How attractive do you think you are?

[Electriceelslunch]

Inspired by a conversation I had about the sub Reddit ‘Rate me’ where people put a picture of themselves up and ask strangers to rate them out of 10 based on how physically attractive they are. Screams of either insecurity or narcissism to me, but got me wondering - how physically attractive do you think you are? What would you rate yourself out of 10? How did you arrive at that number? Eg. What evidence do you have for it? Do you think you’re average or above or below average? Do you think most people perceive themselves as more or less attractive than they actually are? Most of the time, are you happy or unhappy with what you see in the mirror?

Rate Me can fucking do one 🙄

If I make an effort to do what society expects (hair, makeup, “right” weight) and photograph from the “correct” angle, but no filter - 10/10. If you are unable to represent your 10/10 self online with the available tools, you need therapy. And all women need therapy; we’ve been taught to hate our own bodies!!! But this is why filters make you less attractive. What people find mesmerizing is people who play up their best feature - maybe you have a great eye colour or a great jawline. Not people who are generic-brand.

LEARN TO MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR BEST FEATURE; LIFE WILL BE EASIER THAT WAY.

Women who can do this are often called “striking” instead of beautiful, and all men mean by that is, “she didn’t look like a young virgin supermodel but she still ‘convinced’ me (visually!!!) to give her attention. I’m very uncomfortable with that.” Striking is not age dependent. Striking is not weight dependent. Aim for striking, not “10/10”!

Look at the bodily feature you’ve been taught to be most uncomfortable about. The one other women compliment you on, but you think that must be lies. Men do not like unique women so what society has taught you to dislike IS possibly your strongest feature, and can be manipulated easily with make-up/lighting/colour. So for me, it’s my skin tone. EVERYONE, even doctors, mention how pale I am. But I’m just built this way. Manipulated correctly (just socially-approved manipulation - anything from eyeliner to weight loss), it looks perfect with my hair and eye colour.

But at the moment? I’m socially 1/10 and I’m prioritizing other things right now so I really DGAF. I provide enough dopamine to my husband for him to stay and to make my mom love me (a mother’s love requires no dopamine; feeling the love already provides dopamine, and my mum is a firecracker!), so I think I’m doing just fine 🤣

Try this thought experiment or ask Claude (NOT ChatGPT because it prioritizes feelings over logic): if 0 men have complimented a feature, but 100 women have complimented you on it, is it likely to be your “best” (most socially powerful) feature? I think yes. A logic-based AI (not like ChatGPT, which was supposed to be nonprofit but suddenly got a whole lot less useful when they made its founding company for-profit) says yes. Claude is ChatGPT that doesn’t prioritize making you feel better momentarily at the expense of logic, which will make you feel better permanently (you need time to integrate the information, and then yes, you will feel better). Because the logic is yes, 100 women were being honest with you!!!!!

Men want something from you; they’re like salesmen for their own penises, and trying to convince you to “buy” when you know it lost half its value when it was driven off the “new” penis lot 🤷‍♀️ (Buying a new car is such a scam).

10/10. I don't care to be self deprecating and compare myself to others. If I say I'm a 10, I'm a 10.

Sometimes, I go to 11.

1 maybe 2 on a good day.

Im very badly put together and have been told throughout my life I look ‘weird’ , ‘strange’ , ‘creepy’ and once was told ‘if someone told me you were an alien in disguise I’d believe them’ !!! I think because I feel awkward I have awkward movements/expressions which adds to making people feel uncomfortable?

Im too tall and thin and my face is quite strange. I look absolutely hideous in photos so I’d rate myself as a 0 on film. In real life I can get away more with my asymmetry facially by being expressive but I look weird otherwise. I have a very deviated septum too so my nose looks like a penis.

Obviously it depends on the day and how I’m feeling. Some days I’m hormonal and feel crap so I look in the mirror and see a monster. Other days I feel great and would say I’m an 8. I clearly don’t look any different face/body wise, it’s just my personal perception.

I’m a munter, so don’t bother with 1 to 10.

Rate Me is so unhinged though. I’m sure they’d call me subhuman.

I'm sub par. And don't give a flying rats arse. I'm firmly in my hag era.

I think it definitely depends on the person. I know I’m a confident person. I have friends who, I would say, are attractive, but they see themselves so negatively.

I've never been very attractive and now with peri weight gain I'm even less so. To make matters worse I photograph badly, always have, but now with a fat face to boot! I look better in a mirror so I assume I look better to others than I do in a photo. I won't do online dating after being rejected a few times based on my appearance. Overall I'm plain and probably only about a 2 out of 10. On the plus side, I care less now I'm the wrong side of 45. People age...if they're lucky.

