Was I rude for dismissing a stranger who interrupted me on the platform?

[KookyLemonReader]

About a year ago I started a new job in finance in the City which has been very intense. The previous week I have been working very intensely to meet an end of week deadline. I am contractually required to be in the office at least one day a week so on Thurs I dragged myself out to the office. In the early afternoon I was at the local tube station platform waiting for the train and on my laptop deep in work mode when I noticed someone trying to get my attention in my peripheral vision. I turned away from my laptop removed my headphones and listened to the man. He was asking me where my handbag is from. I was very irritated that he interrupted me with this when I was clearly deep in concentration and replied in a cold way ‘I am working’ and went back to my business. A few seconds later I felt bad (also this man was an ethnic minority and I’m a white woman so I worried about that) turned back to him and said I’m sorry I was a bit rude what did you ask. He again asked where my bag is from. I told him the brand (vintage Italian designer). He made some random comment like oh I can’t buy that here I guess. I didn’t engage. Went back to my work. My concentration was lost and I was very annoyed by the whole exchange but also questioning myself. Was I awful or is it fair that he should not have interrupted a clearly full of focus person with a silly question?

The tube lines have always had names, yes. Until fairly recently the London overground lines were known by their destinations, but now they have names too.

@KookyLemonReader he was wrong and you shouldn't have been disturbed.

Thank you, @EmpressaurusKitty, I didn’t know that about the London overground, but I must admit, I rarely used it anyway when I lived there.

Safety should have entered your mind - you have no idea where a conversation will go (speaks from experience) - although I think the risk was less if it was a station employee.

Why don't you read the thread, where this has already been discussed extensively?

Its like the wombles song, "underground, overground, wombling free!, the wombles of Wimbledon common are we!

"The exchange doesn't harm you"

As has been pointed out by several women here sharing there experiences, sometimes, it does! And there's no way of knowing which men are nice and which aren't because they don't have a tattoo on their forehead to warn us.

Additionally, why should a woman have to do something she doesn't want to, just because 'it won't harm you'? 🙄
That's a bloody low bar.

Went are you so determined to chastise women for putting themselves first? Even when it comes to random strangers they still have to put themselves last?

'Because i don't want to' is an acceptable reason to not do something, even for women (shock, horror).

The context is relevant. This wasn't a polite 'hello' and a nod when catching someone's eye on a country walk. As a PP said, i guarantee this man does not go up to 60 year old women , or men, for a 'chat'.

There you go, love this sign! 😁

Are you actually laughing at, and mocking a poster for using the term overground, (the actual official term for the underground when it comes out from underneath the city and runs on street level?)

Say you have never heard of it by all means, but laughing at and mocking someone for using a 100% bona fide name for something has just shone the light back on you. How embarrassing. 😬

@KookyLemonReader As for you, you did nothing wrong whatsoever. You did not owe this man a conversation at ALL. And yes I would say the same if it was a woman, but then women don't demand another woman's time, and attention, and 'smiles' like men do! 🙄

I don't want to be patronising but have you and fons4them never been in London if you've never heard of overground lines and stations?

I can’t be the only Londoner who still hums the wombling song under their breath when catching the overground?

Admittedly I’m in West London so don’t catch it very often.

Were you on the "should my husband share this inheritance with his step- siblings" - it was obviously fake. There was one opening post from the creator yet posters went on and on and on expressing outrage at the greedy husband who wouldn't share. But yes, you're 100% right about posters turning on each other.

I didn't think anyone would need to have been to London to have heard of the overground. It's a really common, well-used term. I would have thought most people would have heard of it. Even if you haven't, and think someone is using a made up word, there's no need to mock someone for using it. As I said, it kind of makes the person mocking someone look silly, when it turns out that the word IS real, and commonly used! 😬

@Imdunfer I think any woman sitting on her own in a pub anywhere in any town can reasonably expect that a male will attempt to strike up an unwanted conversation with her.

As I already explained, it's a tiny proportion of men who are talking to lots and lots of women.

Where do you even live that you are in a community that thinks this is "socially unacceptable"?

It should be self evident from this thread that it is not socially acceptable for a man to try to "chat up" a woman in this public, given the overwhelmingly negative response.

I also agree that it's not socially acceptable... although I don't think this happened here as he asked about her bag, so it was most likely that he wanted to buy it for his partner.

Even IF he wanted to buy the exact bag for his partner it’s still weird, I’d certainly hope my DH isn’t asking strange women on the street where they bought their outfits, I’d find that particularly odd.

It's hard to meet people in the wild nowadays, so I feel for him, but I wouldn't have interupted someone in the situation you describe. It's ok to be caught up in your own inner thoughts.

As I already explained, it's a tiny proportion of men who are talking to lots and lots of women.

😉 as I already explained, it isn't as few as you think it is, especially when they've had a drink or three.

Patronising much??

it's nothing to do with male attention. We live in a society with men, women, children. We don't exist in isolation.

Yes I was worried about being thought of as racist (I am not)

By adulthood we should know social cues. Don’t approach strangers with headphones on and are occupied in order to ask inane questions. I don’t believe he absolutely had to have that particular bag for his ‘wife’.

He’s married (apparently) so doesn’t need to try and strike up conversations with lone women. It’s not so much the asking, it’s expecting someone to remove their headphones and stop whatever it is they’re doing to answer. The likelihood it was a genuine query is pretty small all things considered (was he going into London to shop for a bag? If he hadn’t see OP what bag style/colour was he already thinking of for his ‘wife’?).

Being cordial to an employee at the station isn’t really the same (though certainly no guarantee of safety). Be nice, be kind, cheer up luv, smile!!!

@Imdunfer 😉 as I already explained, it isn't as few as you think it is, especially when they've had a drink or three.

If you walk down an extremely busy street in a city, how many men do you walk past, and how many of those men try to talk to you?

He was rude. I can’t count the number of times blokes try to start up a “reasonable” conversation but are actually trying it on and I’ve felt like a fool for being polite. I’m sure we’ve all had the same thing. So now I’m older and DGAF about offending people I just ignore men who have no need to speak to me or give the curtest, unsmiling response.

We aren't talking about busy streets we're talking about places where women are sat quietly.