You don’t owe him your time.

He wants to chat about your bag does he? Sure. He can use Google on his own time.

Not all men…but always a man.

And nice women learn not to be generalising twats.

I'll talk to most people and enjoy an exchange of pleasantries, if the mood and contexts are right. (I'm northern, for what that's worth). I once dialled an incorrect mobile number and got an unknown bloke in Co. Antrim - we chatted for a full 40 minutes and it was wonderful! But being accosted in public I do not like: I find it intrusive, particularly when I'm a lone woman. And yes, it's always men who are the intrusive, persistent ones ones.

I've had a bloke (in London, where else?) ask me to tie his shoes for him. My curt response: 'ask a man'. I've had a guy try to put his hand in my bag on a crowded tube train, shouted at him to take it out, and he was rounded on by a bunch of absolutely wonderful fellow female travellers. I wish I could thank them. I recently willingly chatted with a bloke halfway to London all about the evils of AI. Conversely I've also had abusive responses when I've moved one of my headphones to one side and politely said I wasn't looking for a conversation. Then there was the persistent bloke across the aisle on a flight to Canada, trying to get me to tell him where I was headed once we landed. That one scared me.

The type of guys I have chatted with have not been the types who have been pushy and persistent - which was the reason I was happy to talk to them in the first place. The type of guy who approached OP in this narrative would have immediately been given extremely short shrift.

Many of the responses on this thread are ignoring the very real risk-assessments women have to conduct every day of our lives, or assuming that those of us who legitimately feel we don't owe random men our time and attention have a stick up our backsides. (Or, gods forbid, a job in the City). Random men should learn to leave women alone and take the ample cues they are given when we don't want to interact. Why so many men choose to ignore these obvious hints and persist even when told 'no' is the problem you'd think worth studying on a mostly female support site.

Yet, unfortunately not. For female socialization directly in action, just cast your eyes upthread.

I think he misread the room.
I think you were unnecessarily snippy.
Men are not entitled to women’s attention.
You may have responded differently had it been a woman.
Human interactions are sadly unavoidable.

All or some of these things can be true at the same time.

Until you took your headphones off you didn’t know what he was going to say; he might have been about to tell you your laces were undone or your bag was leaking where your water bottle lid had come off. He may have needed to ask a question about the trains.

I agree that he could have chosen someone else to ask about e.g trains and that he MAY have seen this as an in to chat OP up, but I also feel sad that human interaction is regarded so negatively these days.

I will chat to people of both sexes in random places, have lived in London all my life and have been seriously sexually assaulted more than once, before people call me staggeringly naive or similar. None of the SA was as a result of answering a polite question.

You were a bit rude but you apologised

Yeah. Rude

No, and that's not what I said. OP didn't need to start off being snippy and rude. Just because some men are awful and horrible human beings doesn't mean we have to assume that any man who approaches us are going to harm us (fuck me, I never thought I would be the namalt person). I speak to men and women who I don't know every single day when I'm out walking my dogs, I would never dream of being rude to men by default just because some men have treated me badly in the past.

My brother is fine. People enjoy speaking with him. Yes, he could meet someone horrible some day but for him it would be a lot worse not being allowed to speak to strangers at all. It makes him happy and it brightens the day for him and others. I guess we're not particularly suspicious people in our family.

Sometimes 'being a generalising twat' is the safest thing to do.

This is how insurance companies calculate risk.

They don't start from 'oh everyone deserves a chance so we will assume they're no risk until proven otherwise.' They look for proven trends.

If you think that random men approach you in public just to be friendly, then you are ignoring data that could help keep you safe.

You do you.

But please don't criticise those of us who would prefer to take a cautious approach rather than feel obliged to spare random blokes possible feelings.

Seems like a lot of posters have never encountered a Tube Weirdo. One does not engage with tube weirdos for very good reasons. A man asking a woman where her handbag is from is definitely a tube weirdo.

My most recent one wanted to know why I was dressed up nicely, then started telling me about the guy he was defending from a knife attack earlier, including a cut on his forearm, and apparently the police came and had guns. No thanks.

I can change my own wheel thanks very much. Where you the person on the other thread who said "but what if you need work doing in the house" I can also tile, paint, fix pipes, deal with most electrical issues. I'm also the go to person at work for sorting out issues before calling in the repair team (not on site). I can even strip and rebuild an engine if needed.

What has your question got to do with anything?
Would it make it easier for you to understand the thread if she had been reading a book or doing the crossword. Can you explain why you are asking this question?

He shouldn’t have interrupted you for something so trivial OP. He was rude. If someone is engrossed in their laptop there is no reason to interrupt them unless it’s an emergency or to ask for directions.. People on their phones and laptops on public transport don’t want to make small talk or socially engage and that should be respected.

Also I can’t believe people are surprised at people working on tube platforms, when you are really up against deadlines and already working evenings and weekends and exhausted from it then you have to take anytime you can. I work on the train a lot on my commute and if I had to switch platforms then yep I work on the platform as well.

Ignore all the stupid bollocks on here OP.

You were NOT being rude.