I'd say a solid 4, but I am sparky as hell so people think I'm both taller (consistently get this when I say my height) and potentially more attractive than I am. I punch above my weight, as it were.

Bog witches unite 🧹

Same. On a bad night’s sleep, with greasy hair and without subtle fake tan/make up, I look absolutely awful.

Give me a decent night’s sleep and a couple of hours to do beauty stuff and I look a million times better.

So a bad day probably a 4, a good day probably a 7/8.

A very first world whinge but there are so many women who are willing to go all out with fake hair, nails, botox, fillers, tan, expensive clothes etc that if you’re mid maintenance it’s hard to compete even if you do have a nice face and figure. The expectations of beauty are much higher and it’s become more of a skill and how well you can dress the window, rather than what you actually look like once it’s taken all away.

I was ok but my skin elasticity has gone so I’m like a baggy pair of knickers now. -9

Was always quite good looking ( not a pretty child) tall, nice eyes and good cheekbones / bit of a less glam cross between Victoria Smurfit and Cate Blsnchett. I'm early 60s now and still look good though a bit curvier than I'd ideally be. Skin looks good (thanks to botox and monthly facials). I get regular compliments which is lovely. I look the best version of myself rather than young

Sounds like journo seeking content, but I'll play:

how physically attractive do you think you are? Not very

What would you rate yourself out of 10? this needs a comparator, it's not specific enough, and who is the judge : me or others? By my judgement, I put me down as compared to All women: 5. Women my age: 8 or 9. But in eyes of "others" maybe I'm just a 2-3 against both those comparators.

How did you arrive at that number? Eg. What evidence do you have for it?
Most men don't pay attention to me.

Do you think you’re average or above or below average?
I must be < 50th percentile compared to women my age in eyes of others.

Do you think most people perceive themselves as more or less attractive than they actually are?
MNers are unbelievably neurotic but then so are some other females I know. My adult DD gets approached by strange men a lot asking for her number, so she knows she's hot, but she may not benchmark herself above other females her age and she still has insecurities. I honestly don't think most people spend a lot of time thinking about how attractive they are once they have a settled partner they like; most people have one.

Most of the time, are you happy or unhappy with what you see in the mirror?
Happy enough.

Somewhere in the middle I guess.

I don’t think I’m particularly ugly and nobody has ever seemed shocked or horrified by my appearance.

but I also don’t think I’m a really good looking, model-like attractive person.

I’m quite plain in as much as I’m a jeans & tshirt, not interested in make up etc and never wear make up. Quite grey now and a fair few wrinkles!

so somewhere in the middle and perfectly happy with that.

You’re still young, though!

It's a good question- I think it can go either way but also, self-belief and confidence can make you more attractive so possibly it becomes self-fulfilling prophecy in both directions. There's also the fact that you dont weigh up attractiveness purely on aesthetics. Personality/ vibe comes into it. DD has a friend who objectively is "in the middle" but just has this confidence and energy that mean she's got the fellas on a string.

That said, if you're a woman you've probably been getting regular unsolicited feedback on your attractiveness since you were about 11 so you probably know where you sit ballpark.

Yes I think what you said about unsolicited feedback is true. I used to have a friend when we were in our 20s, who I’d say was a genuine 10. Definitely the most physically attractive person I’ve ever known. On par with Margot Robbie. The constant hassle she got was unbelievable. I’ve never seen anything like it. We went for a day out in London one time and it was like I was with a Hollywood celebrity or something. Men following us, stopping to gawp at her, constant comments asking her name, for her number, telling her how beautiful she was. I’ve never experienced anything like it. It was winter and she wasn’t wearing anything revealing or anything, probably a big coat or something. That is what you have to put up with if you’re truly a 10 (I’m very glad I’m not for this reason!) People on here who claim to be a 10, if you haven’t experienced that level of hassle regularly (at least when you were in your 20s) you ain’t no 10! Cos that’s what a real 10 has to put up with.

On another note, this friend was an absolute dick (no idea why we were friends, you make weird choices when you’re young). She was shallow, self-obsessed, and bitchy. All the things you totally expect from someone who looks like that. The attention she got had clearly given her a massive superiority complex. I remember she moaned about being single once. Apparently it was because there was no one in our town who was good-looking enough for her! I found her personality made her deeply unattractive. I remember thinking it was funny that she thought she was rejecting them, when in actual fact none of the guys in our town wanted to date her cos she was so horrible! I’m sure they’d all have shagged her given half the chance, but I think most of them would have run a mile after! She seemed to think, because of how beautiful she was, she wasn’t required to make any effort at all with her personality, and could even be a total dick and still expect people to flock to her. She was wrong. I’d love to know what she’s like now (haven’t seen her in 20 years). I hope she’s been humbled along the way and has gained a bit more depth