Was I rude for dismissing a stranger who interrupted me on the platform?

[KookyLemonReader]

About a year ago I started a new job in finance in the City which has been very intense. The previous week I have been working very intensely to meet an end of week deadline. I am contractually required to be in the office at least one day a week so on Thurs I dragged myself out to the office. In the early afternoon I was at the local tube station platform waiting for the train and on my laptop deep in work mode when I noticed someone trying to get my attention in my peripheral vision. I turned away from my laptop removed my headphones and listened to the man. He was asking me where my handbag is from. I was very irritated that he interrupted me with this when I was clearly deep in concentration and replied in a cold way ‘I am working’ and went back to my business. A few seconds later I felt bad (also this man was an ethnic minority and I’m a white woman so I worried about that) turned back to him and said I’m sorry I was a bit rude what did you ask. He again asked where my bag is from. I told him the brand (vintage Italian designer). He made some random comment like oh I can’t buy that here I guess. I didn’t engage. Went back to my work. My concentration was lost and I was very annoyed by the whole exchange but also questioning myself. Was I awful or is it fair that he should not have interrupted a clearly full of focus person with a silly question?

Both are public places. This is 1 man who tried to talk to OP. How many men would she have passed during the entirety of that journey on a train?

Not relevant how many men she passed while in motion, or on a train, especial a tube train, where the convention is very definitely that you don't strike up a conversation with a stranger.

I hope you didn't reply : "It's vintage Italian, you peasant."

@Imdunfer Not relevant how many men she passed while in motion, or on a train, especial a tube train,

It is relevant if I am making the point that it's a tiny minority of men who try to "chat up" lots of different women.

where the convention is very definitely that you don't strike up a conversation with a stranger.

So you agree with me that it's not socially acceptable for men to "chat up" women who are complete strangers?

Do you really think i need telling for a third time that you think it's a tiny number of men who each chat up hundreds of women?

I don't agree with you!

I believe you are completely wrong about that, especially where alcohol is involved.

There are plenty of women on this and other threads who do think it is socially acceptable for men to strike up conversations with women they don't know. I'm not one of them.

If I see something I like, bag, coat, shoes and don't want to ask the person direct I take a zoomed in photo and look for it online using Google lens.

That poster is a misogynist troll who’s just here to wind women up by mansplaining. I’d ignore.

@EmpressaurusKitty That poster is a misogynist troll who’s just here to wind women up by mansplaining. I’d ignore.

I'm not.

You are. To spell it out again it does not matter what percentage of men it is overall, i can tell you now that 100% of the men who would disturb a woman who is obviously occupied are not to be trusted and are encroaching on women in an unwelcome manner. So women need to be very wary of any man who approaches her in that situation.

I just can’t help wondering if this thread would have gone differently (more in line with the usual MN responses of tending to be on the woman’s side) if OP hadn’t mentioned that she is white and the man wasn’t.

You can’t help wondering, eh? Such fun in your head, looking for racism. Enjoy yourself!

Ask the men in your lives how many times random men try to strike up conversations with them, it’s practically bloody zero. I had a random bloke speak to me in the coffee and tea aisle today in Morrisons and then wink at me. I was just humming quietly along to the music over the tannoy in my crabbit state.

The racism thing op, don’t worry men of all colours think they deserve women’s time.

You were not rude, he clearly was as interrupted you.

He was dodgy. No one interrupts someone they don't know on a train platform to ask about fashion, fgs. No one.

I don’t think you were being unreasonable at all. I think it’s highly rude to initiate a conversation with someone working on their laptop or on the phone.

I live in London and it doesn’t happen often, but I’ve been on the phone whilst charity workers are trying to grab my attention, I think it’s utterly rude!

I agree!! I was on a train once and a man started up a random conversation much like the OP describes. I tried to politely shut it down but he kept at it.
I felt bad and didnt want to seem "rude" so I gave him some short, curt answers hoping he'd get the hint that I didnt want to carry on talking to him.

Guess what?- he didnt get the hint and it soon became sexual and he started making advances to me and commenting on my breasts. I got up and moved carriages and he followed me. It was creepy AF and only after I had moved about three times did he finally fuck off.

Noone owes a stranger conversation and women have good reason to be wary of random men approaching them.

🤣🤣🤣

Or even down south!

When I moved from London to Sussex, I was amazed that people say "hello" to total strangers when out and about.

Afterthought: should add that this is in a smallish town, it probably wouldn't happen in Brighton or Hastings.

Of course he was rude to interrupt you. Why are you even thinking about this?

This man was a complete stranger and maybe from another country. He was was rude and obviously had no manners. You knew absolutely nothing about him.

He could have been a thief on the look out for a purse or a bag snatch trying to distract your attention.

You did the right thing..And l wouldn't have spoken to him again.

I completely agree!

The rudeness of interrupting a stranger in public for something that’s not an emergency is unacceptable.

Saying "hello" when passing IS common and not a problem. It's the striking up of a conversation when someone is clearly occupied that the problem. There's a massive difference.

I do sometimes smile / say hello or good morning when passing women & they usually smile back.

Just not men for the reasons previously stated. Too many times when that’s gone wrong.

Yep- are people really so dense they cant see the difference between these two things?

Saying hello when passing someone - fine

Deliberately interrupting someone with headphones on and their head in their laptop to ask a completely pointless question?- not fine and rude

I’d have said I got it from a charity shop.

Oh " I got it from a charity shop." is a great answer.