Was I rude for dismissing a stranger who interrupted me on the platform?

[KookyLemonReader]

About a year ago I started a new job in finance in the City which has been very intense. The previous week I have been working very intensely to meet an end of week deadline. I am contractually required to be in the office at least one day a week so on Thurs I dragged myself out to the office. In the early afternoon I was at the local tube station platform waiting for the train and on my laptop deep in work mode when I noticed someone trying to get my attention in my peripheral vision. I turned away from my laptop removed my headphones and listened to the man. He was asking me where my handbag is from. I was very irritated that he interrupted me with this when I was clearly deep in concentration and replied in a cold way ‘I am working’ and went back to my business. A few seconds later I felt bad (also this man was an ethnic minority and I’m a white woman so I worried about that) turned back to him and said I’m sorry I was a bit rude what did you ask. He again asked where my bag is from. I told him the brand (vintage Italian designer). He made some random comment like oh I can’t buy that here I guess. I didn’t engage. Went back to my work. My concentration was lost and I was very annoyed by the whole exchange but also questioning myself. Was I awful or is it fair that he should not have interrupted a clearly full of focus person with a silly question?

Especially if there are....shock horror,.....ethnic minority men around and you are a white woman 😲

You were busy and stressed. Still found time to post on Munsnet though!

Perhaps get a sign like dogs have saying “reactive do not approach” give everyone fair warning?

This thread is so depressing to read even if it is a troll. So many people thythat it’s perfectly okay to drop everything because a random man demands it. So many posters think that it is ok to slate the poster as they dare to work in the city and then we have all the professional northerners slating the op as she dares to live in London and work in the city, even though we don’t know if she is northern herself.

We women have been socially conditioned to be kind in a way men have not and this is not necessarily a good thing as predatory men take advantage of this.

And no, I don’t work in the city and am Scottish before I get accused of being either.

“Demanded” you say?

Yes. If I am out in public I am happy to be interrupted by a man, a woman, a child, a dog, a bee or wathever, because that is being part of a society with living things. If I am at home then I'd be much less happy about being approached by someone unexpected. Given how many people I interact with daily who cause me no harm and how many people I have interacted with throughout my life who has posed a risk I feel like it's a risk worth taking.

And dragged yourself into the office???????? 😂

You are the only person here suggesting ‘ shock horror’. Why have you introduced sensationalism? What is your agenda?

i generally agree with you, but I would not be pleased at being interrupted by a bee 🤣🤣

Good for you.

I’m not, which is why I wear headphones. Most people know not to talk to someone with headphones unless it’s actually urgent.

He wasn’t polite to disturb her. But sure, she must be polite. 🙃

On the one hand, I would never approach a stranger who was clearly busy on their laptop, but on the other, you were in a public place not associated with deep concentration. Public transport involves interacting with the public from time to time. I think you were right to re-engage briefly, but I would have just done that in the first place.

"We women have been socially conditioned to be kind in a way men have not and this is not necessarily a good thing as predatory men take advantage of this."

Yep, this. I doubt this random bloke was truly captivated by the OP's handbag. I mean, really? He was, at best, trying to chat her up. It's male entitlement and yes it's universal no matter what nationality they are.

Ok well that wasn't remotely clear by the OP. Why did she start it saying 'A year ago'? Then says immediately afterwards 'the previous week..'?! Anyway thanks for clarifying. 😄

I am with you OP.

Your were clearly busy doing something and wearing headphones and he decided his time and inane conversation was more important.

Women don't owe men conversation or ''niceness''.

Where on earth did you get that from? I would have just completely ignored the man if I was busy.

Hello it’s me. I did not expect such an active response and I tried to delete this post because I got what I needed but anyway here we are. Couple of clarifications:

• This incident happened on Thursday (2 days ago). It was a minor thing really. The reason for me posting here is that I have been doing some soul searching this morning.
• I mentioned that I started my new job a year ago to give context to my situation - I realise it confused some readers who did not pay attention and could have been better contextualised. After a year in this new role (Friday was my exact one year anniversary) and having met my end of week deadline on the major deliverable I mentioned, I have spent time this morning doing some self reflection on how I am doing as a person. I don’t typically post on mumsnet or participate on it. I wanted a sense check on how I might be perceived by the general public (as opposed to friends / family / people in my industry etc).
• I was not reading any confidential documents - only publicly available documents relevant to my work (which involves extensive reading) which I had left open as tabs.
• I do not appreciate the implication that because I was journeying to the office in the afternoon I must be lazy and perceived as such - my colleagues know I regularly work long hours and that I had recently done an all nighter (i.e. work all day all night and then all day again with minimal breaks) in connection to this urgent deliverable. I simply wanted to leave the house and also fulfil my one day in the office contractual requirement.
• I am a woman diagnosed with adhd (who is medicated and goes into hyper focus).

I have read some of the comments and I got what I needed to help with my self reflections, I will lighten up a bit. Thank you and bye.

Hmm, there is this strange thing about life. If you fill it with people and connection it may become immeasurably more positive, and you may be more inclined to skip through life.

I am one of those annoying people who talks to everyone I come into contact with, and I can absolutely guarantee that 99.9% of people respond.

Rather than standing on a station platform with your ears and sight guarded, look around you. Listen to the sounds around you. Watch the people who you're standing with. Acknowledge them.

Just a thought.

That wouldn't fly where I am. You don't even make eye contact, much less ask stupid questions about a purse, especially when he could see you were involved in something.

He was the rude asshole.

Guaranteed way to experience sensory overload. Not doing that.

Perhaps stop lecturing and think that others may have different perspectives?

Watch & acknowledge people on a tube platform at 6am? Seriously?

I think he was rude to think his trivial question was important enough to interrupt someone who was clearly focusing on something.

I would stop thinking about such an unimportant interaction. Not sure why his ethnicity is important, really, but anyone who interrupts someone clearly focused on something else (whether work, reading, etc) should be prepared that they may be told in a less than friendly tone they are interrupting. It's not as though you ignored someone in obvious distress. Instead, he was either trying to strike up a conversation or possibly wanted to buy someone he knows a similar bag. Neither of those reasons would be sufficient to expect someone to remove headphones and engage with a stranger.

I actually find your reaction sad. Common courtesy would have been to at least acknowledge, politely.

As for my 'lecturing', so you're allowed to provide your perspective, but I am not, because it's different to yours?

Enough.

He was rude to interrupt you but you were unreasonable to be very annoyed by the whole exchange. You didn’t have to engage with him.